Ready or Not, Here They Come

Ready or not, here they come!

Halloween is this week. Christmas decor has already been in stores for a few weeks. Thanksgiving meal planning is underway (at least in my household). In a blink, it’ll be the eve of 2025.

The holidays are upon us whether we like it or not.?

Are you dreading November-December??Dreading the conversations, the questions, the drama, the responsibilities, and for a lot of people, the gift-giving that you are not in a place to do this year?

It's okay to admit it.?Let’s be real, the holidays are stressful. It's a whole kit and caboodle.?

We get slammed with being around our family and friends back to back for Thanksgiving, then Christmas or Hanukkah (or whichever holiday you celebrate), then New Year's.?

And we typically fall into one of two camps - booked every weekend or not at all.

So let's take a second to think about all the good memories of the holidays. Think about when you were a little kid. What did the holidays mean to you? What did you look forward to??

And it's okay if you say the gifts. That's just our inner child talking.?

What were the other things that you could count on? The things that made you feel safe during those holidays?

If you’re like me, you may have had traumatic or dysfunctional holidays as a kid. So maybe there wasn't a lot of that feeling of safety. Or there wasn't a lot of happiness and joy. But remember, you're here, and you survived.?

Usually, we can still find little moments, despite our upbringing, that we can find joy in. No matter what they are, like…

• Waking up on Christmas morning and seeing that the stockings were filled.?
• Seeing your favorite family members that you didn't normally get to see.
• The laugh at the gift from an aunt, that always seemed to be something “silly” like socks or underwear.?
• Houses decorated with beautiful lights that moved you deeply.
• Random carolers that showed up.
• A kid crying on Santa’s lap at the mall.

Whatever little moments that still bring a smile to your face.?

The reason I want to go there first is because these are the moments that set the tone for the upcoming season. These are the moments we want to cultivate more of.

So jot them down, talk about them, share them.?

Remember that Christmas. Remember that Thanksgiving. Remember that Hanukkah. Remember that Kwanzaa. Bring those memories up and relive them through storytelling. Even if it’s to yourself or your dog.

This step is crucial because when you travel back to these moments, you're sending out waves of that happy, moving energy.

The truth is, you can't be truly happy and truly sad at the same time. You just can't.?

This is a way to pick which energy you’re going to be in for this 2024 holiday season.

So who do you want to be?

You can also think of the special traditions you had (or currently have).?

One of mine is when I'm putting the turkey in the oven on Thanksgiving. I always have the parade on and there is some sort of yummy treat and beverage for breakfast. I may not get to watch a lot of the parade and I may not know who most of the people are, but it's the sounds and the hustle and the bustle that mean something to me.

And, boy, when Santa Claus shows up at the end - that’s something special.

Again, I know that so many of us have dysfunctional families. That most of us spend the holidays dodging the craziness, drama, and chaos.?I don’t know what your family dysfunctions look like, but there’s usually always:

• The one who brings up everything that's going wrong in their life.?
• The one who asks intrusive and inappropriate questions about your life.
• The one who has to stir up trouble, causing debates and arguments.?
• The one who spends the evening bragging about their accomplishments.
• The one who thinks they know how to cook everything the best.

One year there was a big argument at my house over the gravy. My grandmother and my mother-in-law were at the stove arguing about the gravy. Do you add the innards or do you not? It got pretty heated and they had to be separated for a bit.

Unfortunately, both have since passed on and we miss them dearly, but whenever I think of that story it brings a smile to my face.?

What are some of those memories for you?

Maybe one year the Christmas tree tipped over. Or like me, maybe you woke up to a dead Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Like, totally brown. We’re talking needles falling off all over the gifts to the point that you had to clean the gifts off before you could hand them out.?

I remember feeling so sad and unhappy at the time. I thought that Christmas wasn't perfect. But now I look back and see what a beautiful Christmas it was. We had a good time with the family. We laughed at the needles everywhere. I even got a new vacuum cleaner out of it (score!).?

All of this to say, our perspective is everything. What starts as tense, unhappy, or not exactly the way you wanted them moments, can end up becoming your favorites.

Anything that may happen this holiday season is just going to be one of those memories down the line.

And when we think of it that way, should we really be taking anything so seriously??

Perfect example - When my daughter was about 13 she decided she would make the cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving. She mixed everything in the pot then walked away to watch the parade. Five minutes later, the pot boiled over, the sugar was burning on the stove, smoking like crazy, and our alarm system sent firefighters out. She was MORTIFIED but cracked up five minutes later. It’s still a running joke in our family.

You can also think of it this way - instead of a 6-month interpersonal communications course, the holidays are like a day chock-full of lessons.?

So how can you set yourself up so that you can have the holidays that you want?

#1 - Don't take things so seriously.?

If you overcook the yams or your grandmother says the food has no flavor, or the cranberries boil over and a firetruck shows up, laugh about it! It's just a day. It's just food. It's just words.

#2 - Enjoy that there's something to celebrate.??

Enjoy that you have somewhere to go. Enjoy that you have a day of quiet. However you want to celebrate the holiday, enjoy it. Whether it's just you, the family is coming together, or you just love the reason for the season.?

#3 - Set yourself up to be the strongest version of you.

What does that version of you look and sound like? Who are you in those moments??

Does that version of you really care what your Aunt Ida thinks because you're not dating anybody? Does that version of you really care that someone in your family thinks you are wasting your time at your job? Does that version of you get easily triggered by words?

If it does, then we have some work to do.?

And I’ll tell you now, if just thinking about the holidays is stressing you out and bothering you already, book your free call with me.

Together we’ll get you prepared for the holidays. I’ll help you understand what's happening internally that makes you react to the people around you.

I’ll help answer questions like:

• Why do I always feel like I'm not heard??
• Why does it feel like everyone is picking on me?
• Why do I always feel like I'm seated at the kid's table??
• Why is life so unfair??

These thoughts are all indications that there is some work to be done. Because none of that is true. It might feel like it is, but it’s not.

If those around you - your family, kids, friends, boss, etc. - are making you feel a certain way, the only way to fix that is from within yourself.

You can't change everybody else. They are who they are. As cliche as it sounds, you have to be the change you want to see.?

With that, you have two choices for the last few months of 2024…

You can remain calm and allow things to roll off your shoulders.?

Or, you can do what you’ve always done and allow everything to bug you. Allow others to ruin your holidays. Allow it to hurt when it doesn't have to.?

That might feel impossible right now, but I promise you it’s possible and worth it.

If you don’t know how to get there on your own or if you don’t know what that looks or feels like, that’s what I am here for.?

? Book your free Compatibility Call ?

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