Reading the Virtual Room

While we often think what’s being said carries the most weight in meetings, it’s often what’s not being said that speaks volumes. I’m finding that so much of my communication with teammates is nonverbal, and plays a critical role in how I convey meaning and information to others—even when we’re not face to face. Think about it: every day we use thousands of nonverbal cues and behaviors, including posture, facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, tones of voice, and more.

So, I’ve been ramping up my nonverbal decoding (how I read others’ body language) and encoding (how I use body language) skills. Below are some ideas I’ve tried on in my not-so-perfect journey to be better at reading and managing the virtual room.

Reading body language (decoding)

As a manager, I’ve recently asked myself: how the heck am I supposed to scour and monitor up to 50 open windows (from 50 different households) at a time? Not sure that’s possible, but I do try to scan and read nonverbal cues to better understand individuals’ feelings, and the meaning and intent of what they are saying. A few of those cues include :

• Posture. If a person has their shoulders back and spine straight, this is a sign that they are engaged, listening and open to the ideas or information. If they are exhibiting poor posture with their shoulders slouched or raised and spine bent, they might be less engaged, nervous, anxious or angry.
• Use of arms. If a person has their arms down to their side, on the table or arranged in some other open way, this is a sign that they feel positive and ready to absorb information. If their arms are crossed or closed, they might be experiencing some sort of negative emotion.
• Facial expressions. If you are communicating with someone who is frowning, has a furrowed brow or tight lips, you might pause to ensure they don’t feel confused, angry or some other negative emotion. If you are communicating with someone who has a soft smile, relaxed facial muscles or gently raised eyebrows, this is a sign that they feel good about the information you are presenting. I’m also mindful that my default facial expression is a frown (thanks, genetics) so I’ve been working to soften that up a bit in case someone on the other end is trying to decode my state of mind.

Using body language to communicate (encoding)

There are also several nonverbal techniques I’ve been practicing to improve my own communication in virtual meetings. (Admittedly, I won’t be teaching a Master Class on this anytime soon.) 

• Eye contact. The way we look at someone can communicate many things, including interest, understanding, support or frustration. I’m learning to use eye contact intentionally to maintain the flow of conversation and to gauge others’ interest and response.
• Mirroring. The subtle body movements we make also offer a wealth of information. And how we reflect that we are engaged, in agreement or understanding others is critical. For example, if someone leans back from the camera, I lean back to match that more relaxed state. If they lean forward and show eagerness or interest, I [try to] do the same. 
• Voice. Truth: it’s not just what we say, it’s how we say it. When we speak, other people “read”our voices in addition to listening to our words. Because of that, I’m paying more attention to different voice attributes and what they convey, including things like: timing and pace, how loud I speak, my tone and inflection, and sounds that convey understanding. 

Again, I’m by no means an expert at nonverbal communication, and so I’d love to hear how you are navigating this new virtual meeting territory. And if you’re interested, check out a few of my thoughts on the New Rules of Engagement for Remote Work, and share your ideas