Read this if you struggle with indecision

You don’t have to think twice when you see a red light. You know you have to stop. You don’t have to think about whether or not you should drink water today. You don’t have to think about whether or not you should wear clothes today. These are simple decision that we don’t have to think about, we just do them. We don’t think about the consequences of not doing them because these decisions are so programmed in us that we don’t even consider the consequences if we don’t do them. These are some of the simplest decisions that most people make on a given day. These are easy and cause no stress. What if I told you we could do the same thing with some of the bigger and more important decisions we have to make?

This can be achieved if we have a true understanding of ourselves and know how to listen. What people don’t understand is what do I listen to? And what do I listen for? They ask themselves ‘should I listen to my heart or my head?’ It is the age old question that we really don’t understand. Some people think that one has to get sacrificed for the other. It doesn’t have to be this way. The best decision we can make are the ones that involve both.

This concept may seem obvious. It is what we all try to do when faced with making a difficult decision. If the decision you are making does not make the most sense in your head, and check all the designated boxes that you outlined as your evaluation criteria as well as a feeling you get inside then that decision is not the right one. If the feeling inside of you is not a feeling of hope, excitement, and commitment then it is not the right one. We have to combine these things together to get our desired results. We shouldn’t be ignoring one and placing all of our stock in the other. We often ignore logical factors and make a rushed decision based from pure emotion. This is extremely dangerous behavior. If we make decisions solely off of emotion, you will likely regret that decision once you calm down and get a level head. These decisions are made with only the short term in mind. You don’t take into consideration the externalities of that decision. The most harmful effect of emotional decisions making is on yourself. Even if you know there is a better alternative out there, once you make this decision you don’t want to reverse it and change your mind because you are too stubborn. You don’t want to admit to yourself that you acted out of pure emotion and it wasn’t the best choice. You don’t want to let yourself be wrong. You just want to stick with it because you don’t want to seem weak or indecisive. This is an absolute killer. Making decisions off of pure logic is a little better and some decisions like hiring and firing must not involve any emotion but for practically everything else, it is still the wrong answer. If you make a decision based off of straight logic then you are likely going to have a difficult time getting behind it, believing in it, and maximizing its potential. Just because something makes sense, doesn’t mean it makes sense for you personally. If you don’t have any emotion in your decisions it’s almost as if you are letting other people make decisions for you. You’re not actually doing what you want, you aren’t listening to yourself. Just going off of what seems to be most right is not always right. In reality however, there is no way to actually know whether a decisions is going to end up good or bad. We have to just do the best we can, and have faith.

 Let me provide some context for you. First of all, stop viewing every decision as a major life decision that is going to affect the entirety of your current and future existence. There are only a handful of major decisions that we will have to make in life. Things like what school we go to (you can always transfer), what major we choose (you can always switch), what career path we choose (we can always change), who we marry (there’s always divorce), where we decide to live (you can always move), what we spend our money on (just know what you can and can’t afford, seriously don’t overthink this). These are some of the bigger and more impactful decisions we will have to make in our lifetime but as I have shown, there are always alternatives. We are never tied down to one thing or stuck in one situation.

Life is more about the small decisions we make on a daily, weekly, monthly basis that add up to the results we get and who we become over the years. Say you are considering a career change. You studied communications in college and were interested for a time, in being in media. You got a job in the field you studied for in college and seemed to be satisfied. You worked for a few years and you decided you want to pursue a career in art. You have always loved creating art and being around art but you were always told it wasn’t where the money was so you never really considered jumping into it with both feet and really committing to it. But now you really want to pursue a career in art. You are reversing one of your major life decisions. From the macro perspective this could be your downfall and could be a major setback for you. You are faced with an extremely tough decision. Stay where you are and where you know you can make money or dive into the great unknown. The key with making a major life decision such as this one, it absolutely requires both logic and emotion. Both your heart and mind have to be in it and you must listen to them both and give them their proper respect. From the logical perspective, do you have the finances to make this switch? Do you have enough money saved? Do you have a realistic and thorough plan to starting earning income from this new opportunity? That’s really all you have to think about. Reversing a major life decisions doesn’t mean reverse your life. You just have to edit your life a little bit. You may have to be a little more attentive to your finances and limit some of your expenses. There is really nothing stopping you other than yourself. You don’t need to ask permission or justify your reasoning for this change to others. Just go for it. Nothing will make perfect sense at first, but it will in time.

When you first started in your career that you were in it didn’t make sense at first but it did when you really got into it. The truth is, nobody knows what they’re doing at first. They figure it out though. We have to be able to trust time and our future selves. When we have to make a decision that affects our future more than our present we must think about the growth we will have between now and that time. While we can never know for sure, it is very likely what we want exactly right now, will be very different from what we want in the future. So envision yourself say a year from now, think about what you want and where you want to be. If the decision you are making is in line with your future self, you will have a far better understanding of whether this decision you are making is the right one. Do not ignore this step in the process, it is the most important and will provide great clarity in your decision making process.

 From the emotional perspective, is this going to add to your happiness? When you think about the decision what feelings come to you? Are they positive and optimistic feelings or are they scary or anxious feelings? Is the mental imagery that of you succeeding or of you becoming frustrated and filled with regret? Do you feel worry or excitement? You must also consider what you are lacking. If you have an urge or want to make a career change and pursue a different field of employment you are unfulfilled in some way. Or maybe you’ve mastered your current occupation and you’re bored and want something new. It doesn’t matter where you’ve come from or your reasoning for wanting change, the concepts still apply. The opinions and judgement of others will likely serve as your excuse for not making that leap and just staying complacent. There is a big difference in being aware of others opinions and caring about them. Let’s step into their shoes. From an outsiders perspective you have it all. You are doing something you are good at (assuming) and knowledgeable in and you make good money while doing it. Everyone at some point wants that for themselves. I think there is nothing bad at all about being aware of the outsider’s perspective. It helps you to be more perceptive and adds to your self-awareness. However, it should absolutely not be taken into consideration when you are making major decisions. The value of other people’s opinions doesn’t matter because they don’t know what it feels like. They could never have an understanding of your internal reasoning. This is why it is so important to make decisions with your mind and heart. You have the ability to utilize creativity and imagination in your decision making. Other people cannot use creativity when making decisions for other people that’s why their opinions shouldn’t affect your thoughts and processes. They can only think from one side of the spectrum. Decisions are made from multiple dimensions involving every part of your being. This is how we know if the decisions we make are good ones and have the ability to believe in ourselves and things we choose.

I believe that we all have the ability to work towards a point where we can make major decisions the same way we make small moment by moment decisions, like what we are going to eat, what color shirt we are going to wear or what show we are going to watch on Netflix. These are just examples of small and insignificant decisions we make each and every day. We don’t have to put a ton of effort into making these decisions, they just come naturally and they have really very little impact in the grand scheme of things. These decisions are not just based on what we feel like in the moment. These decisions are very easy for us because we know ourselves and we trust ourselves to make a decision that we can be happy with. There is no reason we cannot apply this to some of the bigger decisions we have to make throughout the years.

If we can have a great understanding of ourselves and can fully trust ourselves to make a decision that we can really get behind and commit to then these major decisions we have to make will be easy and we won’t have to stress, or evaluate how it will affect every aspect of our life or consult every person we know. We can trust that the decision we make will be the best and most beneficial for us because we have such a great connection and trust level with our self. I was once listening to a School of Greatness podcast episode by Lewis Howes (great podcast, highly recommend). Howes was interviewing Kyle Cease. Cease talked about how we shouldn’t be making decisions by a checklist or a pro and con. We should make decisions based on what will gain from it and how it will add to our life. I loved the point that Cease made about this. It got me thinking how dangerous decision making based on pros and cons can be.

I believe the symptoms of pro and con decisions making will lead to analysis paralysis, or death from overthinking. Overthinking is one of the most toxic things that can happen to our brain. It is way too much thinking combined with no doing. It will stress us out to no end and we will not even be able to come out with a good and viable solution. Overthinking is like trying to run a race with sandbags on your feet. You may be able to gain a small amount of ground very slowly and it will take you forever, but no real progress will be made and so many others will surpass you and leave you behind. You will not get anywhere trying to take forever to think about whether a certain decision is good or bad for you. It is too easy to get caught up on the cons and what you will lose or the difficulties you don’t feel like enduring. The more you think about a decision, the more you dwell on the negatives. When you do this you will ultimately decide to not go for it or not take that chance. This leads to missed opportunities. You never know, that opportunity you overthought may have been your big break or the thing that changes your life.

This is why I believe that whenever you feel the motivation to do something or you get that feeling inside that you don’t know what it is but you know it’s meaningful, you have to follow it. We don’t know our own future. We can’t predict what is going to happen next. Opportunities and “big breaks” are not going to fall into our lap and there aren’t going to be clear and obvious signs that appear in your life that say “YES GO AFTER THIS, THIS IS EVERYTHING YOU’VE WAITED FOR” or “DON’T DO THIS, PLEASE STAY AWAY”. We can only know by doing, by taking action. If you feel that a decision you are making is going to make you a better person or add value and meaning to your life, you have to pursue it. If you avoid whatever it is you’re considering, you will feel regret. It won’t be regret you feel right away. Right after you’ll just be relieved about all the obstacles you didn’t have to face in order to achieve success. You will be glad you saved yourself some time and energy and the possibility of failure. Regret will settle in much later in life. You will look back and think to yourself about the opportunity you passed up and didn’t go after and now you wish you had. Do not be this person. Trust yourself to make the right decisions.

This can be attained by building a great connection with yourself. You have the wisdom and clarity to make good decisions and see the value and benefits that it will bring to your life. This takes time. It may take you a lifetime. The process along the way will be extremely rewarding and will change your life for the better. So if you have a long history of making poor decisions and overthinking and getting caught up on the drawbacks, it isn’t over. It is only just the beginning for you. You will first have to make a commitment to changing the way you evaluate the decisions you make. You will have to work extremely hard towards building that connection with yourself. Mindfulness and reflection will be your best friends during this rebuilding process. These are two extremely helpful tools in helping you strengthen that connection with yourself. The goal to strive for is clarity and oneness in your mind, heart, and soul. If we can have these three in line, along with focusing on what you will gain, is how we can make the best decisions from day to day, year to year, and decade to decade. All the decisions we make whether big or small will come easy to us and we will know in the moment that it was the right decision and we are motivated to make ourselves proud of the decisions we made.

The most encouraging thing that I can tell you is, you can reverse pretty much any decision you make. If you are not left for dead then there is always a way to correct your mistake and turn it into something positive. We need to get out of the mindset that one wrong choice will mess up everything and we will be doomed. Second chances are a real thing and we all get them. No matter how bad or wrong of a decision we make, we have the opportunity to take that and turn it into something positive. You must first admit that you messed up, own up to it and accept the fact that you made a mistake. Congrats it’s only you and every other human who is living, has lived, and will live. Mistakes are commonplace in humanity. Mankind was built on a huge mistake. Mistakes are a part of life that we must all deal with and overcome. Don’t ever make yourself feel any less because you did something wrong. It will be much easier if you accept responsibility and don’t look for a scapegoat. This will just put us in denial and prevent us from moving on and learning from our mistakes. I just want you to know that it is ok to make mistakes. As you progress in life you will learn that mistakes are life’s preferred agent for change. You will learn way more from your mistakes and you will be amazed at how much growth you see after a mistake. What I explained earlier is not an outline for a foolproof way of making the best decisions. You will still mess up and make the wrong choice many times. The process I have outlined is too simply save your time and energy when you make decisions. You will trust the decisions you make more and won’t have to worry and agonize over whether or not what you decided to do will ultimately be right or wrong. Constantly work on building that connection with yourself. Learn how to trust yourself. Once we do this we can start making more clear decisions and we can know and feel what is best for us.

References

Cease, K. (2019, August ). School of Greatness . (L. Howes, Interviewer)