Read this if you are a man who has ever had trouble urinating

I know this isn’t a usual topic for LinkedIn, or even for polite society generally. I hope you will forgive me for talking about this. But I feel I must.

Because I didn't know this could happen. 

I didn’t know this could happen

And I don’t want it to ever happen to anyone else. 

If you are a middle-aged man (I’m 54), please read this. If you know a middle-aged man, please share this with him.

On Sunday, I drove with colleagues to a corporate retreat that was in a cabin in the mountains, about three hours from my house and at 11,000 feet. And once we were there, I discovered that even though I felt an intense need, I could not urinate.

I have occasionally had trouble urinating, especially if I’ve been holding it awhile—because of a meeting or a phone call or a drive that went longer than expected. I had been told at one point that I had a slightly enlarged prostate, but that it was normal thing as a man gets older. And over the years, I’ve gotten up more often at night, and sometimes had some trouble getting things started then.

But nothing like this. I could not go. It did not matter what I did, how hard I tried, how intense the urge was. Nothing would come out.

I had partially emptied my bladder, with some struggle, on the way to the cabin. But I had not fully emptied my bladder since we left at 9 am.

I kept trying every few minutes. A couple of hours in, I confided sheepishly to my colleagues about the problem I was having. At 4:30 I regrettably determined that a colleague would have to leave the meeting (a day early) to give me a ride home. For the next several hours we drove over incredibly rough roads and I felt every bump. The pain came in intense waves, and every few miles we stopped to see if I could go, if it was maybe an altitude thing, if maybe my parts would let go and I could finally go again.

Nothing. I tried a lot of things to get me to go that I will not share here. Nothing worked.

And I suffered. Boy did I suffer.

I suffered terribly

When my colleague dropped me off at home, I took a shower, hoping that would somehow help. It didn’t. As someone who has trouble asking for help, I finally let my wife take me to the ER. And after a wait that felt excruciatingly long, they put a catheter in me and drained my bladder.

Getting a catheter inserted, especially when a nurse has to force it through an enlarged prostate, is excruciating. (I think it was even harder for my wife to watch.) But then there was incredible relief. And then there was the news that I would have to wear the catheter for a week. Only then would a urologist determine next steps.

The catheter was inserted on Sunday, so this is day 5 of my experience. What is most likely is that there will be medication or minor surgery, depending on how well I do when the catheter is removed next Monday. That really isn’t the important part.

The important part is that I could have prevented this. I could have gone to the doctor sooner for my symptoms, symptoms I thought were just the normal facts of aging. I could have prevented the most excruciating twelve hours of my life.

But I didn’t. Because I didn’t know this could happen.

I hesitate to post this, to talk about this thing that affects so many men that is not talked about. 

I have never heard of another man going through this, and yet when I went to the emergency room and told the nurse my problem she said, “We see this all the time.”

We need to talk about this more

Which means we need to be talking about this more. We need to be talking about the fact that if a man dismisses symptoms of an enlarged prostate (which is usually benign, but difficult nonetheless), he could have an excruciating experience just like mine.

I feel a level of vulnerability, of even shame, talking about this basic bodily function and my own failure to attend to it, to take care of myself, to get help when I needed it. 

Please make sure my sharing is not in vain.

Please share this

Please take a look at this link if you want more information on BPH (benign prostatic hyperplasia, or enlarged prostate) and its symptoms. And of course pay attention if there are any signs of prostate cancer, which is much less common in middle age, but still a possibility.

Please share this so that no one else has to go through what I just went through. And please see a doctor if you are having any symptoms. Because you never know what it could turn into.

Or when.