Read This First: 5 Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce

Filing for divorce is a monumental decision with profound impacts on the lives of you and those around you—and it is essential to fully consider all factors to ensure you're fully prepared to take this step. From my perspective as a seasoned family law attorney, there are five key elements to consider before heading down the road of divorce.

1. Understand the Root Cause of Your Divorce

What's Going On??

Before you find yourself on the phone with a divorce attorney, getting ready to start the divorce process, I encourage you to take a breath and reflect. Ask yourself, "What's going on?".

Understanding the root cause can help you approach the situation more effectively. Was there a trigger event, such as uncovering a betrayal of trust—like infidelity or significant debt? Or perhaps your situation is more straightforward because you've just grown apart over the years and are both ready to go your separate ways. Whatever "it" is, clearly understanding why the divorce is happening is vital—especially as it relates to gathering information and other evidence as you prepare for upcoming proceedings.

Who is Initiating the Divorce?

Another crucial aspect of any divorce is whether you're initiating or responding to your spouse's decision. Whether you're on the metaphorical offense or defense, your strategy will significantly differ.

If you do not want a divorce, it is crucial to address your feelings and gather your thoughts, as an unwanted divorce is an incredibly painful thing to process. Seeking a trusted mental health professional at this stage in the divorce process—regardless of whether you are initiating or responding to the divorce—can help provide the clarity and support needed as you and your family navigate this change.

Throughout my career, I have seen nearly every imaginable divorce scenario and have been on both the offense and defense sides. During this early stage in the divorce process, when many of my clients are still weighing options, I will often begin by helping them articulate their most favorable outcome should they continue with the divorce process and, if not their most favorable, their acceptable outcomes. Doing this allows me to empathize with their situation while focusing on accomplishing my client's wishes.

2. Define Your Priorities

What is Most Important to You?

If you are starting the divorce process—or are considering divorce—I encourage you to clearly identify your priorities.

For most of my clients who have young children, their top priorities look like maintaining custody and minimizing the trauma and impact the divorce will have on their children.

However, other factors may also be important, such as retaining your home, securing financial stability (e.g., alimony), and/or safeguarding personal assets. Regardless of your top priorities, ensuring that you and your legal counsel are aligned and have a clear vision can significantly improve your satisfaction with the divorce's outcome.

3. Become Your Own Detective

Gather Information

Many of my clients know that when they notify their spouse of their desire to divorce, they will be left vulnerable and unable to access information that could be critical for their case—especially things that may be in the shared home that they may no longer reside in.

When clients come in for a consultation with me, I often advise them to gather as much of their own discovery for their case as possible—collecting information, such as financial records, communication logs, or any other relevant documents.

For instance, if the cause of your divorce is something like gambling, it would be wise to attempt to collect records, like receipts and bank statements, to use for your case.

I encourage my clients who are beginning the divorce process to safely secure anything they risk losing access to once they file for divorce, especially if those records relate to the case.

4. Educate Yourself on What is Legal

Learn What You Can and Cannot Do

It can be easy to want to take punitive actions towards your ex for the pain and suffering they've subjected you to throughout your relationship. Often, the knee-jerk reaction is to cut that person off in every sense of the word. However, what's important to understand is that no matter your feelings, there are rules for what you can and cannot do legally.

For example, legally, you cannot dissipate marital funds. Additionally, take the time to learn about your rights regarding removing your spouse from accounts, insurance policies, and other shared commitments.

As you begin the divorce process, educating yourself on what changes you legally can and cannot make may simplify matters as you move through the process, leading to a much less contentious divorce with faster resolution.

5. Maintain Composure and Integrity

Be Cordial and Mature

Throughout the divorce process, I always advise my clients to strive to be as cordial and adult as possible. Taking the high road reflects well on you and sets a positive example for your children.

Remember that your actions and behavior will likely be scrutinized and discussed before a judge. Demonstrating maturity and composure throughout the process will, at minimum, put your mind at ease that you took the high road, but may also lead to faster and more amicable resolutions.

Closing Thoughts

Filing for divorce is a complex and emotionally charged decision. You can navigate this challenging time more effectively by understanding the root causes, defining your priorities, gathering essential information, educating yourself on legal nuances, and maintaining your composure.

With 20+ years of experience, I work hard to ensure my clients receive the support and guidance needed to achieve the best possible outcome. If you're considering divorce, please contact our office at (410) 657-2515 or [email protected] for compassionate and professional legal assistance. We are here to help!

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Disclaimer: Legal Information, Not Advice

The content in this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. No attorney-client relationship is established by accessing or using this site. While we strive for accuracy, we make no warranties about the completeness or reliability of the information. Any reliance you place on the content is at your own risk. We are not liable for any loss or damage resulting from the use of this blog. Links to external sites are provided for convenience and do not imply endorsement. Past results do not guarantee future outcomes. For personalized legal advice, please consult with a licensed attorney.

With over 20 years of experience, Kerri Cohen, a seasoned family law attorney, offers expert guidance to help you navigate this challenging process.

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