Read Anyone Like a Book, Chapter 1: Appearance

In the Introduction to this series, I make the case that the most successful people in life can read the people they are dealing with like a book. They know their fears and motivations; their natural predispositions and biases. They know the truth-tellers from the liars and the disingenuous. They can read the doers and authentic as well as the pretenders and BS artists.

This special ability gives “people-readers” the upper hand in negotiations and saves them an inordinate amount of wasted time, money and effort.

In this post, we will cover how to read people by their appearance. This is the first chapter. It lays the foundation for better understanding one’s character and storyline. It provides hints on how the story will unfold. Appearance is much more than just attire. It includes age, grooming, manners, body language and energy level. Appearance is the complete outward package. When all of these inputs are considered, they reveal important “tells” and help you read and interpret what is to come in later chapters. 

You are no doubt familiar with the old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” The same can be said of people. Looks can be deceiving – and you should take care not to make snap judgments based solely on looks, but if you know what to look for, one’s appearance and physical presence provide a window into who they truly are. One’s appearance can tell you whether they are sharp or disheveled; fastidious or indifferent. How people carry themselves provide clues as to how they think about themselves and others. Are they confident or insecure; approachable or cavalier?

One of the really important clues exposed by appearance is how a person thinks about and represents the organization he or she works for.

How people dress and accessorize says a lot about the kind of work they do and the organization they work for. Each one of us is a brand ambassador for the organization that employs us. We are walking representatives of our company’s values. If there is a mismatch between what you know about a company and how someone from that company dresses and behaves, you have an important insight into that person’s motivations and likely performance.

In my book, A True Professional, I recount a true story about an old college buddy who called me out of the blue and wanted to meet. He was a financial planner and wanted to discuss my investments and estate planning. He was with a well-respected company, so I graciously accepted his invitation to meet for coffee. Here is what his appearance and actions revealed to me:

• He was 10 minutes late; didn’t call or text to say he was running late and didn’t apologize for keeping me waiting.
• I barely recognized him. He was my age but looked at least 10 years older. He was at least 30 lbs. overweight.
• He wore an ill-fitting suit; the collar of his shirt was frayed and his tie was askew. His shoes looked like they had seen better days. One of them wasn’t even tied.
• He looked jaundiced and his hair was brittle and unkempt.
• As he launched into his pitch, he munched on a muffin and gulped down coffee, all while trying to espouse the benefits of his company’s products.
• During our ensuing conversation, he wheezed and coughed and eventually had to excuse himself to go outside for a smoke.

How I read him: The guy was a physical wreck. If he couldn’t take care of himself, why would I trust him to take care of my investments, or help plan my family’s future? All the work his company had done to build a reputation over many years and produce expensive client literature was shattered for me in under an hour. I felt sorry for him, but pity is the last thing a true professional wants from his associates.

Let’s explore ways to read people by their appearance:

Age

You can tell roughly how old most people are within 5-10 years. Look at their skin (especially the neck), back of their hands (age spots), teeth, facial hair, the skin under their eyes (puffy or not, taut or natural), jaw line (sharp or plump). Eyebrows, elbows, waistline, knees and skin glow all reveal clues. All the makeup, plastic surgery and dental work in the world can’t hide certain tells.

Most women are especially good at guessing people’s ages. So, if you know roughly how old someone is, what does that tell you about them? It gives you an insight into the extent of their life experience. All the smarts in the world can’t substitute for experience and wisdom. Additionally, if they have had “work” and are trying to look a lot younger than they really are, that reveals something about the way they think about themselves, or their workplace, their domestic relationships, and their place in the world.

Attire

You can tell a lot about people by the type of clothing they wear, especially if you see them on multiple occasions. All people wear “uniforms” which reveal what they do for a living. It’s fairly easy to tell an attorney or banker from a waiter or landscaper. More important than what people wear is how they wear it and how they accessorize.

Is their attire in style or out of style, new or well-worn? Is their attire clean, pressed and fresh, or does it look like they slept in it last night? What kind of jewelry do they wear, if at all? What kind of purse or wallet? Do they sport a hat, scarf or pocket handkerchief?

How people are attired provides insights into what profession they are in and how affluent they are. It also indicates whether they are fussy, organized and conscientious, or nonplussed, disorganized and careless. When you see them on multiple occasions, are they always wearing something you haven’t seen them wear before, or are they mixing-and-matching pieces of their wardrobe? How they accessorize (customize) provides insights into their personality – their unique statement about their individuality. Does their appearance indicate whether they even care what other’s think about them?

I once worked with a software programmer who had 6 pairs of the same shirt and slacks. He wore the exact same thing every day. To him, it was efficiency that mattered. Dressing was one less thing he had to think about every day. He just wanted to be left alone and to write good code. Every day I would compliment him on his stunning attire (which made him laugh) and took care not to pressure him to participate in office meetings and social activities he disliked. 

Grooming

You can tell a lot about people by how well-groomed they are. Is their hair styled or unkempt? Is their cut trendy or traditional, professional or artsy? Do they have dandruff? Are their nails neatly manicured, or sharp as knives and works of art? Do they have an understated, pleasant smell, or pungent body order? Do they have a natural tan or a fake tan? Does a man have unsightly hair growing out of his nose and ears like weeds? Is a woman wearing too much makeup? Does she have natural, trimmed eyebrows and eyelashes, or painted eyebrows and fake eyelashes? Does the person use cologne or perfume and is it “overdone?”

We can all make our own assumptions about these observations. For me, they provide a clue as to one’s self-image and how much they care about how they are perceived by others. I might ask myself, “How does he or she want me to perceive him or her by how they are groomed?” Some people are attentive to grooming; others (especially young people) have no clue. That might determine how I deal with them. Do I need to be on my guard, or more casual and forgiving? Of course, how I read them by how they are groomed also depends on the environment. People are going to be attired and groomed differently at the gym, then they will be at a networking event.

Manners / Etiquette

You can tell a lot about people by how well-mannered they are. Some people practice proper etiquette; others are oblivious to the obvious. The practice of etiquette is apparent in people who have either been bred that way by their parents or professionally trained by their workplace or youth leadership organizations. You can immediately tell whether someone is conscious of etiquette or not; whether they are attentive to minding their manners, or oblivious to the uncouth signals they are sending.

Some of the signals to look for: Do they hold the door for others? Do they know how to dine in a professional or formal setting? Are they polite or crass; sensitive or insensitive to others? How do they treat the wait staff or the people who don’t have as high of a standing as others in the room? Let’s face it, some people are simply unbearable, and no matter how important they may be to your livelihood, you should do everything you can to limit your interactions with them.

Body Language

You can tell a lot about people’s current mood and willingness to engage by their body language. Several good books and blogs have been written on this subject, so I won’t belabor the lessons here. The most important tells are eye contact and tone of voice. Most reasonably perceptive human beings can tell whether the people they are dealing with are open and receptive or closed and negative; happy and inspired or incredulous and frustrated.

The important thing is to accurately read people’s body language over multiple encounters with them. That reveals whether the tell is part of their character or temporary mood. Someone who is usually talkative and vivacious; waving their arms all about themselves, should be read differently than someone who is usually quiet and reflective. Either way, you can temper each interaction with them by reading their body language and adjusting how you engage with them accordingly.

Fitness / Energy Level

You can tell a lot about people by how fit and energetic they are. These tells often have little to do with one’s age. I know people in their 70’s who are fit as a fiddle and full of energy, and people in their 20’s who always seem to be among the walking dead. Some people always look rested and ready to go; others always look like they haven’t slept in two days and need a long vacation. How physically fit one looks also says a lot about his or her lifestyle. Like the story of my old college buddy recounted above, it is pretty apparent when people are not making good lifestyle choices. That may not mean you don’t deal with them, it just may mean you need to adjust how you deal with them and moderate your expectations for how they will perform in your relationship over the long run.

In conclusion, reading people’s appearance involves assessing multiple inputs, including their age, attire, grooming, manners, body language and energy level. You may think doing so is complicated, but it is remarkably easy if you simply tick down the categories. The best people-readers can do this assessment within minutes or hours of meeting someone. Remember not to jump to conclusions too quickly. Triangulate several of these inputs to get a good read.

[Do you have your own secrets or methods for reading people by their appearance? What are the tells you look for? Please share in the comments below.]

Next up, Chapter 2: How to Read People by their level of Knowledge.

About the Author

Michael O’Donnell is a serial entrepreneur, author, instructor and M&A Professional. His latest book, A True Professional, details the qualities and behaviors necessary to rise to the top of any profession.