Reactions vs Responses

Today I want to talk about our reactions to circumstances or people instead of responses.

Why are we reacting? ?

Where is it coming from?

What can we do to respond from our hearts instead of reacting?

First thing to understand that majority of people, because of lack of understanding, think that they react to their current outer circumstances either it is something they have heard on the news, or something their spouse or colleague or boss said, or if things don’t go the way they want them to go.

It is very important to understand that we are not reacting to our current circumstances, our reactions have much deeper roots and usually it is going all of the way to our childhood experiences.

If for example as a child your mind developed defensive behavior because one of your parents didn’t give you unconditional love, safety and connection you will carry that behavior with you all your life without even realizing that you are having it.

And even if people will point out that you are defensive you will not understand why you are behaving the way you do and you will think that they try to attack you.

See what happens, your subconscious mind assesses every situation and makes judgment on every situation before your conscious mind. Your subconscious mind will always look at your past experiences. So then you are going to be 30,40 ,50 but you will react according to your subconscious behavior of a child.

So, you are not experiencing reality as it is, but you are experiencing reality based on your past emotional experiences of a child.

We all react even I do react from time to time, but the difference is that even if I react, I catch myself immediately, and I choose to respond instead. Majority of people are not even aware that they are reacting.

So the question is how long do you want to react? I can say that there is not a lot of things I’m going to react to. Overtime my mind learned to switch into choosing response from my heart.

Every emotion is released neurobiologically from your system between 30 seconds and maxim of two minutes. That’s coming from neuroscience research. So then if you keep reacting by being angry, frustrated, judgmental, ashamed, disappointed more than two minutes you are making it up , it is not even true anymore.

If you are making decisions in state of reaction you will activate primitive part of the brain which will avoid seeing the truth and will only seek immediate gratification trying to hide.

You think it is the situation or people but in reality, it is your thinking about the situation not the situation itself.

Another example something doesn’t go the way you want and instead of looking at the situation and accepting it for what it is and asking How I want it to be , you start doubt, worry and create the worst case scenario that is not even true.

Again if you are going to have conversations with someone in the state of doubt, fear and worry it is going to affect the end result of what you want.

If you are angry about something ask yourself:

What is it I’m angry about ? – anger comes from your assumptions and expectations how you think things should be and must be. So, in a sense you created false fantasies rather then accepting and loving things as they are! Under anger there is going to be fear.

We all know that we can feel each other energy but for some reason we don’t get it on a deeper level and by our reactions we are just making everything worse. Exterior conditions can never create interior conditions.

So no matter how bad things get interior of you (your heart, your soul, your mind) is not affected unless you make a decisions and allow the exterior conditions control you.

Choosing your response

Do I want to nurture my reaction to what happened?

Or do I want to choose my response?

Two easy questions to ask and any time you are getting triggered take deep breath and think what you want to do. You can say everything you want to say, you can say the same thing coming from anger and frustration and it is not going to be well received or you can say exactly the same thing coming from the place of love and compassion.

Remember LOVE creates, FEAR reacts and destroys.

There is what you can do If you are getting caught up in negative, judgmental, defensive, angry thought patters and emotional cycle.

1.??????Find calm place if you are at work you can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom and breathe few minutes from the heart with each breathe imagine that your mind, emotions and your body becoming still.

2.??????Or you can just sit with your emotions without any judgments for 30 -90 seconds and it will be released neurobiologically from your blood stream this can be done even in a busy traffic, in a supermarket everywhere. No one will notice that you are processing your emotions in 90 seconds. Using this practice my clients often report that they feel emotional release in their bodies, and I have exactly the same experience I use 30-90 second rule with the breathing in my heart to bring me back to present time, so I can see things as they are , not from the lenses of the past experiences.

3.??????Once your emotions are released you can ask yourself

Who Am I and who do I want to be in relationship to that?

What emotions I would like to experience now?

When in my life did I feel that emotion?

And feel it , you will raise your vibration and you will move from negativity to Love, joy?and compassion.

Why this process is so important in day-to-day life?

When you feel elevated emotions of your heart which are Love, Joy, Inspiration, Worthiness, Enoughness, Freedom, Certainty, Trust , Gratitude you will not react because you will feel so good, so nothing will trigger you ?? .

When you heart is open Executive part of your brain is open “Neocortex” to see things as they are , to separate truth form illusion which gives you the power to make objective decisions not based of fear. That what authenticity is about.

Research proves that heart receives communication first and then sends it to the brain, brain interprets it as a feeling and sends it back to the heart and to every cell in your body through hormones and neurotransmitters.

On the contrary when you feel frustrated, angry, shame, disappointment electromagnetic field around your heart shrinks that means your heart is closed and sending incoherent messages to the brain. You activate your primitive part of the brain which only seeks immediate gratification, and trying to hide, control, manipulate. ?

When you are making decisions or having communications coming from unbalanced perceptions which are unbalanced emotions of anger, frustration and so on you are reacting, you are not authentic and?everything you speak and do is only for short term gratification which is also selfish.

This is why it is so important to understand coherence of your heart and your brain. Remember you are choosing everything with your Mind and your body is just a feedback machine to let you know that somewhere you are out of balance.

This is why you and only you create your reality, you like it or not this is truth, that is hard to swallow for some people.

You have the control over your perception, decision and actions no one else unless you allow it ??

When you blame and judge someone else, government, covid whatever you blame for your circumstances there is nothing wrong with that, you can do it this way, but understand until you accept the truth that you created your reality that you don’t like you can’t change it .

When you say I created my reality that I don’t like not the government or my spouse or covid than you can change it, because you took responsibility for your creation ??

?

So start each day from

Thought of Joy, word of truth and feeling of love ??

When you accept yourself and everything else just as it is, you will open your heart again to unconditional love this will bring to you opportunities you never thought before. You will lose your fear of not being enough and having enough or fear of losing, because you simply know that you can create and recreate everything you want.

You can lift your life energy or your sprit it is the same thing through your heart. A keyway to lift our spirit such as care, compassion, kindness, appreciation and forgiveness in our interactions throughout the day. This will put you in the flow of life in most challenging times and will prevent and reduce stress.

Know yourself.

Trust yourself.

Love yourself.

Inspire yourself.

?

If you need help in accepting yourself and things as they are, if you need help to take control back and create your reality so you are not playing the victim or trying to force and control everything then book a Free call with me ??