Reacting and Responding

When I first started experimenting with cold showers I’d turn the mixer to cold, stand back and use my hand to test the temperature of the water. Once I’d confirmed it was cold I’d tentatively put one shoulder under the water before reacting to the cold with a twirly sort of dance that ensured no part of my body was under the water for any longer than it needed to be. This would be accompanied by me rapidly counting to a hundred and then turning the shower off.?

As time passed, I gradually became accustomed to the shock my body felt when first encountering the cold water. I learnt that standing still and letting the water run over my body was a better way to respond to the cold than performing my twirly sort of dance. I found that it was better to respond to the cold water than react to it.

I’ve been trying to apply my ‘respond rather than react’ theory to my early morning cold water swims. I’m not always successful as it can be so cathartic to make lots of noise as your body is subsumed by the cold water!!! However, when I am able to quieten my reactive screeching and replace it with a focussed response of being immersed in the cold water I feel calm and in control.

I think this is the same for leadership. While there will be times when it is more appropriate to react than respond, most times a measured response will be more helpful and leave us feeling calm and in control.

The trouble with reactions is that they are immediate, instinctive and often emotional. They can come across as defensive and may trigger a survival response of fight, flight, freeze of fawn.?

On the other hand, when we suppress our reaction and take the time to respond, we come across as thoughtful and intentional.?

Sometimes the actions of others put us in situations where we are more likely to react than respond. This often happens when we are being asked to make a decision. Inquiring as to when the decision needs to be made can buy us some much needed time and allow us to move from react to respond. I have also found it helpful to say things like “Can I think about this and get back to you?” Just because somebody is asking you to react doesn’t mean you have to!

I often write about the use of declarations which we also learn about in my Setting Yourself Up for Success Masterclass. Declarations are statements we have at the ready whenever we are trying to shift the way we act.?

If you want to be a leader who responds more than reacts then a declaration you might like to use is: “I respond not react.” Write it on a post it note and have it placed strategically in your office. Saying it over and over again to yourself can also help.

You might also like to test out my cold shower response theory and let me know how you get on.