Reaching Out Initiative

Being mentally healthy can be difficult when we face major life changes. As a resilience coach, I stand up and inspire people to remember that it doesn't matter how ones story starts, but what we do with the middle bits, so that we can choose how we want it to end in a way that matters to us.

Even the most resilient person can, however, experience symptoms of depression when they lose someone or something of value - a career that they have invested parts of themselves in, a loved one through death or divorce, a lifestyle through health complications or financial adversity, or relationships that once were important or meaningful.

Personally, I believe the worst words anyone can say to someone struggling with huge emotions and difficult changes, are ones that want to skip the pain and head straight to a happy ending.

Many years ago, a special friend lost a child. At the time, I didn't know what to say to her, but I knew she had to work through the pain and loss in her own time, in her own way. For about a year, once a month she came our home, sat on the couch with a cup of coffee and together we cried in silence for a couple of hours. During that time, I listened to her sharing how people's comments, made to make her feel better, actually hurt her more deeply.

If we're honest, sitting next to someone who is hurting or suffering an illness can leave us feeling helpless and vulnerable. We want to do something, or say something to make it better - preferably as soon as possible. Yet, our words and actions can often make it worse.

I cannot help but wonder if people hide their depression from others, because they would rather be alone than listen to people giving them advice.

People diagnosed with depression often withdraw, it's one of the symptoms of the illness. I think we should respect their boundaries, but I still advocate that we prioritize reaching out to them. Whether we send them a daily text message, WhatsApp, Snapchat, WeChat, email, send flowers and a card, or buy them chocolates - WE should take the initiative to reach out to them.

Be warned though, you most likely will not get a response. They will appreciate your efforts, but will remain withdrawn and elusive. Keep on taking the initiative to reach out! One day, like a caterpillar, they will emerge from under the covers of darkness as a social butterfly, ready to dazzle the world with their vibrance, and you can be assured that you have been a part of that transformation.

"To the world you may be one person. To one one person, you might be their world."

Interestingly enough, the more we practice feeling uncomfortable and helpless around others, the better we become when facing our own struggles. We learn that we don't have to fix everything, and we don't always have to have the answers to everything either. Sometimes, it is better to stay still and appreciate the silence until it passes.

Can you think of someone who might need you to take the initiative and reach out to them?

If that someone struggling is you, I hope that you will take the initiative and reach out to let someone you trust know that you're struggling, so that you aren't alone. Your story can still finish well.