REACHING OUT TO ABUSED MEN...
Abuse comes from people of all shapes and sizes. Males as well as females can be subjected to the mistreatment both physically and/or mentally and that abuse is always perpetuated by a real or perceived power differential. When a man is the target of abuse it widely goes unreported for several reasons. Some of these reasons include: the female abuser twists the story to make it into the mans fault, authorities don’t believe the man, the man feels shamed and can’t bare to tell anyone the story because of their embarrassment.
What I am writing next is actually a share of a man’s story of being an abuse victim. The critical need that the title of this article refers to is a critical surgery that the man needs as a result of abuse. He has been injured bad enough that either he gets this surgery so he can get back into the work force or he loses home. basically during the final struggle he received a tear in the muscle near the groin--a hernia occur so a rather large amount of his insides is only being held in by skin. It can also be dangerous to have a wound this bad as the doctors have told Jill (a fellow admin to this space,) that if the hernia become stuck or "strangulated" then it becomes a life threatening emergency.
As such, all revenue proceeds generated by the Narcissism and Codependency space are being funnelled into his surgery fund. I ask that you consider donating a few dollars toward him getting this complete. Even if its just a couple of dollars it moves us closer to the finish line. HIs future lies in the balance as he simply cannot work with the injury as bad as it is. If you would like to pitch in for the surgery there is a paypal account set up where all proceeds go toward this desperately needed surgery.
Anyone, men and women, who have been a victim of domestic violence or suffered abuse from a narcissist should take the time to read this.
There have been efforts to promote awareness of domestic violence, but the information seems to be from the dark ages and it’s not until you hear from the survivors who share their stories do you get a better understanding of how serious the effects are. There’s also an even darker side many people don’t know. When the victim, a man, is never seen as being a victim, and is left with no options of overcoming the horrific situation they’re in. I hope by sharing this story it helps bring awareness to how deadly domestic violence can be and how abuse by someone, who with narcissistic tendencies and drug abuse, can become lethal and life changing.
Society has no tolerance for women being physically abused and rightly so. But if you are a man, the table can be easily turned on you to make you the abuser and there can be a limited ability for men to even demonstrate their innocence in our justice system when they are falsely accused. This is a real example of how an abuser was helped in punishing her victim by the same people who are supposed to protect victims of abuse.
I met my ex-wife over 13 years ago. I thought that she loved me. I was in love. I was so in love that when she began hitting me in the face with a closed fist in the first year of our marriage, I just took it.
My abuser was successful for one main reason, she had the ability to conjure a story and look innocent and the default in our justice system is to believe that men are the abusers and not women. The statistics of domestic violence tell a different story. Men are victims of physical abuse by women at almost the same rate as women by men. If officials had believed my initial complaints, I’m sure the situation wouldn’t have gotten so deadly. The more unsuccessful my ex-wife was at harming me, the more determined she became, and it got to a point where she was arrested several times receiving only light punishment.
Over the 10 years of our marriage, the attacks became more violent, and without being held accountable for some of her crimes and hardly punished for others, one day without warning she walked through the front door and actually tried to shoot me. It was unbelievable hearing that her punishment was more probation. I was always having to defend myself for the justice system, but I knew then I couldn’t rely on them from protection. Eventually we divorced, but after the divorce her abuse continued.
After a few more unsuccessful false accusations that I had attempted to harm her I found myself again facing a dangerous situation. The final attack was with a knife. But this time I had a witness—I had recorded the attack. She took off before authorities arrived but having recorded the crime a deputy who watched the video of me being attacked put a warrant out for what would have been attempted murder.
I still don’t know how I managed it, but I got control of the her and the knife almost instantly. It was during this attacked that the strain of struggling with her caused me to tear a muscle on my side. I couldn’t help to still care for her and I didn’t want her to be injured. With every muscle tensed, full of adrenaline, as soon as I wrestled the knife away from her and I relaxed the tension, I felt the worst pain of my life I literally ripped myself open inside holding back the aggression.
It's not widely accepted that men are abused by women and I admit the physical abuse throughout the years was more degrading than harmful, and too embarrassing to mention to anyone. It’s hard getting anyone to understand, you’re supposed to be a man, but you look weak if a woman beats on you, at the same time knowing that one hit in return to her would stop the abuse, but caring too much to do so , also knowing the consequences, morally and legally. I can only imagine how many innocent people couldn’t overcome being labeled as the abusive partner by someone who learned how to use manipulation as a weapon. In my case, authorities turned a blind eye that essentially helped her in her murder attempt. My ex-wife was sent to prison for the last attack, and she was given two years for aggravated assault and stalking. Only two years for a third murder attempt!
While I was let down by the justice system I was also just as let down by our health care system. I needed surgery for the injury that happened during the last attack. But because I fall through the health care “cracks” as a man who doesn’t have dependent children, I could only receive health insurance coverage for the surgery if the situation became an emergency or life or death. However, the tearing of the muscles (which caused a hernia) causes me to have severe pain—almost on a daily basis.
I’ve spent the last six months contacting every agency, local, state and national to help me to pay for my surgery.
Again, the problem is that because my medical issue isn’t immediately life threatening the existing methods to pay for the surgery do not apply as it is wrongly believed that if something isn’t life threatening then a person can save the money to pay for it. However, this logic is flawed when the pain is so unbearable that a person cannot work enough to save the necessary money for surgery.
I am not a man that would ask for anything unless it was of the direst need and of the last resort. I am at that point now. I have no other options. Please - my future, my home, my life depends on being able to work and I can't work with this injury. Every dollar toward the surgery will get me that much closer to being through this pain and back to work again.