Reaching Back

I was asked the other day why I haven’t written anything in a while and there are a few different reasons, but I had some time this past weekend so decided to talk about something that has come up in conversation with a few friends and industry peers about how lack of confidence affects us and why helping others helps overcome those fears and also drives our own success.??

Someone once told me during one of my low points in life, "You are your greatest advocate and no one else will look out for you like you can". That did stick with me, and it almost became a weakness because I felt I had to do everything on my own and asking for help would disclose my insufficiencies. As a result, I had to fake a little confidence until I came out on the other side.??Even after all the work I have done, and now with a successful career, I can more easily rattle off the things in life and business that I have failed at verses my success stories.??

My first cold call that went bad, bad…the person on the other line told me to breathe so he could get a word in. I still get anxiety thinking about it.?

My first networking event, I knew no one, interrupted a conversation, didn’t really meet anyone that I connected with, and I had forgot my phone in the car and couldn’t remember the person’s name I needed to meet.??I still go to events without a plan and forget names.?

My first outside sales call in Baltimore, I went to the wrong building and then lost my car in a garage. Missed my meeting and it never got rescheduled. Still a real reoccurring nightmare trying to find my car.

But what I realized is that as I talk to others about confidence, I often tell these stories that turned into learning moments and if I can help others avoid these mistakes or just help them not repeat them, it helps me get better at these same things.??Whatever you are afraid of I have probably done it and failed at it myself, and that person that you look up to in the industry as the expert or invincible isn’t as perfect as you think they are.?I was also reminded recently of how talking about your entire journey and not just the highlight real adds a level of genuine to your conversations and to your relationships. I've equally made the mistake of avoiding talking about the things I struggle with because I struggle with being vulnerable. That is one of the reasons I took to writing, it was my valiant effort of being more vulnerable with the world. I still struggle with it, no matter how easy I make this appear it's tough.

Someone also asked me a few months ago how I am so confident to work a crowd at a networking event. Immediately, I was a little girl again, I was surprised that they were talking about me because I remembered that feeling I once had of fear of talking to anyone new...I hated being called on in class...I just wanted to fade into the background. What I realized when I drove home that night, I was reminded of how easy moments of failure are still so easy to remember. Successes on the other hand are more difficult to not just remember but to verbalize. I avoid buzzwords but yes I am talking about Imposter Syndrome, and yes, I still battle imposter syndrome every day and my recipe for success wasn’t organized at all (much like my cooking - I am notorious for throwing stuff in as I go along). But as I look back my recipe overtime was mainly a mix of strength of will, self-discipline, and the ability to persist despite challenges. BUT even after all that work I did, the one common thing that truly helped push me over the edge with each challenge I faced in life, there were people along the way that reached back to help me.?

It takes two seconds to make someone’s day better, and potentially help them get through a failure they are stuck in and turn it into a learning moment. Start by being aware of others who might be seeking out some help and make room for them at the table. I do this often, and even my competition. We are all humans, we all fail, some of us hide it better than others. I have a VERY eclectic group of aquaintences because of this. Even though it’s okay to keep your personal tribe small, I do choose to keep mine small because I have to be careful about boundaries and keeping my cup full. But I do try to practice kindness in everyone I meet. Life is too short to overlook those that are still going through what you overcame already in life. Helping others may not feel very impowering for you but I challenge you to change that. You may also wonder what you have to offer others, but you’d be surprised at how many people would love to have just a few moments of your time. And the great thing is as you help others, you will continue to sharpen the things you feel you are already good at. Hopefully, like it does for me, it will also help you realize the things you take for granted.??For every step forward, reach back - for me that's when life really becomes meaningful.