Reach Out, Even If They Don't

In these strange times, it seems increasingly difficult to maintain strong human relationships.?

Despite all of the powerful communication tools at our disposal, friends come and go. People disappear. Strong bonds have been put to the test, by an endless pandemic and a world that has turned upside down.?

Many of us, suffering mental health issues, choose to put the focus on ourselves, causing our contact with others to diminish. Faced with limited emotional capacity, caring about others has become a much lower priority.

Yet - ensuring we have at least one or two good friends, is vital to a healthy, satisfying life.

I have always believed that in any relationship - whether a friendship, marriage or working arrangement - if 70% of it is what you can call "good", then you have an amazing connection worthy of keeping, for as long as you can.

No relationship will ever be 100%.

There will always be some things about another person, no matter how well you know them – that you will never understand. There will be annoyances, miscommunication, resentment and frustration.

But if, overall – you are learning from the person, you feel they respect you (and you respect them), you have great conversations more often than boring times together, and you genuinely care about each other and support each other – then you have yourself something that is worth fighting for.

As time goes on, it seems harder and harder to preserve the good relationships in our lives.

Today’s fast pace and confusing state of affairs often means that connections we once had and enjoyed can slowly disappear.

All it takes is for one person to forget to call another. Text messages stop. We lose track of each other. And before you know it – that person is out of our lives.

For many years, I had a good friend with whom I had communicated often. Despite our hectic schedules and physical distance from each other, we tried hard to meet in person at least once a month.

As the months and years passed, our meetings became less frequent. For an entire year, we had not spoken. As I was cleaning out my emails, I noticed a few from the last weeks we had corresponded, causing me to reach out to him and see how he was doing.

To my horror, the person who emailed back was not him, but his wife, informing me that he had died.

Often, it is our pride that stops us from reaching out. If someone stops contacting us, then we stop contacting them.

This was the way I operated for years. And I was worse off because of it.

It is so strange that while we wait for others to reach out to us - they are also waiting for us to do the same.

And so it becomes a stalemate, with both sides refusing to make the first move.??

Today, if I value a friendship, I do not wait. I take the initiative to keep the connection alive, even if the other person does not reciprocate. As long as they respond in a friendly, appreciative way, then I know their silence was simply due to the craziness of life. I harbor no ill will. And forgive them for daring to be so busy as to have no time to contact me.

I do this for myself. Not for them. I am human. I need connection. I need "good vibes" and I no longer let silly pride stand in the way.

Not long ago, I decided to reach out to a few former good friends on social media. It doesn't always work out.?

A few people had died. Others seemed very bitter about life. One person who replied to my outreach told me he’s had it rough in the past 20 years. He seemed to resent my communication. I scratched that one off the list.

But I’ve also resurrected a couple of childhood friendships, and to my amazement, these people have become loyal friends of mine today. Some are a lot nicer than I remember. (One of them used to beat me up).

When you consider how cold and mechanical life has become, with technology dominating our existence – real human relationships matter now more than ever.

I hope you'll reach out to people you care about, even if they seem to have forgotten you.

Do it for yourself.