Re-scripting my life story at 50

Welcome to my bi-weekly blog about life, work, and adventure at 40 & 50+, and the lessons learned along the way. (Scroll down to read the blog.)?

If this is your first time reading this blog, welcome. As the former co-founder of a pro-age women’s community, recognized Influencer in Aging by Next Avenue magazine, and Facebook Community Accelerator alum, I launched this blog to share personal insights gathered from my journey through middlescence to encourage us to be a little more empathetic and curious about people of all ages. You never know what someone else is going through unless you care enough to ask. Start asking.

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Dear Middlescent,?

Have you ever come across a quote that strikes the perfect chord? It's almost as if it was written for you to read at this particular moment in your life. I came across a quote that not only struck a chord, it lingered in my head for weeks after reading it.?

C.S. Lewis said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending." ?

Why is it then that many of us live in the present, but dwell in the past? In other words, we let past experiences, thoughts, or ideas linger in our present. And in some cases, they don’t just linger, they influence it, or worse yet, limit it.

What’s even more concerning, is that sometimes, someone else’s thoughts or comments about us carry more weight than our own! Ever had that happen? Someone says a comment about your work performance, looks, or age and it instantly becomes a truth albatross you willingly shoulder from that point forward.

If “they said it,” it must be true.

For example, through my pro-aging work, I’ve had countless conversations with people who are struggling with aging because of past experiences, or inherited beliefs. Some shared they were the butt of an ageist joke, others were laid off or overlooked for promotion because of gendered ageism, and yet others, admit being worried about their future because of their visible signs of aging.

As a result, many opted out of social get-togethers, decided to retire early, stayed in a dead-end job, or beat themselves up on the daily for not being able to out-wit the inevitable reality of being human – wrinkles and greys.

It’s as if these past experiences froze them in time, and dubbed a “tape” that plays on a perpetual loop in their head, even though the exchange happened in the past, in some cases decades ago.

I won’t pretend and say that negative or unpleasant past experiences don’t affect us, they do, but would you believe me if I said, we often exacerbate the effect?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been pretty good about blowing up something to outrageous proportions and then promptly believing it, because it happened, so it's now fact or true. And boy, the stories I can conjure up inside my brain that blame everyone else, and free me from holding myself accountable for my part in this concocted script.

As some of you know, I started a self-prescribed sabbatical last November and since then, I've been questioning everything, including this internal thought pattern. After many ugly cries and reflection, I arrived at two new outlooks I’ve since adopted that have served me well:

1. I am not responsible for how you see me. I’m only responsible for how I show up.
2. Every experience, even negative ones, can be turned into something positive.

These two outlooks have helped me gradually release some of the past baggage I had been schlepping around for years disguised as my truth. Once I began to internalize and apply these two new outlooks, I started to see life, work, and aging through a different, brighter lens.

I saw the potential of building on the past versus living in the past and began to decipher the hidden lessons, opportunities for growth, and reminders every experience, be it good or bad, has to offer.

While I am still a work in progress, I feel lighter today than I have in a very long time. In fact, many say “You look happier,” “You’re glowing.” To that, I answer, “I am,” and you can too.

It’s time to stop looking in the rearview mirror and focus on what the headlights are illuminating for you ahead at 40, 50, 60, and beyond.