Re-imagining ambition

The Essential Self knows the possible paths our life may take and wants to help us choose the best ones.?It knows how to turn imagination into reality and make the life we live fulfilling and creative.?Above all, it knows why we are here and what we yet can do; where we can go and why we need to go there".

Jean Houston

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You might know already now that I am a recovering religious. What a recovering religious person is will be the subject of another post. Among many struggles of a recovering religious is to release toxic images, symbols, words and beliefs. Perhaps this practice is not for recovering religious only. We can all do with releasing any practice, belief system or story that has become sterile or even poisonous. Other times such releasing could be about reclaiming a belief's genuine meaning. Some ideas can be repurposed, positioned and rediscovered. In this piece, I am attempting to re-embody my sense of ambition from which I have been alienated.

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In primary school, ambition was measured by what I proclaimed as my desired career choice. My frame of reference was limited to truck driving, teaching and nursing. I am not saying those jobs are not for ambitious people. I am painting a picture of how my circle of careers influenced my eventual choices. I, however, had ambitions of pursuing a career I rarely saw in my immediate environment. Early in my life, I convinced myself that I would be a monk. That was before secondary school brought expansive ideas. I then learnt of more options I could pursue a career. I toyed with the idea of reading law, engineering and psychology. I did not know much about any of these options, however. I signed up for civil engineering, which I studied for a short while. Then a death happened, literally and figuratively. The details of the deaths are for another day.

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In pursuit of nobler ideals, I followed a path that would emphasise the pursuance of dreams and visions centred away from the self. I accepted that what I desired was selfish. I buried my ambition. To be ambitious would be seen as evil. Selfishness is evil, and if ambition is a selfish pursuit, it must be evil. That was my initiation into my psychological doldrums.

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I required physical, emotional, and spiritual pain to awaken from such sleeping beauty. Pain gets bad press these days when each of us can be preoccupied with comfort and serenity. I believe in messianic pain. By messianic pain, I mean such pain that temporarily turbulences our doldrums. Pain becomes the peace that disturbs us when we are too pleased with ourselves because we did not take enough risk on our sail. I grew miserable; I grew weary.

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Furthermore, I grew envious of other people's apparent success. Do you notice how every line except the one you are in appears to be moving when you are caught in traffic? In commercial circles, that impression is the chooser's regret, also known as the buyer's remorse. Envy can be so uncomfortable that one cannot avoid it. Unattended to envy can lead people to unethical behaviours, such as cheating, impersonation and theft. Envy is a form of death in life. It is to this kind of death Ben Okri[1] wrote:

'When we die in life, it is much easier to watch others dying too; it is much easier to murder the dreams of others, to poison the stream of their lives, to poison their innocence, their love.?When we are dead in life, we do not notice when little miracles die around us before our deadened gaze.'

Such death is what President Obama referred to as the poverty of ambition, focusing one's life solely on making a buck. The poverty of ambition asks too little of oneself. President Obama[2] believes that we realise our true potential when we hitch our wagon to something larger than ourselves. Then we resist the propensity to exterminate others who remind us of our inadequacies. We can be enticed by the glimmer in instant gains, opting for shortcuts to keep up with the Joneses. I have felt most of the internal conflicts involved with stagnation. Of shortcuts, I have never been tempted. I have always believed in ethical work endeavours.

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I am ambitious. To be ambitious is not to pursue personal gain. The truth of the matter is that being ambitious is about following the blueprint of one's life. President Obama[3] exhorted such ambition as "an amazing gift to be able to help people, not just yourself." I have embraced my sense of ambition now. I know that I am not successful, not superficial success modes. Pursuing mastery in my chosen psychotherapy and music therapy field has reignited my ambition. Even when I feel inadequate, I hold the counsel of Max Ehrmann[4] to enjoy my achievements and plans and keep interested in my career; however humble, "it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."

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My humble ambitions as a child have evolved into something more fulfilling now. Along life's path, I think there will be many turns. When that moment of knowing comes, we discover our vocation in life; we will not seek perfection. Instead, we will be devoted to mastery. Mastery in service is probably the true ambition. It is deciding to take the calling of sweeping the street seriously as Martin Luther King Junior[5] implored the youth of Barratt Junior High School, Philadelphia on 26 Oct. 1967: ?

If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, sweep streets like Beethoven composed music, sweep streets like Leontyne Price sings before the Metropolitan Opera. Sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well. If you cannot be a pine at the top of the hill, be a shrub in the valley. Be the best little shrub on the side of the hill. Be a bush if you cannot be a tree. If you cannot be a highway, just be a trail. If you cannot be a sun, be a star. For it is not by size that you win or fail. Be the best of whatever you are.

The world has room for more ambitious people. What if we who have learnt a thing or two about navigating the maze of life can revive ambition in the youth? Let the young have their dreams and the old live their visions. Even if mine is a calling to be a little shrub, I will be it.

[1] Okri, B. (2014).?A way of being free. Head of Zeus.

[2] Barack Obama, Knox College Commencement Address 2005

[3] https://time.com/5341180/barack-obama-south-africa-speech-transcript/

[4] https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html

[5] King, Martin L. "Speech." Barratt Junior High School, 26 Oct. 1967, Philadelphia, www.drmartinlutherkingjr.com/whatisyourlifesblueprint.htm.