RE: Cold e-mailer, you got my attention. Now what?

This is the cautionary true story of two cold e-mailers with fictitious names. Now, I respect folks who have dedicated their careers to the evolving art and science of sales, so I'm not going to call anyone out. They were both gentlemen. So now that we've eliminated about half the workforce, hopefully that doesn't give away their identities, whilst allowing me to add clever names.

1. Meet Mr. Ezman

I already had my e-mails on-screen when the subject line caught my attention:

"ATTN: RE: meeting this week"

I didn't recognize a Mr. Sal Ezman and the preview allowed me to get the gist of the message: In case it wasn't me, Sal was hoping I would opt-in my colleagues who handled X to receive a similar cold e-mail. Nah. Chuck it in the fuck-it bucket.

By "cold emailing," I'm referring to sending an unsolicited introductory sales email. Like the name implies, this is the digital equivalent of cold calling. Also, notice how similar that is to the definition of SPAM. I guess the workaround is: these emails aren't sent in bulk - or at least, have been given the appearance of having been personally sent.

Note: Not a dramatic reading of the cold email in question

But my brain held on to that subject line and I felt the slightest flash of anger. No, the cursed bucket was too good a fate for Mr. Ezman. I sent it to SPAM instead.

3. Meet Mr. Wurking

I was in the middle of something when the new e-mail subject popped into the corner of the screen:

"Our Company + Jabil (intro from Jon)"

I knew what it was, why I was being cold e-mailed, but didn't really feel like getting into it yet. So I left it unread. Oh, and in case you hadn't guessed, "Jon" is a less-clever, but equally fictitious name. Is "Ricky" my real name? Only time will tell.

Later and after I had gone through most of the other, hotter e-mails that had come in since then, I came back to the cold e-mail from Mr. Ned Wurking. 

2. You have my attention

Even after the small satisfaction of sending Sal Ezman's sleaze-mail to SPAM, I still wasn't able to let it go. Technically, his subject wasn't outright false. He could say he wanted my attention regarding the possibility of meeting that week.

(Alright, technically-technically, the use of "RE" in e-mail is expected to mean "reply" or "response," not "regarding."  You know, you should relax a little. I'm glad we've had this talk.)

Let's face it: as a tactic, the approach is clever. Prospects' inboxes are full of noise - and not just the other cold e-mails they'd rather just chuck. I imagine folks are more likely to pay attention to e-mails which are part of their ongoing conversations - from their customers, co-workers and boss. These e-mails begin: "RE" or "ATTN" or even "FW," although that last one has a higher likelihood of being something you wish they hadn't.

So, yeah. At a glance, I must've thought this e-mail was a reply to an earlier e-mail. It worked. The next step in the process was "$$$", right?

The problem was, I knew why it worked. And it reminded me of something else...

It's not your bank, but you'll open it just to be safe.

The only reason Sal was spared the SPAM treatment was: I was curious to know if this tactic had been tested, formalized and promoted by his employers. So I RE'd to his ATTN RE and the contents of the ensuing conversation are mostly rehashed in this very article.

4. Back to Wurking

I've been talking a lot about my experience around Sal's e-mail, so you might be wondering: "What happened to Ned?" Glad you asked, Abraham Lincoln. That's a reference to fictitious quotes. 

Ned was also clever in his approach. And I'm not just talking about referencing my co-worker in the subject line. He also named names in the message. But what stood out is that Ned had creeped on my LinkedIn profile before his e-mail and cleverly referenced some cleverly written - at least in my own, self-congratulatory opinion - items in my profile. And just in case I was the type to get creeped out by his creepiness, he pointed out the fact that he had been creeping on me.

So I RE'd to Ned's cold e-mail.

5. Now what?

So there you have it. Two different experiences I've had involving what appears to be the new normal of cold e-mailing. Mr. Sal Ezman may have cleverly gotten my attention, but in my case, at the cost of nevergonnadobusinesswithyou-lian US dollars.

In contrast, we have Mr. Ned Wurking's more transparent, longer-view approach. His subject line, while effective in my and my co-worker "Jon's" case, might not be as effective in getting the attention of my other peers, statistically speaking. But now that he has my attention, he doesn't need to do reputation damage control. He can get right to the harder work of sales relationship building.

Turns out Sal's approach was his own idea. And despite touting how successful he is as a salesman and human being, he did express genuine gratitude for the unsolicited feedback. He's a clever guy in a difficult role, so I wish him the best.

Ned's got a follow-up call scheduled with me in the near future. What's next depends on a discussion of our needs and how he can help. I love happy endings.

What do you think? Have you had similar experiences? What do you think about the current state of cold emailing? Let's talk, but spare us the SPAM.

Oh, and let's attribute some images:

1. Fancy Dr. Grant photograph was part of "The Birthday Portfolio" special section for Empire Magazine's 20th Anniversary.
2. Junk mail envelope image titled "Important Envelopes 14" by Windell Oskay via Flickr, provided unchanged under CC License 2.0. Some rights reserved. You should also check out Windell's related article "Envelopes That Claim to be Important" for other fine examples.
3. Manliest handshake ever image derived from 20th Century Fox's 1987 film Predator. Like you didn't already know that...