Re: CAP 2023

The Year That Was 12 Lessons from the 12 Months

2023 has been a great personal and uphill battle but one I am truly thankful for.

January

Right off the heels of wishing everyone a happy new year and the pandemic finally waning off a bit was a personal but fairly straightforward jolt, my mother got a pacemaker. The lesson was simple, the construct of time and how much time you have with people is finite, this lesson was a refresher on what I had already learnt some years ago. Considering, my mother is the only living parent I have left it felt important to dedicate a sizeable portion of my time in January and the future just rebuilding my relationship with her, learning some heirloom recipes like how a good sambar must be made or how many chillis go into making the version of Podi I am used to as a child, seeing her perform, tell stories and just interact with society in general. Quoting from a post my sister Mandakini Menon wrote on Instagram titled "Do Not Rely On Memory Alone" this is merely an excerpt

Do not rely on memory alone to build a picture of your parents. It will fail you. Record their voice. Bored, Angry, Sad or Just Content. The timbre is essential. A laugh is a bonus

The lesson here was simple no matter where you find yourself in life, in what meeting or call, whether it is your CEO or your boss, if anyone from your family calls, pick up the phone. Neither your boss nor your organisation care, no matter how much they tell you "This is a family" it's not.

February

The lessons from January were fresh when on 19th February I lost a friend to a car accident, two other friends ( Arjun Lal and Shashikant) who were with him that night were injured too. On the flight over, I was numb. As I reached the hospital to meet the folks and my friends I was shaking inundated with emotion. A brave face is so overrated I thought to myself. Vikas' funeral was that evening, and as one of the only two standing and surviving members of the small group of friends I have, we attended. The feeling of what was to be is indescribable. That night before I finally went to sleep, I could not help but think about the person Vikas was and still is. Fondly remembered by the people he worked with, loved by his friends, the catalyst of many many long parties and someone whose depth as a human being we had just begun exploring.

The lesson February taught me was, to be honest and never wait for the right moment to say anything to the people you care for. It is also applicable in the professional space, be candid with feedback, and do not beat around the bush. It benefits no one. As a leader, always be someone people can confide in, find confidence with and look up to, the job is to leave people better than you found them, like Vikas did.

In the picture Radhika Ranawat Arjun Lal Vikas Palan and Shashikanth

March

March is a crazy month, I turn a year older, and my marriage turns a year older too. It also happens to be a time for self-reflection. This year happened to be a little more than usual because of all the weight of grief I was carrying around. It felt important to acknowledge my friends, acknowledge any growth I had as a person and while doing an audit of myself no matter how honest be a little biased to the positives because of the negatives the world feeds you daily.

The run of the year taking people I was close to continued, On March 6th we put to rest Leela, the dog that saved us from ourselves. I remember the day I brought her home, she was older than a dog you would usually adopt but 15 years later she was still someone we loved and continue to love very much.

There are two lessons in March one was that I should be kinder to myself because the world will not be, a lesson I am relearning as I write this, and two, a lesson Leela taught me was to give people a chance, they can surprise you. She was always kinder to people than we could be, she saw past the bullshit and just connected with everyone, a lesson I am yet to master but remember nonetheless.

Photo courtesy Disha Bhatia

April

There are no stories from April that come to mind, but the month did teach me something. It was a lesson in training my emotional intelligence. When faced with difficult choices, and difficult conversations we must rely on EI rather than IQ to deal with the situation. My belief that organisations are living organisms has only grown stronger and by virtue need love and care to effectively function.

The lesson in April is we should spend time developing empathy, the ability to be self-aware and conscious, and create meaningful bonds across our professional and personal spectrum.

May

The biggest lesson in May after we finished our flagship event was the lesson in adaptability, not to lose sight of the goal and not to succumb to public opinion.

Faiz's poem Hum Dekhenge comes to mind, not as a poem of protest but of strength to self, that better days are there ahead. Keep going.

Hum Dekhenge

Laazim hai ki hum bhi dekhenge

Woh din jiskaa ke waada hai,Jo lau-e-azl mein likha hai

June

I was having a conversation the other day with Abhinav Shankar , someone I have known since childhood. A father to a beautiful daughter now, his perspective on what children must learn as a fundamental practice in today's day and age has only become a lot stronger. In the conversation I asked him for some feedback on my last article/post in this newsletter, he mentioned to me he liked it but I missed out on mentioning something critical, that was how a sport makes you a humble winner but a great loser. Funny I know but the point is very poignant. June taught me to be a great loser and I think the fact that all the basketball I played in school and for the state, The cricket we played as children, and our ability to reverse swing a tennis ball also came into the conversation, and more recently my tryst as a CrossFit athlete where a lot of my adult friendships were forged in the crucible of a million burpees and man makers. June, was one such month where nothing went my way and it was okay because I am a great loser.

In the picture Abhinav Shankar

July

July is a great time to introspect. 6 months have passed and as you usher in the second half of the year, the 7th month is a reminder that introspection will do you some good as an half yearly audit of where you are at mentally, emotionally, professionally, personally and if you are into taking care of yourself physically. The audit is challenging, and that itself is the lesson I learned in July. It is important to acknowledge your failures and successes, and just be honest to yourself on what you lack and what you can already do no matter what the world makes you believe.

August

Be your own 3rd person. I think this was a great lesson to have learned this year. I became an observer of myself while navigating a relationship across both personal and professional spaces it was important to view myself going through that, this enabled me to be mindful a whole lot more, conversations were not impulsive as often, and I could keep my ego and my emotions in check. To have an out-of-body experience and be your own observer means you can negotiate with each feeling a lot better and create value out of every interaction.

In the picture Arjun Lal

September

September is the month of a borrowed lesson, from James Clear . The one of creating Identity-based Habits. Becoming 1% better at something comes from the belief you can and as James Clear puts it your current behaviour is a reflection of your current identity, to build lasting habits you need to change your identity.

October

Another borrowed lesson which is probably genius if you apply it professionally comes from Humble The Poet which is fitting in is a pointless business. October was a good reminder to this as well and being a marketer this is probably golden advice to imbibe because the more you try and "fit in" the more difficult it will be to differentiate and create value and as a professional paddling against the flow has always shown me far greater results than anything else.

November

The lesson in November is not as much a lesson as it is a trait, but something I always find myself coming back to as a means to allow myself to truly connect with myself. I enjoy being alone, whether it is a movie, a meal alone, or just being by myself alone at home, it is this ability to disconnect with the world that allows me to connect with myself. The lesson here was simple, to continue doing more of that and just build a better version of myself and remind myself to build a better identity as learnt in the lesson in September.

December

By the time anyone reads this, it will still be December so the lesson here is to keep revisiting the year and learn continuously. Be an eternal student of life. No two days will ever be the same, your friends and family too will behave differently on different days, it would be wise to remember the great philosopher Bruce Lee and his saying "Be Like Water" the more fluid we are, the more adaptable we are and being a student if you are rigid, if you are not allowing yourself to turn to a fine powder now and then, surviving the day to day can become tough. The best lessons in life are the ones you do not expect, the ones hiding in plain sight, in grief and struggle.

In the picture: Arjun Lal Aniruddha Shrivastava and I

In closing, the year has been fantastic it has not been without its flaws but I am hopefully better for it, I miss Vikas and Leela, but their presence is in my actions, in my ability to be there for people and collaborate with them to create better versions of themselves. Each time you fail, just fail forward, learn the lessons and build on that to create a better more solid foundation and remember that everyone fails and struggles. On a bad day, be kinder to yourself and kinder to everyone else around you. On a great day be compassionate.

Go forth and conquer.