Session 2: The Raw & Unedited Me. No more apologies!

Session 2: The Raw & Unedited Me. No More Apologies.

As I sit down in a beautiful cafe in Knightsbridge called EL & N on Wednesday morning, Dr Rakish was waiting there early as usual but things were different this time, I was there on time as well. All week I had been implementing the tasks that Dr.Rakish had given me to think about and one of those was, actually making time for self investment and not overworking my schedule.

So the morning had been quite relaxed, considering I had one our most loyal customers jetting in from New York that day, hoping he could get the last Black VAYYU Provenance range t-shirt before they sold out. He managed to do this and I hand delivered the parcel to him a few hours later but back to the story. We greeted in the usual manner and began talking, he asked me how the previous weeks had been, I replied to him honestly and said, "The two tasks I had been working on intensively." the first was changing the language I use with people and myself. All week I had stopped using the word 'busy' when I was pre occupied and also I thanked people for their patience instead of using the word 'sorry.'

The second task was to take time out for myself, no more 70 hour weeks, would try to work a 50 hour week and balance my time instead. The first week after the session was like paradise, I spent time doing the things I loved in the evening, like reading, playing the piano and walking. It was fantastic, my energy was back up, I was being social and enjoying life.

The second week on the other hand, I reverted back to the 70 week if not more and completely exhausted myself. So reviewing it all, I told Dr.Rakish that I failed.

He said to me, there is no failure, only success and that actually I had achieved 1 full week of balance and changed the language I was using. I understood at this point that once again, the unrealistic standards that I set for myself is what makes me thrive but is also my downfall if left unchecked.

I had succeeded, he was right and I should feel happy about that, so yes this put a spring in my step for the whole entire day.

He then said to me "So what's next?." I thought to myself, what a strange question, should you not be trying implement your teachings? or textbook kind of theories on me?

At this point he said to me, "You already know what is holding you back, you're a highly intelligent individual, so let's get on with it." He could actually see right through me, the reason I didn't want to speak further, was that now the sessions are becoming more personal to me, it's simmering up issues from distant past, experiences and traumatic times long forgotten. I knew he had only scratched the surface and I was hesitant to potentially tell him what I believed was holding me back, never the less, I carried on, knowing that only honestly would suffice.

I started with the subject of confidence, he said that I was one of the most charismatic leaders he had ever met, that my energy can light up a room and that people are drawn to me instantly.

Is this really what other people see in me? Is this really how I come across? I questioned.

This Chris that Dr.Rakish see's in not the same person I see in the mirror, how could this be? He said "Your issue is with confidence within yourself and accepting who you really are."

He suggested to me, that this week, I should ask people what their true thoughts of me were and to ask unbiased individuals to write a a paragraph about how they see me.

So I did. I was shocked, I honestly was humbled and intrigued by so many kind responses, using words such as "Charismatic, caring, inspiring and a true visionary." to describe me.

Me? Chris Desai? I would leave words such as these for great leaders in history and people changing the world, like Ghandi, Martin Luther King and to such an extent Greta Thunberg.

I realised that I have so many faults, so many flaws but at the same time, I am this lovely, inspiring visionary? people can still view me in this light?

Maybe the view of myself wasn't correct that I had developed over the years?

Am I worthy of such praise?

How could I be so mistaken about who I think I am?

From this session I truly did realise that the image I have about myself and who I actually am, are two different people completely. It has brought me to appreciate and start to accept who I actually am. Not that I am perfect in anyway but that I am combination of light and dark and that light drowns out the dark.

Self realisation is so important and in these coming weeks, I will working on accepting 'The Raw & Unedited me. No more apologies.

Thank you.

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