The Raw Power of Asking Good Questions

A very good friend of mine once told me, the most important thing you can do as a leader, is to ask good questions.

Curtis Sim is the CEO of WesternHVAC, a family of companies that provides services for everything HVAC. I mean everything. This company has many arms of their business, they do engineering to installation, purchasing to fabrication. They can do custom manufacturing, and they take projects straight through to installation, across many commercial and industrial applications. I've admired how he's growing their business, and whenever I can, I try to learn a little something from him. 

I asked him one day, how on earth they're able to provide such varied services in such a broad industry. The answer was relatively straightforward. 

He said that asking good questions will enable people to give you the answers you seek, that asking good questions is the key to being able to manage a business, to solve problems of any kind, and to help people work together as a team. 

As a leader, you can't know everything and you can't be everywhere at once. Whether you're leading a business, a household or both, you can never be expected to read minds. The only way is to ask. 

It takes more than sheer interrogation to accomplish this. Questions, if not phrased well can put people off. They can make people feel defensive, or like you don't trust them, if you don't master the art of asking good questions. If you ask the right questions in the right way, you can not only gain answers to your unknowns, but you can build trust in the process.

A simple example is the classic, "Where were you?" Simple question, but it comes with an unmistakable tone of irritation. There are many ways to ask that question. "I'm worried about you, are you ok? Did something happen along the way?" that still implies that you recognized that someone was late, but shows clear concern and asks an explanation. Very different responses, but you're essentially asking the same thing both ways. There are an infinite variety of ways to ask this question, the goal isn't to pick the words, its to create the right feeling in the person you're asking, with those words. 

 When you're looking to strengthen your family ties, you need to understand each other deeply. Most families are very familiar with each other and their history, and that history can be checkered with difficult times and misunderstandings as everyone navigates their lives. But, just because you live in the same household, doesn't mean you truly understand each other. 

Can you look at each of the members of your immediate family and name in an instant the ONE thing that's most important to them? Do they know what's the single most important thing to you? 

When I think of the exercise of trying to connect with and understand others, I think of my first leadership role. I was very young, at the time, 23, and with that being a boom time in the early 2000's in oil and gas, my boss was in need of someone who could lead our team of IT admins on our project. We were in a remote building, separated from the main office, and she needed someone in the group that could represent her in the leadership meetings. Since IT and engineering people are known for their extraverted nature, you can see how someone as inexperienced as myself got the job. 

Problem was, I was leading men and women twice my age and with far more experience. That, was not an easy road to navigate. I couldn't dictate without reprisal, my attempts to direct and delegate were rebuffed. While most of the professionals on my team were extremely specialised in their areas, and it was hard to talk on their level about their specific work, I was responsible for how our team served our users, and ensuring our engineering group had the tools they needed to deliver their work. It was a very tough spot to be in. 

The answer, was questions.

The first to truly master this art was Socrates. 

Socrates was famous for his dialogues, among his other incredible works. He would have entire conversations with his students, most notably Plato, with question after question. He asked the questions, but they would be the ones learning, as they answered his questions.

He drew ideas out of them with his questions, he would guide and lead gently, or provoke with precision, with just the right, carefully crafted question.

So I attempted the same. Whether or not I knew what needed to be done, I asked how they would solve this challenge, and how they would contribute to the resolution. They'd answer, and then go to it. I would ask how much time they needed, I would ask what they think the challenges and risks would be, I would ask what they needed to get the work done. I'd ask them if they would let me know if they had problems, and ask them to document their steps so we could learn from the work they accomplish. 

Everything became a question. Ideas, directions, information, suggestions, everything I wanted to say, rephrased as a question, and it worked. 

Questions require a degree of humility, and that can be a challenge when you're leading at work, but at home too. 

When you ask your child how they're feeling, you have to be humble enough to listen to their answer. You might get a nothing answer like "fine" or you might get more than you bargained for. Either way, asking shows caring. Asking means not assuming, Asking means seeking to understand. 

The key to being closer with those around you, is to ask good questions, and I've watched the people I respect most craft questions that approach works of art. Like anything, asking good questions can be honed into an art-form.

Think about interviewers. All they do is ask questions. Some of the most successful shows on TV, morning news to daytime television to late night shows alike, involve a host or group that asks questions of their guests. They create conversations and banter, carefully controlled tension and insightful ideas brought to the table for public entertainment, all beginning with questions.

It can be hard to ask big questions of your family and friends. You might feel awkward or out of place asking things like "what's your life philosophy?" at the dinner table, when most of the time, we all barely mumble out the activities of the day while we chew our food quickly and get back to whatever it is we were doing. 

So, to try and break the ice and take away some of that sense of awkwardness, I turned those questions into a fun, easy to play card game, called Big Questions, Little Questions. When you have the convenient pretense of a card game, you're no longer the one asking the questions, the cards are. 

This game is extremely flexible, you can ask people to answer their own question only, and pass the deck along, or you can have each question go around the table, there's a version of competitive game play (that we say is like Cards FOR Humanity) or you can separate the deck to use only the Little Questions, or only the BIG Questions. It all depends on the group you're playing with. 

 Try these two questions at your dinner table sometime, and if you're looking for more, our first limited edition deck is out! There are 48 questions and 4 instructions cards. It's a game that you can play many different ways, and will last you many sessions of play. Just a couple of questions at a time, you'll learn more about the people you've known for years than you could have imagined. 

There will be many expansion packs to come too. Buying this limited edition will give you an exclusive discount on the next deck too. Get yours before this print is sold out!