RANDO-MINGLER! How to stop networking numbskulls from stealing your time

We’ve all been there— stuck in an awkward coffee chat wondering if we’re being used for lunch deductions, or to discover ourselves in someone’s LinkedIn post on a quick selfie they took with you in the background before you had an opportunity to say, “check please!”

In this article, we’ll break down the art of dodging these time-stealing conversations and show you how to spot the difference between a genuine connection and a selfie-seeker. Because let's face it, your time is too valuable for small talk with big talkers!

My rando-mingle story

This all started when I attended a local business event featuring one of my favorite topics, generative AI. It was a stellar event — quality venue, free appetizers and drinks, and an smart quartet of panelists. Afterwards, I struck up a pleasant conversion with one of them, let's call him "Ralph” (not his real name.) We talked for five minutes about AI and us both having ADHD, and he enthusiastically offered to get together again soon.

I thought, great –?this should be a rewarding time!

After connecting on LinkedIn, he asked if I would meet him at his office.

While the drive wasn’t the most feasible for me to make during work hours, I also noticed from his LinkedIn feed it was where he liked to take selfies with other people he mingled with and share in his posts. (Like, many of them.)

Perhaps I was jumping to conclusions? I suggested we meet at an in-between location, which he was agreeable with.

Yet, I still felt something was off.

To test Ralph’s interest, I asked if he’d like to read a recent post I shared. His reply? ‘Cool, I’ll check it out.’ Three days passed, and you guessed it—crickets. That’s when the ‘rando-mingler’ warning bells really started ringing.

That’s when I heard from Ralph again, asking when and where we were going to meet. ?I gave him a time and place, and inquiring for the third time if he would be willing to share his promised feedback on my article. ?Finally, he did, although not the response I was expecting…

Yeah, of course, dude. The images were a bunch for me because I think models are weak sauce, especially regarding text. Midjourney or even Ideogram could be products to give a go. On the other hand, the topic you hit has been trending. I'm sure it's somewhere in their terms that they can do it, but it's an ethical question to me.

"Weak sauce?" Geez— rather dismissive for someone who said he wanted to, in his own words, “get to know me better.” Did he think he was doing me a favor here, like I was asking him to be my mentor?

I thought I’d try one more time and maybe get some clarity.

“Ralph, so there’s no confusion on my part, what exactly would you like to talk about if we do wish to meet up?” I asked.

“Nope,” replied Ralph. “I just wanna get to know you better!"

Get to know me better… isn’t that what I’ve been trying to do? Isn’t that why we have LinkedIn profiles, so you can check out their bio, their featured posts? Like, he even had our shared ADHD to talk about (but I guess in true ADHD fashion, he forgot about that as well?) Like, “dude,” really?

What I first suspected was now clear to me.

I look again at his timeline of LinkedIn posts; sure enough, most of them were a sea of selfies with other "randos." Did he really get to know all of them, or was it a hustle to make himself look popular?

It was like he was playing his own ‘Squid Game’ of "Look how busy and connected I am..." with an inner circle of contestants, where the posts featuring us randos were the prizes (or the bragging rights) while probably plotting out his next expense write-off.

I mean, who wouldn’t want to use some shallow mingling to get a lunch or some drinks on the company’s dime?

Is LinkedIn rewarding the Rando-Minglers?

According to this LinkedIn Marketer, some of the highest performing content on LinkedIn right now is a picture post with a compelling story, which also includes featuring and tagging your connections in those posts as well.

“Some of the highest performing content on LinkedIn right now is a Picture Post with a Compelling Story. And if you want to drive real business results and revenue from it, your story should have something to do with your business... I had one picture post with a customer success story of me and him in the picture... if you're going to do pictures of yourself, personal journey stories work best... but again, you gotta find a way to tie it back into your overall content strategy and your business goals. Otherwise, you're just trying to get attention to get attention.”

Was Ralph following a shrewd LinkedIn content strategy for his business? Maybe. He could also be someone who wanted an excuse to leave the office and get a business expense perk out of it, adding another random name to his "networking" collection. Regardless, I found the whole experience tacky and self-absorbed. It seemed like he was playing the ultimate game of "Look at how busy and connected I am!" with a sea of unsuspecting randos, right?

How to avoid rando-mingling and make your networking more rewarding

Fear not, my LinkedIn-mates! Here are some tips to determine if someone is a real connection opportunity, or rando-mingler, with a little communication game of your own:

Set boundaries early: Don’t feel obligated to go on vague messages. A simple, “Thanks for reaching out! What specifically would you like to discuss?” works wonders.

Have a clear purpose: ?Politely ask them to clarify their goals for the meetup. Instead of agreeing to a generic chat, suggest a topic or reason that could benefit both parties, especially one from your earlier discussion or event you already have in common. "I’d love to hear your thoughts on X" goes a long way.

Test their interest. Share a resource on something you care about and ask for their opinion. If they engage thoughtfully, you've got a keeper. If not, you've exposed the rando-mingler bare and just dodged an aimless networking bullet.

Engage with their content, too: Show interest in the person by reading their posts and commenting thoughtfully, showing you took the time to read or view all of it and not simply skim it. Don't make it all about you, either; Think about why they bothered to share it with you and find something you can validate their efforts with.

Say NO to vague tags: Un-tag yourself from irrelevant posts. If the rando-mingler continues, message them directly, and politely, to stop.

It’s OK to bail out. If they can’t provide a specific reason, suggest postponing until there’s a clear agenda. Empty compliments don't build real connections, either. The goal here to see if you both truly connect, not to keep finding excuses for why you don’t want to put in the effort. A ‘connection’ is not just access, it’s about a genuine relationship. You can politely exit on friendly terms; if you're meant to re-connect later, it will happen naturally.

Conclusion

Networking should feel like a handshake, not a hustle. Look out for clear intentions, genuine engagement, and mutual respect. Be a Linked-Inmate, not a Linked-Ingrate!

What are your thoughts on this article? Is there anything you can especially relate to, or something you strongly disagree with? Please share your feedback in the comments below, I read all of them!