Raising Virgins in Sodom

In this media saturated generation and overexposed children, our influence in parenting the next Africa's generation must be intentional and tactful. Sex education in school cannot be over relied upon with the comprehensive sexuality education agenda being pushed in this permissive culture. We must take it up at home and become the greatest influence and the loudest voice over our children's sexuality. Let your kids learn the beauty and the risks of sex from you. In this feminist charged environment, let your daughter understand that love, sex and childbearing is God's grand plan for marriages and families to continue. Someone said it well - children are Gods' opinion that the world should go on!

The Sodomites Sodomy

LGBTQ agenda is not a unfamiliar in the Bible. Right in Genesis, Lot is visited by angels and the men from his city wanted to sleep with those cute guys they saw coming into his house. And no, they did not event want his virgin daughters on offer, they were looking for more adventure. They were sodomites pursuing a sodomy experience.

With such a liberal culture in sexual orientation options, it almost seems unrealistic to hope for sexually straight children leave alone virgins, but it is still possible to raise virgins in the twenty first century. Virginity is beyond having the hymen intact or the penis docile, it is in the purity of thoughts, intentions and undefiled sexual blueprint.

Virgins! Paps Are You Serious?

God is prosex. He created sex and intended that people enjoy it to the fullest. He intended that it would be indescribably enjoyable and beautiful within marital context without guilt, shame or insecurities.

Many young have, many are and many more will continue fighting and winning this battle of chastity. With all the junk on media spaces comes multiplied temptations that makes them more vulnerable. Those who brave it up like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are enjoying great liberty and confidence even in the fiery furnace of burning passions in their groins.

You are the best sex teacher ever!

The truth is; no one can teach your child about sex better that the person who has sex to bring them forth!

Don't wait for too long to let the cat out of the bag, the exposure age to sexual consent in this generation is averagely at age seven. It was shocking to see a few years back the youngest mother in the world mentioned at the age of ten! Your child is puberty ready at ten to twelve for girls and twelve to fourteen for boys. Prepare them with basic facts about sex before this age kicks in. Explain what sex is, the appropriate time, right place and ideal person to do it with, as well as its' benefits and consequences. I was so impressed to meet a group of mums a while ago who formed a support group and did the sex talk with their children as a group. Look for creative ways to minimize the awkwardness, but make sure you get it done.

Teach them how their body changes during puberty bringing about menstruation in girls and wet dreams in boys. Share on the importance of self-control and chastity even if it was not your forte let them know they can make better choices and decisions. Explain to them the joys and sorrows of the choices they make on their sexuality.

Don’t allow your shortcomings to diminish your parental authority. Remember Bathsheba? Proverbs 1 - 10 is her counsel as an adulterous wife instructing his son on how to flee from adulterous seductive women and live wisely. She was unapologetic mother in spite of her flaws. We do not parent our children because we are perfect, we parent them because we are faithful and God as entrust them to us in spite of our inadequacies. Don’t allow your children to take advantage of you or manipulate your flops.

Where do I Start?

Start now, start anywhere! One good place is to openly share your good and bad experiences with them, letting them know you are not a super human, let them identify themselves with your authentic self. Let them also learn from your wins and grace you have received despite your mistakes. Teach them life lessons on basics of marriage, sex and pregnancy. I love telling my daughter how her my pregnancy experience with her was. Don’t wait for the awkward TV scenes or the opposite sex friend making advances on them, it might be too late. Sow the seeds when the ground is fertile, receptive, innocent, yielded and responsive. This increases the chances of follow through.

Besides teaching them, be a portrait of what a loving marriage looks like, the Millenials hear more from what is left unsaid and see more from what is not shown. Model more and say less.

Parental Supervision

The most volatile space in sexual orientation is media access. Don’t only parent offline, parent online as well. Spent quality time with your children exploring and learning together. Play games together, watch movies together, be present with them online. Create quality memories together on the media space. Have heart to heart conversations on different observations and experiences. Be a safe space where they don’t feel judged, disapproved or demeaned as they sincere thoughts and opinions. Always remember your fight is not against your child, keep a united front by continuously sharing feedback and be in charge of instilling the right values.

Active Presence

Investing limited or inattentive time to our children makes them feel rejected and unappreciated. Practice active presence and quality time, ask them personalized questions that will encourage sharing their thoughts, feelings, opinions and plans. Its not about the quantity but the quality of time that counts. There are parents who are spending all the waking time with their children and they are totally dysfunctional and I have also seen parents who have less than 10 hours a week of physical presence with their children and it is totally wholesome to their children's development.

Physical Absence or Indifferent Presence?

Kids may not out rightly complain of neglect because they sometimes feel guilty for being angry at their parents absence or indifferent presence. They may also feel unworthy and ashamed that they are not worthy of your attention. This unexpressed void may continue to grow and with time, they will try to fill it with other things and other people and most of the times the end is disastrous - an impulsive, insecure, embittered, entitled, dysfunctional, selfish, individual. Addictive behavior is also rooted here; drugs, gang life, uncensored sex, wild partying and other impulsive acts. Sometimes the addiction can be subtle like workaholic, unhealthy relationships, over spiritualization, avoidance, intellectual quests and other defense mechanisms can come into play.

I cannot overemphasize this - That void in your child's soul cannot be delegated - whether to teachers, nannies, relatives, mentors or peers - no one can be able to love and understand your child as impactfully as you.

Investment ratios

Someone recommended a parenting investment ratio that I love - spent twice the amount of time and half the amount of money on your children and they will be happier.

Never trade your presence with presents. Many busy parents compensate their absence with more toys, more cash and more stuff. Those things are not bad, but make sure they never send the signals that you can have this because I have to be away. Let them know your motive for provision is love, not guilt. Children have amazing instincts and senses. This also gives them a wrong perspective of money ad possessions. We show them that our real value is things more than people and then wonder why they never visit home when they grow up and instead chose to send money.

Exposing them to God

Joshua commanded Israelites in keeping God's commands to teach God's law to their children when they sit, when they walk, lie down, rise up, write it on their foreheads and the door posts. Sounds overwhelming, right? There was a time I was complaining how our daughter was disinterested in Sunday School and we were contemplating to change churches to a more vibrant kids church. Then we joined a Parenting Class and the first thing we learnt was startling - It was our responsibility to lead our children to Christ, not the church. What? Then we took it up and started bible studies every evening with our children leading, the transformation is amazing. And yes we still changed churches but the motive was deeper than the Sunday school.

You know why it is difficult to convert a Muslim or a Jewish child after they turn twelve years? They can recite Koran and Torah by heart at that age. They are deeply rooted, conversant with all the rituals and requirements of their faith. Their parents are serious to make it happen, they enroll them to the spiritual leaders and follow through to see their children grounded.

Where are your Priorities?

A famous fashion model many years back quit her job after becoming a Christian citing that no job was more important than raising their two kids. She said her greatest mandate in life was to influence them in her faith and love for God.

What is the real motive for your work which keeps you away from your family? It is for God or for yourself? There was a season of my life when I woke up very early in the morning and came back very late at night; neglecting my family, chasing my ambitions; inspired by fear of failure, insecurities, anxiety, covetousness and greed for more and more. When my husband mentioned it, I jumped up the ceiling in self-defense and even accused him of envy. The pack of cards crumbled, I gave up the office and now I know better.

Whereas this may not be your path in life, the bottom line is this; there is no greater gift you can ever give your children that leading them to eternal life through intentional influence.

Is the person spending most time with your children influencing them to God? Does your nanny work in a structure and directives that expose your children to God even in your absence? In our home, we make it clear during the orientation that our children only watch TV certain times and certain channels. We also inform the nanny of channels that are banned in our home. Sounds strict, but we are committed to our children and we ask them to report any deviance.

Caregivers can subtly lead our children away from God if we are not vigilant. Then one day our kids are young adults who are shattering our hopes and breaking our hearts and all we keep asking is "where did I go wrong?"

"what did I not give you?"

"why are you doing this to me?"

When you are not an intentional influence to your child, someone else will fill in the post, step in your shoes and you will not be in control of where it all ends.

Since we took the parenting class, we started living by this philosophy as a family - we may not afford many things that our friends and relatives have that we so much desire; but as we continue being intentional parents, we will afford a big smile and a sigh of relief when our generations turn out godly and impact future generations as a result of a firm foundation we intentionally put in place.

Using the Rod

Oh yeah! The Bible encourages us to spank our kids ad they will not die. This was the best advice we received during our first baby shower. We converted one wooden cooking spoon and splashed it with all the verses on spanking and we were set for Crystal. We both used it on her, discipline is a joint initiative or not effective. When only one parent is disciplining, the other one becomes a weak link later in life that children will take advantage of. A family culture of corporate discipline forms a strong united front that secures children and builds honor for both parents.

Discipline should be consistent, prompt and moderate.

Before discipline, expectations should be shared. Let your children know what is acceptacle and what is not. If the ground rules are not set, discipline can be interpreted as rejection or just venting your frustrations on them.

Discipline ought to hurt - difficult goal for mums to accept especially when it is dad spanking - and it is okay if it there is a little tears and sulking for a while. If it doesn't hurt, it's not effective in modifying the child's behavior. When spanking, be in control, be calm and focused. Not everything should be punished by caning, you can complement with the others depending on the severity of the issue. Disciplined is most effective when they children know they are totally loved. When we adopted one of our orphaned nephews who was thirteen years old, we re-launched the caning in our home, got a new rod and read for them Prov 22:15 and we explained that every foolishness in their hearts will be removed by the rod. We also invest more in quality time creating family moments and celebrating each other's achievements. We also share our needs and pray for each other after Bible study.

Self-Worth quest and Identity Crisis

Teens naturally struggle with feelings of uselessness, poor self-esteem, depression, rebellion and passive aggressive anger. This is because at that stage they are self-absorbed with how they look, what people say or think about them, especially their peers. In spite of these underlying vulnerabilities, most of them will put on a tough fa?ade, diva mode or macho man looks until you win their trust and they permit you to scratch the surface and access all the feelings, fears and longings bottled beneath. They need lots of assurance, affirmation, understanding and empathy to win this self-worth battle. These are the few ways you can support them:

Listen. Listen. Listen.

Beyond the words, listen to the tone, the emphasis, the repetition, the body language. Listen to the tears, the pauses, the behaviour, the reactions. Listen to the unspoken and you will hear a lot much more.

Encourage them to serve others and get out of themselves for a while. Self-absorption and self-obsession is the junk that poor self-worth feed on. Expose them to opportunities that charms out their selfless nature, ask for their support and input in tasks, expose them to less fortunate people who need their help. This will build amazing confidence in them.

Teach them to also focus on God's love much more than human love. Help them plug in to His eternal, unconditional and consistent love and acceptance, which is by far more reliable that yours as a parent. Don’t be the standard, let God be their standard. Encourage them to secure their self-worth in Christ who is the source of all good things they are and will ever have.

That’s the only sure way to raise more emotionally grounded children and Virgins in Sodom.

Would you like your child to discover the bigger picture of their lives as they explore their gifts and resourcefulness they can share with the world. That is what i do! Whatsapp me on 0735 428 808 for more details on the upcoming intake.