Raising Kids With Leadership Skills

Kids are mouthy, bossy, and talk back OR are those leadership skills? Alot of it depends on how we receive these behaviors and what we do, to position those "skills" into opportunities, as they are growing up, that will lead to LEADING their life, along the way.

How do we encourage and honor those skills our kids display or behaviors shown that may be "labeled" by others at a young age that may very well be, the very skills and behaviors that they need and utilize in lifes seasons?

Here's four things that we can do as parents, guardians, grandparents, and encouragers to turn those labels into actions that lead them well for upcoming leadership of their own life!

1. Stop the labels that are negative when behaviors are shown at a young age. This sounds easy but the fact is, we have all grown up with them, we have all had them put on us and we all have used them on others. We have to be conscious of those labels that we are using and literally STOP and practice replacing with words that encourage the basis of what the child is tying to do while still teaching them appropriate responses. For example, when boys start to cry over something, they are often told, "stop being a baby", "aren't you a big boy?"- STOP. Wrong message, crying and showing emotion for boys is needed as they will grow up to be men who can show their emotions and not feel that they can't or feel "less than" because of being emotional. Try asking the boy/young man about what they are upset about, tell them it's ok to cry and when they are done crying, that you can talk to them about what made them upset. Give them space, give them choices and allow them to know it's ok to process their emotions and come back to talk about it. LEADERSHIP SKILLS: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, EMOTIONAL LITERACY, SELF AWARENESS
2. At a certain age, adolescent into teenage, it's important to teach kids how to hold conversations, follow up with questions, and share concerns they have with appropriate places and people. For example, when our daughters were in their elementary years, we handled conversations needed with teachers and parents. However, the kids started going to their parent/teacher conferences and we would have them there to avoid any "he say she say" and also asked them to have questions ready for follow up with their teachers during that time. This helped them learn to talk to authority figures, be ok to ask questions to them and us support them in that communication. As they became middle school age, we would allow some situations that arrived to be handled by them, addressing with their teachers and then ask them to follow up with us at dinner about how it went. Then we would follow up with the teacher about how they felt it went and that we are encouraging them to hold conversations with them, with our support, and we will get involved if we feel necessary. This empowered our girls and supported them in conversations with adults and authority figures. LEADERSHIP SKILL: YOUR VOICE MATTERS, STRATEGIC THINKING, COMMAND PRESENCE
3. Stop making all the phone calls for them and having the follow up conversations with teachers and adults for them. In our kids teenage years, we started having them call to set up their own eye dr appts, dentist appts, make reservations for dinner for us, etc. By doing this, they would ask us what to say, we would ask them what they thought they should say and then we would talk through and also talk about what they needed to have handy when contacting those contacts to make appointments so they were prepared with any information that may be needed. They hated this at first, but it's a great way to have them start to "lead their life" in ways that they will have to as an adult and learning how to communicate what they want, start to manage their calendars and then follow through on appointments. LEADERSHIP SKILLS: COMMUNICATION, ORGANIZATION, AND FOLLOW THROUGH
4. Allow them to fail and make mistakes, don't save them, don't make it right for them. This is the hardest one of all and the one that I see us parents failing at all the time, with the best intentions and some of the most long term consequences when we fail at allowing this, as parents. Start early. When they are running, stop telling them they are going to fall. They may, if they fall and get a scrape, they can recover and they will be ok. When they forget their lunch for school for the third time in the month, the next time let them know you aren't bringing them lunch and don't do it, and they will be fine. If they miss lunch, there's nothing that will happen except they may learn they need to remember their lunch. In school, when they forget their homework to turn in, let them know that the next time you aren't bringing it for them. If they get a zero, they won't fail out of school, but they may remember their homework next time. If they have plans and it wasn't put on the family calendar and you made other plans for the family so they are upset they can't attend their plans. It will be ok, they'll miss an event and you'll have family time and they may remember to update the calendar with their plans next time so the conflict can be avoided. Start Early and often. Set expectations and communicate them so they are aware of what will happen next and then stick to what you say will happen. LEADERSHIP SKILLS: CHANGE AGILITY, RESPONSIBILITY, RECOVERY AFTER DISAPPOINTMENT, FAILURES AS LEARNING LESSONS, OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

We were all told things that impacted how we think as adults and we all have said them, as well. We have the opportunity to hone in on those behaviors that some complain about in kids, and give them opportunities to turn those behaviors into positive attributes, that we celebrate, that we will want in the world/workforce/community when they are adults. Start early, put things into action and turn those labels into opportunities that exhibit great leadership.

Suzanne Combs Brown is the Owner of Kairos Culture (www.kairoscultureu.com), where she invests in personal and professional development with individuals and motivational speaking. With her 20 years of leadership and coaching in Corporate America and her dedication to continuous learning, Suzanne believes through diversity we can seek to understand how each individual or group can grow, learn, and gain understanding to go beyond and move into a season of change, with true inclusion as the foundation.

Suzanne knows that God is her foundation and with Him all things are possible. She’s the wife to Robert Brown for 20 years. They have a blended family, with five children together along with three grand children. Their lives are busy, messy, comfortable, chaotic, exciting, and complicated!

Suzanne is the author of two books, “Girl You Got This” and "Woman, Take Your Power!" Focusing on empowering girls and women to stand up, show up and be who we are purposed to be!

For more information go to www.kairoscultureu.com or email to [email protected]