Week One: The raisin I'm being more mindful on Mondays

I suffered from anxiety for two years now. Something I never thought I'd find myself admitting. Especially not online to a public audience. But as I finish one chapter in my career, and start the planning to embark upon another, tackling my anxiety (and sometimes depression) is going to be an important part of my journey that I'd like to share this with you all as part of the process.

Chasing my tail

Before last week, I'd struggled to have remembered the last time my mind had been calm or quiet. It hadn't been uncommon for me to lie awake at night trying not to think, only to end up thinking more. I'd bought a notebook and placed this by my bed to jot down ideas in the middle of the night, and even invested in a Lumie alarm clock to help encourage me to turn off my phone and leave it in another room and to reduce the blue light I'm exposed to during the hour before I headed to bed to (try) to sleep. I'd wake exhausted, bad tempered and often, unhappy. I then wouldn't feel 'present' at work - tired, lack in concentration, quiet. Uncharacteristic. I'd then start to feel more anxious, stressed and exhausted - despite being surrounded by the most supportive network, both personally and professionally. It was time to do something about it...

Becoming more mindful

Let's face it, the world is moving faster than ever before. We're consuming 18,000 times more data in 10 minutes than we have done in the entirety of our history*. I started to ask myself just how I was going to start to feel less frazzled. That was when I finally opened the book** that I'd bought two years ago and left to collect dust in my bookcase, after deciding I simply didn't have time to be 'more mindful'. The same book is now proudly open on my kitchen table, pages folded, paragraphs highlighted, raisins purchased (I'll come back to these shortly don't worry!) and I'm excited to have started the authors' eight-week, self-guided, mindfulness programme this morning. My first step towards helping me to find a peace and contentment in a troubled and frantic time.

The Raisin meditation

So, we're finally at the reason I've bought raisins today. The Raisin meditation - part of Week One's 'Waking up the autopilot' exercises - the 'first sample of the central tenet of the mindfulness programme: that is, relearning how to bring awareness to everyday activities so that you can see life as it is, unfolding moment by moment.'*** Following the Raisin meditation, completed earlier today, I've chosen a routine activity (showering) and will be learning to pay attention whilst I'm freshening up!

So what did the Raisin meditation involve? Simply eating a raisin, undisturbed, whilst I recorded my reactions to the eight different stages of consuming one. Yes, eight.... Things I noted:

• A raisin is actually really light, and not too dissimilar so to a dropping (I grew up in the countryside and was a curious child ok - note I did not eat them!);
• Up close a raisin looks a lot like the terrain mapped on an Ordnance Survey map (remember I am a Geography graduate here...);
• The texture reminds me of the calluses on my hands from the years I've spent lifting weights in the gym;
• It smelt 'burnt';
• Rolling it on my tongue tickled me and brought a smile to my face;
• The taste was initially very bitter and then transformed towards sweetness;
• My tongue tingled after I'd swallowed, and;
• My eyes went straight to the tub in front of my - I wanted another one!

I haven't paid that much, sole, attention to such a simple activity for as long as I can remember. What struck me was what I've haven't noticed before - especially when I threw a handful absent-mindedly into my mouth 5 minutes later, and skipped straight to the sweetness and swallowed in one gulp. It actually left me pondering what else I've been 'skipping' past in my life... We shall see over the next eight weeks - I'm sure of that now. See you next week!

Notes

*'What can history teach us about the future of work?' - EY CIO Harry Gaskell **'Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' by Mark Williams and Danny Penman (2011) ***page 76 Williams and Penman (2011)

Next up

Week Two: Personal training to re-connect body and mind