Raised to be a Good Boy, Dis-empowered to be a Good Man
My family believed that if they raised a well-mannered boy that I would have the skills I needed to become a contributing member of society. Well, that was the Midwestern belief at the time.
The big lessons, which I took to heart, were
- Little children are to be seen and not heard.
- Speak only when spoken to.
- It's rude to ask for anything. Wait until you are offered something, and accept it with a sincere "Thank you."
And that's what us good boys did.
As an adult, though, that kind of left me little to work with in one of the mid-Atlantic's major science-driven organizations. The science problems weren't an issue because that's what we were there to solve.
The business and managerial issues, though, were another matter. There were real problems facing us with major government budget cuts hitting our work. Like many of the other good boys and girls at this job, I felt powerless. Because of my upbringing, I felt I had no voice, even though I knew I had real contributions to make on the business and managerial side of our company.
Since I was a "good boy"...my frustrations eventually led to an over-active form of self righteousness. And worse, I started acting out accordingly. It was all just bad politics on my part. I got some good things done, but I pissed off everybody in the three levels above me while doing it.
The sooner we teach our kids how to operate "peer-to-peer" with grown-ups, the more time they have to build the needed interpersonal skills to get good at dealing with people. Or as people just getting into a career, the sooner we learn to use our good manners (if you were brought up that way) to be forthright adults, the quicker we can become comfortable with the interpersonal dynamics a good organization needs.
Some #CareerLaunch advice, and a #loftAlert
Floater at Kamps Pallets
9 年I think he took the lessons he was taught too literal as it pertains to adulthood. I was taught pretty much the same thing, but as you mention I have changed or adapted my actions. What I was taught as a child has allowed me to be patient in certain situations, but adaptations have allowed me to speak up when necessary.
Software Development Contractor
9 年I'm not sure this is limited to 'Midwestern values' - there are plenty of other cultures that put a high premium on obedient children. Notably, a lot of them are also a mess. There is a website called 'Stack Exchange' and a discussion area called 'the workplace'. Page down through those conversational threads to get some idea of people that really feel powerless. Some of this stuff sounds like it's right out of 19th century Dickens novels. There is a distinction between 'obedience' and 'respect'. There are a lot of people I have very high regard for that I wouldn't obey, and wouldn't work for even if the respect was reciprocated. I would view them as having made choices that were 'necessary' (someone has to do it) but not something I should participate in. I've met children that understand the difference - they're assertive, but they don't try to overpower everyone in their presence. They know when to act, when to wait, and when to back off.
Principal Eng, Mech Engrg
9 年Errr.... I don't know what to say here. I suggest be a gentleman like my parents raised me. Respectful of people, yet forcing others to respect you in a two way street.
Technical Writer | Information Developer | UX Writer | Content Design & Technical Documentation
9 年I'm not seeing how the "good boy" upbringing led to the feelings of powerlessness & frustration. I think there's more to the story that needs to be surfaced in that regard. (I was raised with similar "midwestern values" so I'm interested in seeing more about how they influenced your interpersonal skills & attitude at work.)