Rainbows and Unicorns. And COVID.

“How is it that I’m working harder than I’ve ever worked, cranking out more changes and communication than I've ever done, and feel like I'm standing still? I'd rather take a nap than keep working like this." This question came from a long-term client of mine (code name: Alex) at the beginning of 2021. Alex is the leader of a large national organization responding to the financial and operating pressures of a global pandemic, and trying to balance all this with a family going crazy being under the same roof 24/7.

I was stunned to hear these words from Alex. This is an executive who is happiest being on the verge of overwhelm. “Take a nap” just wasn’t in his DNA. To this recipe of exhaustion and burnout, Alex added a heaping teaspoon of guilt... “I really don’t have a right to feel this way. After all, I have a paying job. My family is healthy. Why is this so hard?”

Alex is not alone. Many leaders are living with this cocktail of exhaustion, work demands, malaise, guilt and lack of motivation in response to the mess of external stressors from the past year. Dusting off the cobwebs of my undergrad Psych classes, I recalled Martin Seligman’s research on Learned Helplessness. In Seligman’s research, people who perceive events as outside of their control demonstrate behaviors that can threaten their well-being. They show a disruption of emotions, have difficulty with cognitive tasks like problem-solving, exhibit signs of depression and are less likely to change unhealthy patterns of behavior.

Well, that all sounded really familiar. We have the “COVID 15”, the utter freak-outs when liquor stores were threatened to close in the lock down and cookie sales increasing 147% year over year. It is hard to perceive anything right now as being within our control, and so we turn to unhealthy habits. Because they're delicious.

And yet, some folks are also finding ways to thrive in this environment. What are they doing differently? Seligman posits that learned optimism is the key to moving through these uncontrolled stressors in a healthy way. It’s not about still trying to paint the world with rainbows and unicorns. Rather, it’s by learning how to reflect differently on daily personal challenges.

For example:

• Adversity: Someone cuts you off in traffic.
• Belief: You think, "I can't believe that idiot was so rude and selfish!"
• Consequence: You are overcome with anger, yelling profanity at the other driver.

In the practice of learning optimism, noticing is most important. What was my belief which then drove my behaviors? Keeping a journal of noticing and understanding pessimistic beliefs helps to break the cycle, and turn a situation into something where an individual feels they have control in their environment and how they react.

Alex and I talked through this research and he decided to start keeping a journal. In those moments when Alex would much rather take a nap, he would write about what he was feeling, and what triggered his sense of exhaustion. Then he spent time digging into the belief around that moment, and began the hard work of creating a new habit to respond differently.

Things didn’t change overnight, but Alex began to feel a different sense of control and renewed energy. Alex has shared with me that he is more at peace with uncertainty. He started to show up differently at work, with friends and family. More calm, more focused, more resilient – and more energized.

I share this with you all today as a potential salve to the many stressors coming our way in this extraordinary time. It seems the supply chain for rainbows and unicorns is backed up due to COVID, and now is an ideal time to try something new that will hopefully serve you long after this pandemic has faded.