Rainbows, Moonbows and Values

??????????Rainbows are the phenomenon of direct sunlight hitting water droplets in the air. Moonbows are the same but with a different source of light. In moonbows, sunlight reflecting off the moon is refracted by water droplets in the sky.[1] Moonbows are often difficult to see through the naked eye given the indirect light source as it bounces off the moon, but nevertheless it is there ever-present when all the elements align.

??????????I am fortunate in that I have seen so many rainbows I cannot count them all, yet I cannot recall ever having seen a moonbow in real life. But, as I was watching a Will Smith documentary by National Geographic, this moonbow segment really resonated with me for a completely other reason.

??????????When we think of the concept of ‘Who Am I?” it can go a million different directions. We as human beings have multiple versions of ourselves. Adult. Child. Parent. Sibling. Partner. Employee. Employer. Entrepreneur. Woman. Man. Religious bent. Secular. This list can go on and on and albeit very descriptive is not at all informative about who we actually are. The titles and labels are there. Like a rainbow. For everyone to see. My image. My shell. My deliberate and conscious behaviour.

??????????But for us all, there is another layer that lies beneath. The deep end of the ocean. Where the water is still and quiet and the indigo shade that direct sunlight cannot always penetrate and easily reveal. It is here that we can really answer the question. Who Am I? What do I stand for? What do I value?

??????????There is one value which is a universal value. To attain any degree of prosperity, happiness or fulfillment you must prioritize this value. It is the value of Health. We don’t think much about this when we are young but if we make to a much older and meaningful age, this will matter, and it isn’t something you can buy or do at some point in the future to undo all the detrimental things you’ve done along the way.

The mind, body and soul are no fools. They do ring the alarm and provide warnings. Sometimes we are aware enough to pay attention and other times we are forced to pay attention. My alarm went off in 2011.

??????????2011 was one of my toughest years professionally and personally. Professionally, it was highly tumultuous with senior people I looked up to and mentors I had great relationships with, being ‘retired’ out and replaced with new and foreign faces who wanted to create their own fiefdoms. I was in the industry no more than 6 years and what started out as an exciting adventure with some of the smartest and genuinely stand-up risk takers I have ever worked with was quickly devolving into what can only be described as a highly political tribal warfare. The regime shifts were plenty with each subsequent group being worse than its predecessors. Building political capital takes a lot of time and with each announcement of new group heads that entered my inbox, all the relationships I had built up were fading fast. I was clearly on the outside and didn’t know from one day to the next if I would be walked out in the next ‘round’ of layoffs.

??????????Personally, it was a harrowing time as well. My husband and I had our daughter a couple of years earlier and had just bought a house in the suburbs. My 10 minute walk from our previous condo to work had now turned into a 50 minute commute which involved rushing for the commuter train, rushing to the car park and driving home. The learning curve on the commute alone is about 18 months so I was still in the jaws of an outright negative perspective on everything. And of course, it that isn’t enough, we were also trying to have a second child but sadly to no avail. Everywhere I turned, it seemed the pressures were mounting up.

??????????In December of that year I got Shingles, an unusual Christmas gift for a woman in her early 30’s but according to the doctor, becoming more prevalent as we are all taking on more stress earlier in our lives. I distinctly remember that conversation:

Me: Hi Doctor, for the past 2 days now I’m having this constant pain on the left side of my forehead, and I have this unusual rash on this side. (I pull the hair back from my forehead for him to see.)

Doctor: (Inspecting the rash on the side of my forehead) Yes. What is the pain like?

Me: Terrible. It’s like there are living ants inside the side of my head trying to gnaw their way out…wait, do ants gnaw?

Doctor: It’s shingles.

Me: Shingles? Doesn’t that happen to much older people?

Doctor: Usually yes, but it is becoming more common with the youth. Priya, tell me, are you under a lot of stress?

Me: Who isn’t Doc?!

Doctor’s eyes open wide. Conversation ends. ?????

??????????Shingles gave me a hard stop. I couldn’t go to work. I was sleeping in a separate room because I was worried about my daughter seeing me in this constant pained state. And antivirals take time to go through your body and exterminate the illness.?It forced me to re-assess everything in my life that had brought me here.

Since writing has always been an outlet for me, I started my blog so I could write my way through my pain. I landed on a value, a moment of gratitude and a resolution:

1)???VALUE: Health is paramount. If I don’t take care of myself first, I am of no use to anybody else and Ellil needs her mother!

2)??BIG FAT SILVER LINING - Thank goodness I wasn’t pregnant with shingles

3)??RESOLVE TO: Not worry about what I cannot control. If I get fired, I get fired. Life goes on after someone’s been fired + if they don’t value my work, I don’t want to waste my time and effort on them either:

a.???Diversify my network: Start making friends OUTSIDE my organization

b.???Be open: Give these new people a chance; perhaps not all are Cavemen.

We all have moments that stop us in our tracks and ask us to evaluate whether we want to continue down the same beaten path with the same baggage and mindset. When this happens, I encourage you to stop, think and feel. Bring all these emotions to the forefront and articulate them. For it is here in these moments that your values will be uncovered and the cloud hanging over your head will dissipate and join the elements that will allow you to see your own moonbow.

[1] Exploring Rainbows and Moonbows - Geography Realm