RAIN Method: A Perspective on Reducing Harm in the Workplace

Editor's Note: This post originally appeared on?Blue Sky Mind, a holistic lifestyle blog about positive psychology.

A recent line from one of my Inner MBA lessons stopped me in my tracks. It articulated something that has formed the basis of my personal meaning-making machinery for many years now:

"When we can stay present with our own fear and insecurity, we are better able to be there for others. You can start to be part of the healing of our world by starting with yourself."

I've always leaned on my interest and investment in positive psychology as not just self-help, but as the foundation for my ability to better be there for and serve others.

Many people I've spoken to over the years discount self-help and self-compassion as selfish or overly self-absorbed. I contend that it is the fundamental basis for being there for others and not being the source of more harm or chaos in the world.

A common pattern for inter-personal harm?at work

The increasing pace of technological advancement & our reliance on tech in the workplace means we never disconnect from the low-level hum of work stress. The limitless nature of technology is diametrically opposed to the finite capacity of the individual human being. And the responsibility for prioritization & setting boundaries is placed squarely on the individual, who has been groomed over a lifetime to favor saying yes and burning out over saying no and biting the hand that feeds (pays) them.

For anyone but a dedicated Luddite, it's a seemingly inescapable quandary and one that plays out at all levels of an organization, whether between managers and their direct reports or workers and their cross-functional partners. One theory for why this happens between colleagues is our shared, long-held belief that emotions have no place at work. That work is a place for left-brain logic, facts, economics, and, more recently, cold-hard code.

When faced with a difficult or negative emotion at work - particularly overwhelm, anxiety, or pain - most of us tend to 1) ignore it or suppress it, believing it to be inappropriate to express; so 2) the energy from that emotion, which must be released, is released via a more destructive emotion, usually anger, withdrawal, or a lack of compassion on someone else in the organization; and 3) the trust within their org is damaged to some degree.

While many of us believe we're being savvy social creatures by hiding our vulnerable selves at work, the process unfortunately doesn't align with real biological facts. Normal human emotions, especially those as rooted in biology as fear or hurt, cannot be snuffed out entirely. They exist for a reason, and the energy behind them will always need to be directed somewhere. Any person who believes they're managing their vulnerable emotions through denial or silence is almost certainly unknowingly redirecting them in a harmful way.

Using RAIN to reduce personal chaos & social harm

So what can we do about it? One idea shared in the Inner MBA, as well as dharma circles globally, is the concept of RAIN, coined by master mindfulness guru Tara Brach. Tara describes this practice as a template for "the sacred pause," which can help "create a clearing in the dense forest of your life.” It can help us see more clearly what it is we are experiencing and why.

RAIN consists of four parts:

• Recognize: This is the process of naming an emotion or experience, which many studies have proven to lessen the intensity of whatever you're feeling.
• Allow: Accept the emotion head-on, rather than burying it with busyness. You can whisper, "This belongs" to your emotion and yourself. Do this without trying to solve or fix anything; you’re simply making space for the emotion to exist.
• Investigate: Gently question yourself, with curiosity and kindness, about the emotion you're feeling. Where do you feel it most in your body? Tara recommends asking: "What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need?"
• Nurture: This is the moment of self-compassion; "Experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften or open your heart. It might be the mental whisper, I’m here with you. I’m sorry, and I love you. I love you, and I’m listening. It’s not your fault. Trust in your goodness," says Tara.?

It's easy for me to find myself in a state of anxiety due to happenings at work; to feel like I'm not doing enough, not making enough impact, not impressive enough. So I name the feeling with an inner whisper: anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I remind myself: "This belongs. Let it be." I feel it, somatically, in my tight stomach, my quickened heart, in my narrow vision. I put my hand over the source of the pain in my body, one hand on my heart and another on my stomach. With tenderness and pressure, I ask how I can be with this feeling, what it needs from me to feel better.

I want this for workers everywhere. I want this for everyone everywhere. Because when I take that sacred pause to recognize the fear and anxiety that conflict and insecurity can bring, I give myself so much more grace and create so much more space for an appropriate and growth-minded response, than I do when I simply continue to operate mindlessly within my anxiety. Not only do I feel more like a leader, even if just of my own self, but I feel more whole and grounded.

Let's spread the word: Interest and investment in self has the capacity to change the world for the better. That idea motivates me every day: Every positive action has a ripple effect, just like every negative action. Let's work on ourselves with the goal of sending as many positive ripples into the world. Enough ripples will create a wave. And we live in a world that could use a few big waves.

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