Be Radically Honest

It’s estimated that people tell an average of four lies per day. Although some of these lies may seem harmless and appear socially permissible, what’s alarming beyond the frequency of our lies, is how thoughtlessly the lies are delivered.?

Can you think of a lie that you’ve unconsciously told recently??

Perhaps it was telling someone that you were running?three?minutes late, when you really knew you were?fifteen?minutes late. Or, maybe you lied to your spouse about liking the outfit that they wearing.?

Of course, these types of lies are seemingly innocent and it could be argued that they’re delivered in order to avoid tension in present or future moments. And while it’s understandable that we want peace and comfort, in too many occurrences our constant seeking of comfort, is often what initiates pain.

We become so numb to the lies that we’re telling and accept them as truths so we don’t have to dig in and confront the tough stuff. Considering such, our challenge this week is to become more mindful of what lies you may have unconsciously accepted as truth, identify the intention behind the lies, and then choose to be radically honest with yourself, and others.

The challenge: be radically honest!

Stanford Psychiatrist and Author of?Dopamine Nation, Dr. Anna Lembke, joined us for a guest interview in Mindful Journey last year (please see full length interview?here.) In?Dopamine Nation, she devoted a whole chapter to “radical honesty” and briefly outlines (in this clip) what’s happening in our brain’s physiology when we tell the truth.

Telling the truth is not only the right thing to do, but it actually has many incredible benefits for our own mental well-being (beyond what Dr. Lembke shared in the interview). Truth telling eliminates internal contradiction, deepens connections, helps you identify solutions, and heal through addictions. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), arguably one of the most notable agencies to help in alcohol addiction recovery, has understood this truth since its very formation. The first step of their program requires an admittance of the participant because it’s recognized that until we finally admit, we can never fully confront.?(Note:?Here?is an article from AA Cleveland outlining how we can increase honesty, some common reasons for dishonesty, etc.)

That said, as you’re completing the challenge this week, consider using these two questions below as a guide to help you:

1. What lies have I accepted as truths because it’s been too difficult for me to confront them?
2. How will my life change when I finally face these lies?

By taking the time to answer the first question, you may uncover that much of the anxiety or internal tension you’ve been living with has been a result of living a lie. The hope is once you uncover that lie, that you’ll then be able to see how your life will drastically improve when you finally confront and expose the lie.

For example, perhaps you’ve been lying to yourself as to why you haven’t gotten the promotion in your work. Or, maybe you’ve been dealing with an addictive tendency, or have been unfaithful in a relationship. It’s not lost on me that these are heavy subjects. And the admittance of them can be scary and result in unparalleled emotional pain. But what you must recognize is that holding on to them or accepting them as truths is actually inflicting even more pain.

We lie to protect ourselves, to protect others, to inflate our ego & look better, to avoid conflict/confrontation, and for a variety of other reasons.?It’s a mechanism we often use for avoidance.?But this week, promise yourself acceptance. Take responsibility for your actions and shortcomings, and don’t be afraid to speak up for what you know is true. Truth telling — to yourself and/or others — doesn’t have to be demeaning. In fact, it shouldn’t be. It can be delivered with grace, compassion, and understanding; which will ultimately make the delivery of it much less threatening, and therefore, easier for the recipient to absorb.

Have a great week embracing radical honesty!

(*Note:?Here is an article from the American Psychological Association offering additional context on the harms of dishonesty and importance of truth telling.?Lying Less Linked to Better Health, New Research Finds.)