Radical Candor

This is my summary of the book Radical Candor, which delves into feedback. In essence, radical candor is about challenging directly while caring personally. This approach fosters improved outcomes and genuine relationships.

Framework

What if you’re in a group and spot someone coming back from the restroom with an undone zipper?

Ponder that for a second, then continue reading.

1. Do you keep quiet, concerned about their feelings?
2. Or, do you hold back, fearing your remark might be unwelcome?
3. Perhaps you seize the moment for a laugh, exclaiming, “Hey, your fly’s open!”
4. Or, might you discreetly mention, “Your zipper’s down”?

Your reaction hinges on two factors:

• Do you care personally?
• Do you challenge directly?

Given these two factors, we can map out four potential reactions:

For a more business-centric scenario, think of someone who could’ve saved ample time by involving two colleagues early on in a project.

Ranking the reactions

Clearly, Radical Candor is the gold standard. It promotes better work and personal growth while cementing trust and care. On the flip side, Manipulative Insincerity is the least desirable.

But between Ruinous Empathy and Obnoxious Aggression, which do teams lean towards? Is a caring environment or a confrontational one the most desirable one?

You might guess Ruinous Empathy, as many people do. Yet, research shows colleagues are actually more satisfied in an Obnoxiously Aggressive organization.

This is a bit surprising, but it makes sense upon reflection. We are inherently social beings who value group harmony. For this reason, we might prioritize “caring personally”. However, when our peers hold their thoughts for them, we usually sense it in the atmosphere and feel less safe. It appears “challenging directly” is even more important than “caring personally”. Moreover, if we only receive vague, toned-down feedback spread out over time, Scott suggests it’s akin to a dog having its tail amputated an inch at a time rather than all at once. A desire to spare suffering only leads to more suffering.

Feedback guidelines

When to share it?

Right away! Don’t wait until the next feedback session. The reasons for this:

• Regular feedback is easier to digest.
• It promotes continuous learning.
• It ensures tensions are nipped in the bud.

How to convey it?

How can you tell someone their work isn’t up to par without hurting their feelings?

This is the wrong question! The goal isn’t to minimize emotional pain but to derive satisfaction from doing things right. People prefer sincere relationships over frictionless relationships. This is crucial! If you really care about the other person and your relationship with him, you challenge him directly – with empathy for his feelings but without the aim of avoiding negative emotions.

Let’s try again: How do you tell someone their work is not up to par?

Here are two suggested methods:

• Describe: Situation > Behavior > Impact (Google it for more info.)
• Use the Non-Violent Communication framework.

Some pointers:

• Better in person than by phone. Avoid writing.
• Focus on the work, not the person. Even Steve Jobs has been quoted to say, “your work is shit” and not “you are shit.”
• Express confidence in their abilities (if it’s real).
• Be detailed. Leave no ambiguity on what to improve.
• Stay humble. Acknowledge your feedback may be wrong.
• Acknowledge painful emotions. Don’t say, “don’t take it personally.”
• Offer help.

For instance:

Can we chat briefly? You’ve managed project X very well. Gathering all pertinent details and liaising with the right folks. Your decisions, even if they meant personal sacrifices, were in the company’s best interest. The project outcome is successful. It’s important that you let this sink in. What could be improved, is efficiency. Involving Mark and Peter earlier might’ve streamlined the process, saving time for everyone. From what I’ve seen, I know you can continue to grow in this area. Perhaps Joel could help you learn how to handle projects more efficiently?

My thoughts

Feedback can be daunting, both to give and receive. Embracing the discomfort and getting used to challenging others directly can alleviate some of this unease. Yet, it might never fully vanish.

Interestingly, there might be a less uncomfortable, and more effective alternative: the so-called developmental approach. If you’re interested, you can read more about the developmental approach in my summary of the book No More Feedback.

How does the developmental approach relate to radical candor? Both present a convincing case and I believe both have their place. Put simply, the developmental approach comes down to challenging indirectly while caring personally:

Even if a developmental approach may be inherently more effective, some feedback remains invaluable. Take the undone zipper scenario. In such cases, a simple and discreet “Your zipper’s down” is the best course of action. Or consider the pitfall of conflict avoidance in many close-knit teams (i.e. ruinous empathy). We may withhold feedback on someone’s work to spare their feelings, but as a result, we let subpar work go to the client.

In short, I believe a developmental approach is best to promote personal growth, while some feedback may still be useful for work improvement and particularly as part of conflict resolution. More fundamentally, candid communication remains an essential quality that any team would be wise to nurture, which is the essence of the book Radical Candor.

Transitioning to a developmental approach requires uprooting old feedback habits, which is no easy feat. If your team isn’t ready for the developmental approach, Radical Candor is a solid starting point. As a culture of open communication and genuine relationships takes root, the developmental approach can be introduced or expanded.

Originally published at https://alex.vu.