R - a journey of understanding

I watched Rosie last night. Much was missing from the programme, but it represents a significant first step along a journey of understanding. In airing it Channel 4 are helping people to take those first steps. What do folk further along the journey do? Condemn those behind? Or try to figure out the steps beyond where we are at?

These are the steps I could think of…the programme covered the first three.

(In the image these steps are displayed in a circle outlined by footprints to indicate the journey):

People are upset when others are cruel to them

Saying cruel things online is still cruel

People find that word insulting

A defense that says "I'm clever" reinforces the prejudice

That we all suffer under intellectual meritocracy

Having an intellectual impairment can be?a valid and fulfilling way to live

That people are cruel for more complex reasons than just being "Sh#$s" ?(the reductionism of which parallels the dehumanisation being objected to)

That you counter cruelty by listening not silencing...when people feel heard, valued, understood, they no longer need to be cruel

I also watched, last night, those I know to be further along the journey, to see what steps they would propose. I am still watching. I want to learn my next steps.

Two things I think remain worth mentioning here:

1)?????To remember that Rosie is a human too, flawed, doesn’t get it all right, but is probably trying her best. I’ve seen it said that she is being hypocritical having previously used these terms abusively herself. It is that old wisdom of throwing the first stone…I was bullied through school, but there was someone more bullied than me, and we ended up hanging out, not so much out of choice but of necessity, and one Saturday afternoon I teased him, dressing it up as ‘banter’ as ‘having a laugh’. I used on him the words that had been used on me, to see what it felt like being on the other side.

Thinking of the people throwing stones, we don’t want the rule to be that you must never have thrown a stone in order to call for the stone throwing to stop.

2)?????Rosie had clearly been very hurt by the abuse she had experienced. But there is a population of people who are even more damaged than her (which is not to take away from her suffering, but simply to stand witness to their presence). These people remind me of burns victims who have no skin and cannot bear to be touched. For them, the very literal hearing of the word is agony, and the airing of this documentary has created an environment presently where they hear the word more often.

Many of these people first encountered the word in their lives when they were handed their precious, perfect, beloved, newborn child in the heady seconds after birth, and told in that moment, with that word, that this child was worthless. A message that is continually reinforced to them through society. Their pain and trauma is unimaginable.

Just as the burns victim may need to be touched to be treated, tackling prejudice may involve having agonising conversations. It needs to be done but in its doing their pain should be recognised not dismissed, they are not being irrational, they are feeling, they are being human.

We are all human.