RēL Talk Today and Rethinking Good and Bad

You know those moments when you realize something you were taught as a kid doesn't fit your adult experiences??

Like being taught that getting straight A's would result in a "first-class seat to life" (not!) or being told that sex was bad and then finding out it was pretty darn amazing? (Yes, I said sex because we are all adults here, and sex is a healthy part of a RēL life)

I'm sure you know the kind of moments I'm referring to, where you grow up to realize you were taught something to keep you "safe" or within the scope of doing what good little girls and boys do.?

The problem isn't that as we grow up we get rebellious.?

It is that often we don't stop to rethink these belief systems we were taught as children.? So we go into our adult lives still thinking and behaving as children about topics in our life.???

Or maybe, we don't think about it at all!?

We just continue to judge things like we were taught as a child (remember to stay safe and be a good little girl/boy)?

I find that often what we believe is GOOD or BAD is among these beliefs.?

Whoa, Bessie!? Before you go getting all pious on me . . . let me explain.?

Years ago while climbing the corporate ladder to my vision of SUCCESS I hit a wall - hard.?

Multiple experiences were woven together to bring me to a breaking point.?

I call it my Breakdown to Breakthrough and wrote about it in the international best-seller Courageous Hearts: Soul Nourishing Stories to Inspire You to Embrace Your Fears and Follow Your Dreams. ?

Well, before I knew there was going to be a "breakthrough" (exhale) it was just a painful, ugly and very challenging, and lonely breakdown.? It just wasn't pretty on the outside or the inside.??

Sidenote: I found that baking bread and eating the whole loaf temporarily filled the wide gaping empty space inside that the breakdown left.? Well, many pounds later I discovered my outsides looked a lot like I felt on the inside . . . very very puffy glutenous, and confusing.

I also took the opportunity to really question

E V E R Y T H I N G.?

Everything I had been taught as a child up to and including the 36 years of my life.?

Trust me there were many things I had not yet experienced in life by this point and the things I had were enough to give me a clear understanding that I had been operating on a very thin and flimsy platform of "this is good" and "that is bad".??

I viewed the world through this lens and so many things I had been taught were good just didn't seem to result in good outcomes.? These "good beliefs" just didn't work for me anymore in my life.?

I hadn't become unethical and lost my integrity -- rather I hadn't really explored what I, Marianne MacKenzie valued and what exactly was integrous living according to those values.??

The same was true for my beliefs about what was bad.? The judgment of bad just didn't really fit the perspective I had on life as a mother and business woman and wife.??

So I allowed myself to rethink it all.?

I started by eliminating

GOOD and BAD from my options.

(Gasp!)

Instead, I would look at a situation, choice, or belief and ask myself "Does this work for me?"? If the answer was yes, then it WORKS.? If the answer was no, then it DIDN'T WORK for me.??

I realized that so many of the choices I needed to make were very situational.? It caused me to have to stay present in my own life and actually ask myself questions before making a choice and taking action.?

It was surprising to see what choices I had NOT been making in my life because of a good or bad belief.??Choices that really needed to be made to live the life I desired.

It was incredibly liberating to realize I was wise enough to make some really good new decisions that were in alignment with my values and my integrity.??

I taught this to my children and watched their minds open to possibility.? And to think bigger and broader than before.? They didn't judge others so much and gained the confidence to make good decisions (at least most of the time - we are all still human, remember).??

It is often the little shifts we make that improve the quality of our lives exponentially.?        

I have never missed the label of good or bad.?

I have gained the ability to understand if a choice will work for me or not work for me.? Without using someone else's version of the judgment of being good or bad.??

I mean think about it.? Good or bad is so subjective anyway.??

So I challenge you to try this one on.? Drop the label of good or bad, heck drop right or wrong as well.? Let's make better decisions and choices by considering if it works for the situation or doesn't work.??

Trust your values, your head, and your heart.? You already know you are a phenomenal person.? Now, trust yourself to choose.??

It is FREEDOM.???

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Stay curious my friend!

Marianne

P.S.? If you would like to jump on a Discovery call to see how I might be able to support you in designing a more meaningful life, then here is my calendar. ? No obligation, just 30 minutes with me.?

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