Quit Telling Everybody Everything! (Part 1)

Transparency. Authenticity. Boundaries. Yeah, all those--and civility, courtesy, and kindness. We’re all for these. Except when it means:

…telling everyone your story on first, second, or third meeting. …using your story as a shield or a sword to avoid responsibilities. …filling the airspace with competition for who had the worst life. …treating others like fire hydrants (and you’re a big dog with a large, full bladder).

How did we learn to do this to each other? And is the opposite of this keeping secrets or hiding? This will be a two-week blog, I think.

I’m thinking this might be the pendulum swing: we went from a time of extreme secrets and hiding everything to flaunting it. It’s as if we earned a merit badge for each overwhelming experience, and now we are strutting our filled-up sashes.

First? Listen to the words you read and hear every day in media and music. Media and content creators learned that violence, rudeness, brashness and raw emotion got more clicks, and the races were off to see who could be the most sensational, outrageous, and like-worthy online.

If you’re old enough, you remember the move from serious talk shows in the late 80’s and early 90’s to sensational journalism.

Plus, what you hear over and over again becomes your inner and outer narrative. Just how many songs like Pharrell’s “Happy” are there and how many played strong like that one?

Second? We are a nation of clients and patients, in need of therapy, every one of us. We love our support groups. We love our self-help, self-care, and self-disclosure. We’ve had #metoo, #utoo, and #whotoo all begging us to go public.

We get schooled over and over again to Tell. Our. Stories. without flinching, shame, or rancor. Tell. Your. Story. And anyone who doesn’t listen and empathize and feel it with you is not a good person. It’s as if we have an unalienable right to Tell. Our. Story.

We got taught to tell everyone everything. Is it really all that helpful? Read Part 2 to learn more.