The Quiet Leader

Who is the Quiet Leader in your life? You know the one. The mentor in your life with sage-like qualities and a gentle twinkle in their eye. They have a distant look....a quiet calm...A resolute, intentional, patience. It's like they know something...something that they wish they could tell you but can't.... Because they know it can’t be told our taught, it can only be experienced. When they see that you start to "get it", their enthusiasm for you knows no bounds. They see and encourage the delicate maturation process from knowledge to wisdom. The wisdom obtained through experience. Over time, this wisdom permeates the heart, mind, and soul. It becomes patience, peace and rest. It’s a paradox of gentle solidarity. The patience of knowing the end result and the presence of mind to know what it will take to get there.

Yes....

This leader is the type that is present in the moment yet able to pull from the past to push others towards the future.

In honor of this Veteran's Day, I would like to recognize the passing of a Quiet Leader. One that has been the most influential figure in my life. My Father...

In April of this year, he quietly passed into the arms of his Heavenly Father. Although his passing and the life leading up to it was quiet and intentional. His death was nothing short of monumental to me and the lives of those who loved him. The solid foundation, spiritual mentor, emotional support, constant encourager, source of wisdom strength and safety that he represented in our lives was...gone.?

For those of you that have experienced grief and loss, you know what this feeling is like. Suddenly the world is not as safe as you thought it was, now it is up to you to find your way. The safety net is gone and you are hanging over a vast expanse of uncertainty. Lost in the waves of life with no rudder to guide you and no anchor to hold fast.?

Yet I am reminded that what is eternal is not the material.

Our physical bodies are precious and beautiful and should be cared for an appreciated.

For are not our bodies (and the material world) but practice for the eternal?

The tools in which we learn to love, care for, protect, nurture, and give... The soul our bodies are made to form is what is truly real. It’s what lives on. It is reality. We...dear friends...have been born into a world that has a backward view of reality. For the material is not what is real. This material world is the practice and process of becoming our true selves. The shaping of our souls... Our lives are an awakening process to this reality...

The legacy of my Father's mortal life lives on. His impact was and is eternal in myself, my mother, sister, brothers, and children. The ripple effects of his loss will be experienced for decades. But the impact of his life will live on from generation to generation.

Yet it was his quiet humility that had the true impact. What did that look like?

In his obituary , I wrote:

"He was first and foremost a man of God, wisdom, and conscience. With child-like enthusiasm, he felt deeply and loved fiercely.? As a Certified Financial Planner, he served his clients. As a U.S. Marine Corp. veteran, he served his country. As a Husband, Father, Brother, and Friend, he served us all.

? ? ?In his final years, he could be described as the “man-behind-the-scenes,” living simply, loving quietly, and listening intently to all, but mostly the voice of his Father…calling him home...

It wasn't until later in life that he was diagnosed with significant learning deficits. Yet with the help of another Quiet Leader, my grandmother read his homework to him until he learned to read it himself. With her assistance he was able to graduate high school... He then quickly joined the marines... married his high school sweetheart, adopted 3 children, had 2 more, and raised a total of 5.

He lead a successful financial planning firm with client relationships reaching back 40 years. At his retirement party, these clients shared how he was much more than a Financial Adviser, but a life coach and spiritual mentor. Many gave examples of how he had counseled marriages out of divorce, restored relationships, and patiently educated them on their unhealthy relationship with wealth. Entitled "Harkins Investment Solutions" - He viewed his firm as a ministry first and business second... The name intentionally abbreviated as H-I-S with the clear messaging that the business was not his, but HIS. He viewed all that he had, including his business, as a gift from his Heavenly Father.

I pray that you all have someone like this in your life. If you do, take time and sit with them, sit at their feet and hear their story... soak in their life experience. You can’t and won’t find this type of leadership online, in a you tube video, Instagram post or even a book. These shallow tools will never replace the interpersonal connection of human interaction.?

From birth, our brains are hard wired to respond to physical presence and social interaction. There is an interchange that technology can and never will replace.

This is how human beings have functioned over millennia. With wisdom, experience and love passed from generation to generation... Unfortunately, in the western world, we've seen very little of this value system as of late.

Much of our older generation has believed the lie that just because infinite knowledge is at the world's fingertips through technology that their roles have become obsolete and their life experience isn't needed or appreciated.

The painful irony is that they know that advice that is offered unsolicited is rarely internalized.

Yet their experience and wisdom are what we need now more than ever.?

Paradoxically, as the present political and social landscape demonstrates, age does not always equate to wisdom. Our generation, needs to seek out those sages who truly see you, have no desire to impress you.... but want to see you become your true self. The real you. The ones who are willing to share their mistakes, mishaps, and misfortunes. Failures, flaws, and findings. With no desire for accolade. Only to see their life lessons live on in those they love....

Love.... The fundamental quality of a leader by which all leadership qualities derive their power. Without love...a leader cannot empathize, demonstrate patience, gratitude, motivate or inspire. Without love a leader turns inward and seeks self promotion, accolades, and attention. People becomes objects to be used and not subjects to be known...

The Quiet Leader serves and protects...inspires and motivates....sacrifices and encourages...One who leads because they have too...Who sees a need and knows that there is no one more qualified than themselves to fill it...Who takes the lesser seat until it is impossible to do otherwise.

They know that the loudest voice is rarely the one that’s true....

The world doesn’t need louder voices. The world doesn’t need more polarization and opinions. The world needs the Quiet Leader. The one who is unflappable, unflustered, intentional, empathetic, patient, confident and kind.?

These leaders exist…trust me… but the chances of finding them online or in the media are rare. Because...

Quiet Leaders understand the toxicity of exposure...the danger of pride and self-promotion. They know that the loudest voice is rarely the one that’s true...

Those that consistently draw attention to other people's failures and inadequacies, do so because they are typically unwilling to recognize, admit, and apologize for their own.

The Quiet Leader leads through gentle example and demonstrative intentionality.??Fights for justice, seeks equality and protects those in their charge. They attract individuals towards the common good instead of forcing them towards their own selfish gains.?

By no means have I achieved this level of maturity in the human condition. However, I’ve been surrounded by many men and women who have, particularly my father. He specifically recognized his scope of influence and intentionally maximized his positive impact within it.?

The irony is that as we become more mature in our human condition, we realize the extent of our own personal limitations thereby creating a measure of natural humility and recognition of just how small our role is in the grand scheme. Yet independent of size of the role, the necessity of it remains crucial to the success of future generations.

My father made it clear that he was not a saint, and he certainly was not blessed with the gift of social awareness. Yet he loved fiercely, lived passionately and supported quietly. He did his best to offer what he had with no strings attached and no expectations.

He was the type of man who would allow those without homes to live in his. He had a heart for the misfits, the outcasts, and the broken for he saw no difference in himself.

He was a man of conscience, transparency, and empathy. He was an anchor in this turbulent world. Something firm to hold on to when all is chaos. He lead from the front and behind. Took enemy and friendly fire. He was like a steady stream of water needed for nourishment that has always been there and always would be... until it's not...It has been like gravity is suddenly gone...Water ceases to be wet... or the ground is no longer solid... The world is no longer safe.

Yet.... He can be seen in my children... his voice heard on the wind. I feel his joy in the birds... in the grass... His unwavering love lives on....

This is the impact of a Quiet Leader.... the eternal legacy of love...of a life poured out for others... of a life well lived...

Quiet Leaders... the world needs you... we need you...

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