Quiet Firing – Is Similar to Getting Divorced (my opinion)??

I hesitated before posting this - wondering if it was too dark a topic for LinkedIn. But here’s the truth: breaking up is hard to do. Whether it’s a company or a marriage, leaving something that’s been a big part of your life is never just about paperwork. It’s emotional. It’s messy. And it’s often full of unexpected twists.

In some divorces, one spouse is completely blindsided by a secret life or agenda of the other. I know - I was. I had no idea what was really going on in my world until I accidentally opened the wrong letter. In that moment, I realised that I didn’t really know what had been going on in my world at all! ??

And you know what? Quiet firing in organisations feels eerily similar to suddenly finding yourself getting divorced.

?? The Red Flags We Ignore

Looking back, both situations had warning signs I ignored:

• The lack of growth – No new opportunities, no forward momentum.
• The Sunday night dread – That gnawing feeling that something wasn’t right.
• The gut feeling that I was stuck – But convincing myself it would get better.

And just like in a failing marriage, quiet firing comes with a series of subtle but damaging signals:

• Being left out of key decisions and meetings – You’re suddenly out of the loop and your view is ignored.
• Your responsibilities being downgraded – The strategic, high-impact work disappears, and what’s left is well below your expertise. You have no visibility and are undervalued.
• The missed promotion – And worse, you weren’t even in the running.
• The micromanagement – Say no more. ??♂?

Honestly, both experiences feel more like ‘gaslighting’ or ‘death by a thousand cuts’ - happening so gradually that you don’t even notice what’s happening until it’s too late.

?? When It Happens to You

The hardest part? When you’re a competent, well-respected professional, it really catches you off guard.

Over the years, I’ve worked with coaching clients who’ve gone through quiet firing, and they often share the same traits:

• Experienced, with a solid track record.
• Bright, engaging, and great at what they do.
• Stressed and maybe also suddenly signed off on stress leave—for the first time ever.
• Completely surprised by out-of-the-blue change and paralysed / shell-shocked by what’s happening.
• Struggling to comprehend how they’ve been treated because they would never do this to someone else.

? What to Do Next

If this is happening to you, here’s my best advice:

1. Take time to heal – Sleep, cry, go for long walks, and take time to reflect - whatever helps you reset. ??♀?
2. Talk to others – Family, friends, and advisers. You need people who give you perspective, courage, and a strong cup of tea (or wine ??). An outside perspective can help you see what’s happening, and you don’t need to feel any shame. NDAs prevent us from ever knowing how many are affected by this.
3. Be kind to yourself – Blame and self-criticism won’t help here.
4. Don’t expect an overnight fix – If this took years to unfold, it won’t be resolved in a week. Understanding what has happened, where you really want to be in future are the key to growth.
5. Document everything – This is tough because it means reliving the experience, but it’s necessary. And do it on your personal laptop, not your work one.
6. Get legal advice – From a specialist employment lawyer. It’s the best money you’ll ever spend. ??
7. Decide what’s next, when you’re ready – No rash decisions. Once you’re in a better place, then (and only then) start considering your next career move.

?? The Good News?

Relationships end. Divorces happen. Quiet firing exists.

But here’s what also happens:

• You heal. ??
• You rebuild. ??
• You learn and grow. ??

Properly done, being forced to move on is a great (albeit at times stressful) opportunity to re-evaluate and re-negotiate the life you want to lead - on your terms.

?? Final Thought

No one has a perfect life or career - and anyone who tells you they do is either lying or deluded (in my book at least!) ?? However, we can make life better for each other by sharing our stories and insights.

Your dreams matter

Annette