Quick Keys To Communicating With The Other Parent
KIDS COME FIRST c.i.c. Separated Parent Support and Training Workshops
![KIDS COME FIRST c.i.c. Separated Parent Support and Training Workshops]()
KIDS COME FIRST c.i.c. Separated Parent Support and Training Workshops
Child-Focused Support & Training Workshops for Separated Parents since 2015.
- Active Listening: we cannot talk and listen simultaneously as the brain doesn’t compute!
- Maintain a civil, courteous tone if you want your voice to be ‘heard’
- Body language is 70% of communication so be as calm, relaxed and composed as possible. Keep eye contact when face-to-face.
- Conflict: recognise your own (and the other parent's!) distress signals and stress ’triggers’ to avoid adding more ‘fuel to the fire’.
- Time-Outs: recognise when to ‘step back’ from potential conflict but not ‘walk away’ from tackling tricky or difficult conversations. Suggest another time to discuss the issue.
- Equality: acknowledge each other’s equal status as parents and treat the other parent fairly.
- Parental Responsibility: have a clear understanding of your children's right to have a loving relationship with each of you as well as your responsibility to facilitate and encourage this!
- Respect: appreciate and value each other’s set of parenting skills and your different ‘styles’. You are not parent 'clones'.
- Child-focused perspective: it’s not about YOU or your feelings towards each other. It’s all about your children so keep them in mind and try to see things through their eyes.
- Empathy and mindfulness: ask yourself - “how would I feel if the other parent...”
- Adopt a practical, business-like approach to managing all communications and info-sharing processes. Don't 'over-step' into personal territory and hold firm boundaries.
- 'Cost/Benefit’ Analysis: choose your battles carefully before weighing in! Consider all the potential consequences & associated costs i.e. time; energy, financial, emotional, etc.
- 24hr Rule: never respond or react to incoming communication when you’re feeling negative emotions i.e. stressed/upset/angry/fearful. Wait until you feel calmer. Where possible, notify the the other parent that you need time to respond.
- Agenda: stick to a few points at a time rather than tackling a long list of proposals.
- Problem-solving: strive to seek solutions and try to negotiate a compromise or ‘trade-off’ because children need you to work things out.
- Information-sharing: always be open and accurate about details concerning your children. As parents you both need to know that your children are safe and secure.
- Future-focus: let go of past upsets, hurts and grievances. Playing the ‘blame-game’ only feeds into a cycle of negativity for everyone and quickly cancels out positive parenting.
- Collaboration: your children rely on you to work together. They’re observing your behaviour & listening to your verbal exchanges.
- Litigation: avoid initiating or pursuing legal action whilst engaged in mediating.
- Parenting: there’s no such thing as the ‘perfect’ parent but nobody can aspire to excellence without the opportunity to practice!
- See the ‘bigger picture’: small steps can often lead to big changes so be methodical!
- Good childhood: children develop healthy self-esteem and emotional intelligence when nurtured by both parents (individually & together)
Financial Planner for women divorcing CEOs/Millionaires ?? Spear's 500 ?? Soul Led ?? Discreet Due Diligence ?? Financial Abuse and Narcissism Qualifications
3 年A brilliant reminder, so easy to focus on being heard and then totally missing this.
Partner at Keystone Law | Family Lawyer | HNW Divorce | Children Law | Mediation | Collaborative Law | Cohabitation
3 年These look like very wise words and sensible advice thank you