Questions, Actions, Choices & Personal Responsibility - Part 1

A few weeks ago, I had the honour of presenting a workshop at the More The Rubies 2018 conference in Wellington. The conference is about empowering women by equipping them with the practical skills they need to take charge and bring about positive change in their lives. More Than Rubies is a movement created by M.A.D Skills, a social enterprise that exists to make a difference.

We believe in the incredible worth of women, yes you are worth more than rubies!

This article is part 1 of 2 to summarise what I spoke about. Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions - I'd love to hear from you!

Icebergs

We are like icebergs!!! No – not cold and capable of sinking ships!  Did you know that only approximately 10% of an iceberg is visible above water? 

So – how are we like icebergs?  Because, like an iceberg, we often only show a small portion of ourselves to the world (the part above the surface) and even though, there is so much more to us, we often don’t delve any deeper into ourselves either. Sometimes it’s just easy to stay on the surface….we do just fine, it’s safe, it’s not really scary, there’s not much risk involved so why do any different?  

But we’ve all heard the expression that ‘knowledge is power’, right? So, it makes sense to say that the more knowledge we have about a topic, say ourselves, the more power we have to make decisions, but how do we acquire knowledge? We ask questions! Asking ourselves questions to better get to know ourselves, what we want and how we might get that is like taking the leap in the waters below the surface of the iceberg and see the beauty and complexity of the 90% that we hide. 

My Journey

Where did this journey begin? When did I realise that there was more to me and more to life…if only I had a peek below the surface? For me, the initial trigger was becoming a mother and no, it wasn’t like ‘boom – you’re a mother, now sort your life out’…it was a lot more gradual than that. While on maternity leave, I struggled sometimes without my identity as my ‘job’, with being at home and feeling like I wasn’t contributing to the household, which of course was completely wrong, but I couldn’t help how I felt. 

I had been listening to some podcasts about health and fitness as I was getting back on the horse in that area of my life and came across a woman who had published a book and podcast about (in her words) ‘finding happiness now in a world that wants to sell you perfection later’. She was referring to the fitness industry and her book was called ‘Enough, Already’. While I read and listened with the fitness industry in mind, I realised that my feelings of ‘not enoughness’ were in all areas of my life.  

I never felt enough, because I was chasing perfection and my chase for perfection and constant ‘better’ was getting in the way of me seeing how good I already was! I looked at my little girl and considered what I wanted for her as she grew up…I wanted her to love herself and value herself regardless of her job, her appearance, her status and whatever other external thing she might be measured by, just like I’m sure my mother had wanted for me when I was a little girl. But then it dawned on me…..am I role modelling this for her? And if not, how will she know? Ever heard the expression ‘do as I say, not as I do’? That’s not how it works, is it?

I wondered that if I wasn’t role modelling what I wanted for my daughter in some areas of my life, I might not be doing in others either and on examination, I realised that while I wasn’t unhappy in my work, my work didn’t make my heart sing.  The next few months was made up of a lot of questions, reading, journaling, reflecting, growing, learning, making choices, taking actions, pushing boundaries, difficult conversations, a few tears, a little stress along with a sense that even though I was scared, I was in the driving seat and I had taken control of my life and my career….and it felt great!

So how did I do that? Now that you know my ‘why’, let’s get on with talking about my ‘how’, which started with me peaking underneath the surface to explore the parts of me that I’d previously not paid much attention to, just like the 90% of the iceberg that resides underwater. 

Tune in for Part 2....