Questioning the obvious in Mother's life

One of the concepts I explore the most in my work is our ability to “question the obvious”. Either if it is in a Creativity workshop or an Applied Positive Psychology talk for leaders I always start by this systematic questioning: "Why do you do what you do the way you do it?"

I believe that this is the only way to start something new or to continue what we've always done but with more coherence, consistency and reflection, adding consciousness - and possibility for other choices - to the process.

Yesterday I was challenge to apply this ability to a specific personal theme: how to consciously celebrate Mother’s Day (celebrated in Portugal next Sunday, May 1st) without falling into what publicity guides us to. Flowers or cute standard postcards are nice, if you like them, but we can go further! We should go further.

Research shows us that when we are gifting someone the choice for the gift should always be based on what the other really needs and appreciates, and not on the things we think could be nice to them, like @Barbara Fredrickson points out. That means knowing the other, diving in their tastes and their circumstances, developing empathy and curiosity. This is precisely what my small text intends. I open here a space for sharing my own perspective about motherhood (specifically for mothers of small children/babies), and what Mothers need to feel their role celebrated (and not only one more candy+flowers+postcard still exhausting day).

More than just a text about this specific reality this intends to be a general exercise of questioning the obvious for a specific personal context, so I invite you to keep reading even if you feel this is not related to you, since the examples here explored can open perspectives about Motherhood in general, but also serve as an opportunity to apply this capacity to other areas of your reality.

Here there are some ideas that can be more mindfully applied to the reality of Mothers of small children and what can feel like a true gift for them (includes provocation, so get ready:)

(These ideas go directly to partners or others involved in preparing the celebration, since toddlers can’t still read:)

1) Take pictures of mums in their daily snuggles and accomplice moments. Having pictures with our babies in our daily gestures means the world. Giving bath, breastfeeding, playing on the floor, carrying them around the house… Help us seeing ourselves as mothers with external eyes.

2) Write a list on how or why we are doing great. Tell the obvious, state what you see and seems evident to you and help us see that too. To feel acknowledged - “I see your effort and your goodness in this…” - is such an important thing for the majority of new mothers (and something we lack so much). We know we aren't the best mums in the world - and this could be an article by itself - but we need to know what is being perceived as amazing.

3) Offer a poetry book, a recent novel, a cool comic book or a nice essay. We need to be invited for our intellectual part, since our emotional part is so demanding. Help us remind other sides of us, that have now so little time to be explored.

4) An individual cinema ticket (or double but to be used with a friend:) An invitation for a moment alone with nice stimulation and some quietness.

5) A cool menu from a nice coffee-shop/ small restaurant to be used alone or with friends (babies not included:) Time to relax and get in tune with other parts of us.

6) A consultation with a Pelvic Floor specialist to take care of the natural and extremely frequent conditions of pregnancy and afterbirth. Everyone wants confident Mums who aren't afraid of losing urine when they sneeze and who have happy and satisfying (and not painful) sexual lives. YES, this problems happen extremely frequently in the majority of women but it has easy solutions, they just need attention and a good professional offering guidance with empathy and competence (@Elizabeth Braga is a great specialist for this, in Portugal).

So, forget flowers and teddy bears with red hearts saying "To the best mum!". There is more to motherhood than just seeing the beautiful parts of it. Being truly seen and taken care in our true significant needs will for sure contribute for better (and more honest) motherhood paths.

In this 6 points (the list could go on and on) we are diving into a specific reality, that of recent mothers. I hope this adds not only to know them and their needs better, but to open our potential of empathy and to practice our ability to go further in our (meaningful) gifts.

These are some ideas. What will you add? What would be your experience?

This exercise can be applied for any other personal area, helping us questioning why we do things the way we do it and stretching possibilities.

In which areas would you like to open paths for action? What are the challenges you face when questioning your own obvious?