Question Your Way to Success: The Limitations of Positive Affirmations

"I'm Just Ken" is one of my all time favourite wild, joyful, audacious few minutes of cinema, and they had me at that wave in the "Kenough" hoodie at the end of the movie - I want the Merch.

While the affirmation "I am Enough" has become such a part of our cultural vernacular that even a sly nod to it makes us smile, there's more to the story.

I'm here to argue against the culture of affirmations, the science has something surprising to say: affirmations like these can sometimes do more harm than good.

If we want to trigger the power of the mind more effectively, it's as simple as turning those very same affirmations into questions.

Many of us use positive statements like "I am confident" or "I am lovable" with the belief that these affirmations empower us. However, research from the University of Waterloo reveals that among participants with low self-esteem, repeating a positive self-statement like "I am lovable" actually made them feel worse than not repeating it at all.

Not even people with high self esteem who repeated the statement or focused on how it was true for them felt better for long.

Why Does This Happen?

You might wonder why this occurs. The mental tension between the affirmation and your existing beliefs can lead to your mind recalling experiences that either confirm or negate the affirmation.

For example, if you say to yourself, "I am a great public speaker" your thoughts might go straight to that time you bombed, or relive every time you feel sick just before presenting!

If you have ANY inherent disbelief in your statement, you'll decide you're lying to yourself!

Master Lessons From "I'm Just Ken"

What is the alternative? Interestingly, this instant pop culture classic offers serious wisdom. Ken embodies the three strategies that can lead to authentic affirmations!

Here's What To Do Instead

• #1 ASK EMPOWERING QUESTIONS

Firstly, engage the mind's problem solving capacity. Ken can be found asking questions in his song; "Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility? Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings?" to "Can you feel the Kenergy?"

When presented with a question, the brain naturally starts to seek an answer.

This is why a well-asked question is more powerful than making a simple statement.

For example, when we take the affirmation "I am a lovable person" and frame it as questions: "In what ways am I a lovable person?" we invite our brain to seek evidence to support the claim.

An Empowering Question leverages two mental processes

1. something called "Instinctive Elaboration", the mental process by which our brain automatically goes deeper into a topic to understand it better, to unearth multiple viewpoints or solutions, without necessarily seeking a single, clear-cut answer. It's like prompting your brain to present evidence that supports your positive attributes, reinforcing your self-belief in a more organic and convincing manner than simple affirmations can.Imagine you've asked the question, "How am I improving my public speaking skills?" Instead of settling for a straightforward answer, your mind starts to explore various angles. You might think about reading books, taking public speaking courses, practicing active listening, watching TED Talks or even seeking feedback from trusted peers. Each thought leads to another, creating a web of possibilities and deeper understanding.
2. the "Uncertainty Resolution" which is one of the foremost determinants of our behaviour aims for a specific answer to relieve discomfort. When we can’t immediately gratify our desire to know, we become highly motivated to reach a concrete explanation because we want to eliminate the distress of the unknown. We want, in other words, to achieve “cognitive closure.”Simply stating "When I speak people listen" doesn't offer your mind much to latch onto if you're already having doubts. This drive to resolve uncertainty becomes a focused search for evidence that supports the idea that you are, indeed, able to speak constructively.Imagine you don't know how to structure a speech, and feel uneasy. Your mind craves a specific solution to this problem. Once you find out there are seven steps, and what they are, your discomfort dissipates. You now have a specific answer to your question, resolving the uncertainty.

Simply asking an empowering question is more likely to yield a meaningful, lasting impact.

Simply questioning how you might do something can shift your perception and even alter your body chemistry.

Ultimately, an Empowering Question enriches your understanding of yourself!

• #2 ALLOW YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

The idea of all your thinking should be positive is a trap. Even Ken allows himself to contemplate his flaws, "Doesn't seem to matter what I do, I'm always number two" and acknowledges his feelings; "I have feelings that I can't explain, Drivin' me insane." and "anywhere else I'd be a ten" is one of the best lines!

Recognising negative emotions can be the first step in addressing underlying issues.

• #3 CATALOG YOUR WINS; A Practical Tip

Grab a sheet of paper, and break down the last 3 years into a list of all the things you learned, skills you developed, things you overcame. Logging your successes, no matter how small, provides tangible evidence of your capabilities.

Return to it every three months to update it. Over time, this record can serve as proof of success, making you more confident in your abilities. You are creating a "success narrative" that you can both refer back to, and share with others.

By the end of the song, Ken literally claims; 'I'm great at doing stuff, So, hey! Check me out, yeah" - who knew a song could set such a profound example!

Being Kenough - The Authentic Route to Self-Belief

In the movie, Ken only gets to wear the "Kenough Hoodie" after he's done the work to make it authentic!

Asking the right question invites the brain to participate in problem-solving, opens up more solutions, and is a more authentic route to success.

It can lead to you believing you are enough.

Can YOU feel your Kenergy?

Do This Now

Ready to unlock the true power of your mind? Stop settling for affirmations that don't resonate with you. Start asking yourself empowering questions today!

Not sure where to start?

Grab a piece of paper and jot down five questions that challenge the way you see yourself and the world. Dive deep into answering them and experience the transformative power of questioning.

Don't wait—your journey to authentic self-improvement starts with a question.

#QuestionYourWayToSuccess"

#InstinctiveElaboration #Mindfulness #PositiveAffirmations #Psychology #SelfImprovement