Question The Stories You Are Telling Yourself

Question the stories you are telling yourself.

This is for me the base to building trust on.

Why?

Because we humans are great at getting mad and angry when we can't get what we want (or asked our spouse or boss for) and judging others' for their behaviors.

Take for example the situation when you send a seemingly low importance email to your boss but in the email (somewhere kind of hidden) is your request for permission to do your next project step. You need the permission by tomorrow morning but your boss hasn't responded yet. One more hour and you're done working today so you are going anxious. And now the stories are starting to show up in your head.

Maybe she doesn't really supports me on this project.

Maybe she is testing my communication skills so she can "get me"?

Maybe she just doesn't like me... I knew it.

Maybe...

And the stories keep coming, and all seem valid and justified (with clear evidence ??).

The result of not catching yourself and questioning your stories in that moment is that you start breaking trust - any that you have built so far - with the other person.

The bad part is that only you know about this breaking trust process, the other person has no clue.

The next time you see your boss you will act differently, just a little bit colder, with her and she will notice, start mirroring back your "coldness" and then you walk out the meeting or from the conversation being happy. Being happy for validating your story. "I knew it! I was right!"

And soon you will find yourself not belonging anymore, misunderstood and feeling left out (or pushed out).

This process can happen at work and in your personal life.

Every time I ask my husband for a small help and I don't get it when I think I should have gotten it, my story of not being loved shows up. It's the family pattern I saw from my mom. By now I am aware of its "showing ups" and I am skillful at questioning my stories. So can you.

Here's how to start:

• Pay attention to your emotions. They are your signals (flashing red lights) something is going to happen.
• Notice the start. Are you mad, angry, feeling resentment or anxiety? How does it start for you?
• Stories show up when something is important to us. The meaning is usually beyond the "doing the dishes". It's about something deeper, from the past, and most of the time related to an unresolved issue. Ask yourself what is here that wants my attention right now? It's not the dishes or your spouse. It's something in you. Give it a voice. Let it sing.

Question the stories you're telling yourself.

Choose to live life differently.

To follow my work, visit?www.andreaclough.com.

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