The Question That Changed Everything - A Lesson in Creating Yourself

Newsletter #4: The Question That Changed Everything - A Lesson in Creating Yourself?

? "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."???

- George Bernard Shaw?

Dear Friends:?

"So, Bob what's next in your plan?"?

Sometimes the most profound wisdom comes from unexpected moments and seemingly simple questions. Last week, I shared Father Heath's philosophy/religious practice(s) about making small, incremental, positive changes, and how like compound interest it will add up to a great life of accomplishments in the service to others. Today, I want to tell you about a conversation that forced me to put that wisdom into practice during a tumultuous time in my professional life.?

### When Dreams End?

For six years, I had lived my dream job as Prosecutor with extraordinary vigor and love. It was the position I had literally worked toward since I was a young boy, the pinnacle of my professional aspirations. While I knew that it was a term of office and would end, I was so engrossed in what I was doing that it did not matter.? I was going to “lean into” every moment that I was given. Then, the time came that it was over. One thing was going to be realized in a thunderous way-- I had no idea what to do next.???

???Reflection Point: Have you ever had a dream end unexpectedly? How did you handle the transition??

### The Question That Changed Everything?

During this difficult transition, I had a conversation with former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey . He asked me what seemed like a simple question:?

"So, Bob what's next in your plan?"?

I to this day can see myself standing there speechless when he asked me this. There was blankness, I had no answer. Why? Because I had no plan, I couldn’t even imagine an answer.? There was just awkward silence. You see since I was 5 years old (a story for another time) my entire life had been focused on becoming a Prosecutor. That was the end goal. I had never seriously considered what might come after that. I remember thinking that something would just come to me.? But, that was not a plan and that was exactly the opposite of what I did to get the prosecutor’s job. There I had a plan, I worked the plan for years, I sacrificed. Now what?? I was strangely believing that something undefined was just going to happen for me?!??

? "Sometimes our greatest chapters are the ones we consciously choose to write."?

### The Desert of Uncertainty?

I kept thinking of the question Governor McGreevey asked me. It was haunting me that I had no answer, but I also felt foolish as within the question itself, it presupposed I should have been planning for “what’s next” way before this time.? When I thought about it, that made perfect sense.? But, now I was asking the question over and over, and nothing was coming to me.? I had big job offers to become a judge, join large law firms at a very healthy salary, etc… but none of these inspired me. I was now walking in the desert of my life, a nomad, a wanderer. Aimless for the first time.??

I needed to do an inventory.?I needed to find something that would give me a sense of service to others, something where I could make a difference. I was not afraid of what I was confronting, in fact, I was spiritually inspired as I knew this would be a time of profound growth.? But, how could I help people at the level I had as the Prosecutor? What was I supposed to do now???

It was during this period of great reflection that Father Heath's wisdom about small actions adding up to make huge difference became my lifeline. I remember thinking literally of a seed that was finally watered by adversity and unease, it was there all these years implanted in my soul by that quirky (wisest man I ever met) Dominican priest.??

Three key realizations emerged:?

1. Purpose isn't always about grand positions or titles.?

2. We have complete power over making small positive changes.?

3. Sometimes we have to create our path rather than find it.?

### Finding Purpose in New Ways?

This period of uncertainty led to massive change in my life, and I believe in the lives of many others in a positive way:?

- Establishing a criminal defense firm that focused not just on legal outcomes but on helping clients navigate the emotional and mental challenges they were going through.? This led me to become trained by famed Dr. Brene Brown in her Daring Way Program.???

- Giving my Joyful Journey lectures around the US and Canada. These lectures dealt with practical ways to navigate life, especially in the very powerful practice of gratitude in the present moment.?

- Continue with my faith-based practices and mature in my spiritual life, something I have worked most of my life at, and will continue to do so until I die, I suspect.??

- Taking my legal experience to national TV so I could continue to teach and train on the law to a wider audience.??

- Returning to EMT work, where every call offers an opportunity to make that "one millionth of a degree" of difference in a person’s life, just like Fr. Heath taught!? I was reclaiming a very important, but discarded, part of my life that made a profound difference to others, and becoming recertified as an EMT (and to be again riding at the South Orange Volunteer Rescue Squad) has been an incredible journey!??

- Writing this very Sirens & Summations Newsletter on personal growth topics that I have literally have been researching and practicing most of my life.??

Look, I am not saying that we should embrace adversity.? But, we have to bend with it and not let it kill you, but water some seeds that may be dormant in your soul.? It may take time, but that’s okay.? Just don’t be defeated, be watered!??

???Reflection Point: What new purpose might you create from life's unexpected transitions??

### The Power of Creating vs. Finding?

Governor McGreevey's question forced me to confront an essential truth:?we don't find our purpose - we create it.?Every day, through small actions and conscious choices, we write our own story. It may be “big,” or small.? But, it does add up just like Father Heath said it would. Like I stated in my TEDx talk, don’t wait until the end of life and wish you had done more, love more,?make?more of a difference.? The time to act is NOW!?

When I thought about it, that is exactly how I became the Prosecutor.? It wasn’t dropped into my lap like it did for so many others at times.? For me, I worked very hard to earn and? achieve that honor. But, when I thought about it, it was small and big steps for years to accomplish my goal. In truth, I had always been “creating” my life, I just didn’t realize it until it was gone and I was forced to look into an abyss.???

Key Lessons Learned:?

- Purpose isn't something we discover, but something we build.?

- Times of uncertainty can be opportunities for reinvention.?

- Small, consistent actions create new pathways.?

- We have the power to write our next chapter.?

### Living This Truth Today?

Each morning now, I wake up with two guiding principles:?

1. Make small positive differences wherever possible (Father Heath's wisdom)?

2. Actively create my life, rather than passively await for my purpose to just appear out of nowhere (that’s the lesson from Gov. McGreevey's question).?

???Final Reflection Points:?

- What story are you currently telling yourself about your purpose??

- How might you shift from "finding" to "creating" your path??

- What small actions could you take today to begin writing your next chapter??

### A Personal Note?

I'm sharing this story because I believe many of us face moments when our carefully laid plans end unexpectedly. It's in these moments that we have a choice: remain stuck looking for what was lost, or begin creating something new.?

### Coming Next Week?

I'll share how these lessons about creating purpose manifested in unexpected ways through my legal and #EMT work, leading to discoveries about joy and fulfillment that I never could have planned.?

With gratitude,?

Bob??

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P.S. If this newsletter resonated with you, I'd love to hear your stories of reinvention and purposeful creation. Share your experiences in the comments below.?