Quest for Responsible Happiness

Introduction

The goal of this document is that whosoever comes access this and till the time one finishes the last page, they should have actionable tips and a more clearer concept of what can make you happy.

Sources are taken from books, internet and videos, with proper referencing and researched evidence.

TL;DR

Definition of Happiness

State of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

Proven Pointers / Actionable Tips

• Happiness is something you need to constantly strive towards and is indeed a worthwhile goal.
• Exercise
• According to a new review of research about good moods and physical activity, people who work out even once a week or for as little as 10 minutes a day tend to be more cheerful than those who never exercise. And any type of exercise may be helpful.
• If people exercised for at least 30 minutes on most days, which is the standard American and European recommendation for good health, Dr. Chen says, they were about 30 percent more likely to consider themselves happy than people who did not meet the guidelines.
• Anchoring happiness to external entities can make it difficult, e.g. if I get that car, or that house etc. Hedonistic Treadmill (A temporary increase in happiness will fall down back to average)
• Journaling a positive event everyday/regularly.
• Write down 3 gratitude's everyday. Consciously scan your day (to train yourself to look for them).
• Meditation.
• Namaz/Prayer/Meditation is a great way to simultaneously practice it and improve your concentration in the prayer. The idea is to stay in the present, thus focus on the words you are pronouncing and recollect yourself back if your mind wanders off.
• Accept that what is your Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence, you can only act on the circle of Influence.
• A few good relationships (friends & family) can go a long way. Including people you can count on in time of need. So invest in this. (Refer to Longest Study on Happiness).
• Wealth is important but one should be aware there is a limit after which it has negligible effect on happiness. Reportedly it is near $50k to $70k per year (direct translation to PKR is not a good measure for what the limit is in Pakistan).

Sources and Relevant Material

Misc

• Mindfulness

Radically Happy by Phakchok Rinpoche and Erric Solomon (Blinkist)

• Happiness is not in possessions or certain circumstances (like an awesome job).
• True happiness is different and can be achieved and is not a fleeting pleasure like joy. A new home would probably give you a sense of joy but maybe not true happiness.
• A person disabled for life and a person who won the lottery, may feel depressed or joyful but in the long run their happiness levels will return to what they normally were. In the long run these are just highs and lows in the road of life.
• Radical Happiness!!!
• Being in the present, it contributes to happiness.
• Exercise - This state of present-moment focus is what the authors call basic happiness – and each of us has the ability to cultivate it. To get started, try the following exercise, called Creating Space, for five minutes a day for the next week. Begin by sitting down comfortably and closing your eyes. Next, imagine that you’re surrounded by an endless, deep-blue sky. Imagine this space as vividly as you can, extending all around you. If you notice that you’ve become distracted, just gently return your attention to the endless space.
• Your mind is like a disruptive guest, jumping here and there. Give it something to do to keep it pinned down (staying in the present).
• Exercise - First, sit down on a comfortable chair, with your back straight. Then, do the Creating Space exercise for a few minutes to relax and calm your mind. After that, open your eyes. Don’t try to focus on anything you see. Instead, leave your gaze wide and relaxed, and gently bring your attention to your breath. When you notice that you’ve become distracted, just bring your attention back to the breath.
• Another great strategy for fostering gratitude is starting a gratitude journal. Before you go to bed each night, think of one aspect of your life that you’re grateful for – it could be a possession, a quality, or a circumstance. Whatever it is, write it down. Then, during your morning meditation, reflect on your nightly note of appreciation.
• After sitting comfortably and spending a few minutes creating space, turn your attention to your breath. Every time you inhale, think, I am happy with who I am. And when you exhale, think, I am happy with what I have. Repeat this cycle at least 21 times, and then move on to your normal meditation practice.
• This is a big question, and it was the subject of a landmark Harvard study that followed the lives of 268 men over 75 years. The study came to the conclusion that the men who enjoyed warm relationships during their lives were by far the most likely to consider their lives successful. These men also lived longer, made more money, and had better marriages. The director of the study summed it up like this: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”
• Interconnected Happiness (we are all connected one way or another) - Start your morning meditation by creating space, as usual. Then, imagine a massive chain or web. The web consists of all the people who have offered you kindness or care, as well as the people who showed them care. Picture all of these people being bathed in the warm light of loving joy. Acknowledge that you and everyone else are here because of the kindness and care of others. Then, rest for a few minutes by meditating with an object.
• Start meditating, as usual, by creating space. After some time, focus on the breath. Then drop into the space of being a quiet observer of your thoughts. Notice whatever goes through your mind – but don’t think about those thoughts. As each thought arises, simply observe it. You’ll find that if you don’t start thinking about it, it will naturally dissolve. End the session by focusing on the breath.
• Whenever you have a few spare moments throughout the day, use that time to pause and take a warmhearted mini-break. Sit comfortably and quietly. As you inhale, think, May all beings be free from sorrow and suffering. And as you exhale, imagine sending out the warm light of happiness from your heart. Bathe the whole world and all its people in its glow. Think, May everyone be happy. Try completing this cycle for three breaths – but if you’re able, do even more!

Happiness by Mathieu Ricard

• Do not anchor happiness to external entities, like a job or a possession.
• Difference between pleasure and happiness, as pleasure is a fleeting moment.

Longest Study on Happiness - Ted Talk

https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?language=en

• According to Mr. Waldinger, the most important lessons have nothing to do with wealth or fame, or working harder and harder. ‘The clearest message we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
• Nurturing relationships with Friends and Family are the key to happiness.
• People you can rely on, in times of need.

3 Acts of Gratitude

I was working with a large financial company, and we got them to think of three things they were grateful for for 21 days, and it didn’t work. The reason why is they were always grateful for the same three things: their health, their work and their family. So they weren’t specific. And they weren’t scanning the world for new things.

So this only works if you’re scanning for new things and you’re very specific.

Happy Ever After by Paul Dolan

Happiness with money is not exactly true after a certain limit.

Having peers who earn more causes dissatisfaction in you. Like having a small house in an area with larger houses can cause the same.

Happy By Derren Brown

You cannot change the world around you, but you can change how you react to it.

You can only control your thoughts and your actions. Learning to let go of things you cannot control. If outside it then accept as it is.

E.g. a promotion of your colleague can cause you to become disgruntled but the cause of your anger is not the promotion but your reaction to it.

Play your part and believe that you did all that you could.

Anger is the enemy of reason and inevitably leads to unhappiness.

Raging at e.g. the house will only be filled with remorse later on.

Let the anger pass and then analyze what caused it. Take a deep breath and count to 10 whenever you get angry.

Curiosity about others' lives can lead to disturbance of inner peace.

Happiness is not about buying a near car but embracing what you already have and understanding what you can and cannot change.

Stoic Meditation

Think of the day ahead and pitfalls you might encounter.

Happiness

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-five-essentials-you-n_b_757316#:~:text=But%20the%20five%20essentials%20of,for%20creating%20happiness%20for%20yourself

• Health in 3 Forms: Emotional, Mentally and Physical.
• A decent amount of Money as it provides mental satisfaction.
• Relationships!
• Contentment at Work
• Not necessarily all out enthusiasm but one should be content with the work they are doing.
• Love Yourself
• This doesn't mean that you won't want to make changes in your life, it simply means that you know who you are, know your strengths as well as your weaknesses, and want to do what will best suit you to live successfully and happily.
• Willing to Delay Gratification
• In this age people want instant success

Appreciate the Journey & Gratitude

All I felt was this emptiness inside that just didn't go away.

I was just passing through life without enjoying any of it.

Going down a spiral of disillusion and sadness.

Always looking for something...

Because of that, I started missing out on all the good things my life already had.

The things I had accomplished already.

My loving wife and child that were always there for me.

The friends and family who gave me their unconditional support.

My eyes were so focused on the future, I just didn't appreciate what I already had.

Still, I was fortunate enough to wake up.

To realize I was doing everything wrong.

That's when I finally understood that happiness is in the little things.

That happiness should come from within me, not from achieving something.

Sure, having goals was important.

But the most important thing was to enjoy the journey to get them.

To be thankful for the things I already had.

For the beautiful wife I had.

For my son, that was always there no matter what happened.

For my friends and family that were always willing to give me a supporting hand.

I understood that I didn't have to delay my happiness until I got what I wanted.

The day would come when I got to where I wanted to be.

In the meantime, I could be happy along the way.

I didn't have to wait.

When I came to that conclusion, that's when I really started enjoying life.

I started appreciating what I already had.

Those little things I just didn't notice before.

They filled the emptiness I had inside.

They made me feel whole.

There, I found happiness.

I want you to experience that as well.

That's why I created something very special that will help you get there.

It's a course called The Full Life Framework.

Inside, I will teach you the secrets on how to live a full happy life without making any sacrifices.

The How of Happiness - High Performance Teams

• 50% is genetic.
• 10% is from your circumstances, wealth etc.
• 40% can be nurtured and cultivated.

So work on the cultivating part

• Exercise
• Positive Attitude

https://web.archive.org/web/20070113073753/https://www.gethappy.net/

The Path to happiness

Most of us are led to believe that our “happily ever after” will be found once we check off a series of boxes: find a great job, buy a fancy car, own a house, fall in love. Unfortunately, happiness doesn’t work that way. It is not a final destination that can be reached — even if we make the right choices. The reality is that happiness is a state of mind, and you don’t need to be in it every moment of every day. Not only is that impossible, but it is also unhealthy. After three years of rigorous research, Penny Locaso, the founder of HackingHappiness.co found that those who allow themselves to fully process so-called “negative” emotions, along with the more positive ones, lead happier lives. Happiness is being able to ride the wave of every emotion, knowing that you can come out the other side just a little better than before, she says.

• (Adapted from “What You Were Taught About “Happiness” Isn’t True,” by Penny Locaso, published on Feb 18, 2021, by Harvard Business Review Ascend)

The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary by Catherine Gray

• Think twice before envying social media stars. A study found that simply updating your facebook status may result in a 5 percent drop in mental health.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
• High IQ does not protect you from unpleasant life vents, including divorce rate, addiction and suicide. Over time children with high IQ were more unsatisfied with their lives as they felt that he had not lived to what was expected of them.
• $50k to $70k mark, any more made no psychological difference in them.
• High earners are not necessarily happy but happier people did tend to earn more (study).
• Study in 1978 found that a big lottery win actually didn't make people any happier.
• People who promoted their love more on social media, the less secure they felt about their relationship.
• Happier people have fewer friends and discreet romance.
• Science says you will have more fun if there are only three or four at the table rather than 10 people.

References

Brief

Link

Blinkist Book Summaries (New Summary Everyday)

www.blinkist.com/daily

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-five-essentials-you-n_b_757316#:~:text=But%20the%20five%20essentials%20of,for%20creating%20happiness%20for%20yourself.

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/what-you-really-need-happy.html

Exercise is useful! NY Times

https://www.inc.com/david-van-rooy/the-pursuit-of-happiness-5-powerful-exercises-you-can-do-today.html

25 Habits you can inculcate

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-be-happy#weekly-habits

Book Summaries of 2020

https://www.samuelthomasdavies.com/best-books-2020/?SNSubscribed=true