Quest to Rescue the Addicted Part 3

Advice:

If you are reading this than someone that you care about is struggling with an addiction.?I am going to give some general words of advice that you should keep in mind.

This is an ultra distance race in multiple environments and not a sprint: From time to time I will hear so called experts talking about a pill to help people overcome their addiction.?Things like methadone are touted as an easy solution to addiction.?My ears hear their voice, but I wonder if they are listening to themselves??Think about the irony of using one drug to cure an addiction to another drug.?That is similar to paying one credit card with another credit card.?There is no shortcut. I hate to be the one to break that to you.?Getting healing will be a long, painful and difficult journey.?Those that tout quick and easy solutions are diluted at best and charlatans at worst.?Brace yourself for the battle ahead.?

An ultra runner knows that he or she has a long run ahead.?If they came prepared to do a fifty yard dash then they would fail.?Focus your mind and envision success in the distant future.?Yes it can get better and better but there will be setbacks, relapse and more visits to jails in your future.?

I tell you all of this because I want you to brace yourself for the truth and encourage you to stay with your loved one throughout the experience.?Something that can help is to find a quiet place and envision what life without the addiction could be like.?There is no magic here but it gives a moment of hope to see your loved one with you on a beach in complete sobriety and peace having a blast.?

This person trapped in addiction is not the same person as the one you love:?There was this lady that I once worked with who was a stereotype of a librarian.?She always had her nose in a book, her hair was in a tight bun and she spoke softly.?Her entire life was a picture of organization and joy.?Less than two weeks later I saw her again but would not have known it was her if she did not introduce herself to me.?This time I can only describe her appearance like you might imagine the demoniac from Bible fame.?Her hair was going in every direction and she was beyond loud and demanding.?Her clothing was all awry and she was shaking the gate of the shelter where I worked.?Hatred seethed from her mouth.?This woman had discovered methamphetamine and it had shaken her to the core.?

I am sure that you have seen the transformation.?It looks different for each person but some of the common versions are:

Paranoid:?They keep looking behind them or pulling the shades tight.?Every little sound frightens them.?These fears are typically extremely irrational.?They are so afraid that it will be contagious.?This might be a good time to take the kids away for a little adventure to grandmas.?Nobody should witness this.

Violent:?If your loved one is typically violent you must get yourself safe as soon as possible.?Even if you suspect that they are using than put a safety plan in action.

Mello:?Nothing seems to matter to them in this state.?Most of the time, we don’t get too worried about this person.?However, they find it difficult to keep a job since you must care to do a good job.?They also can be in the way if there is an emergency.?Many house fires start because those in this state fall asleep smoking and then don’t have a focus to put it out.

Delusional: This version will be killing bugs that you can’t see or will try to get you to wear foil on your head because the CIA is listening to your thoughts.?They are scary and typically you will not be able to rationalize with them.

You must take care of yourself first: This will feel selfish and unnatural but it is a key to success.?Regardless of what is going on with your loved one, you must eat right and exercise.?You must find a way from the chaos and find joy again in a hobby.?Live your life fully and completely.?When one trapped in addiction is sober and clean they can be welcome to join you in adventures.?Read good books and meditate on positive thoughts.?There is nothing easier than getting your mind into a negative spin when they are using or drinking.?They are making their choices, you are not required to go down the toilet with them.?Create a secret savings account they don’t know about so that you have spare money to enable you to get away.

Clean up the house:?If your loved one is an alcoholic you must get all alcoholic beverages out of the house.?Consider this.?If your loved one was a diabetic you would not put chocolate cake on the counter.?Yes you can eat the cake, but because you are filled with love you forsake the cake.?With many drugs there are smells, tastes and attitudes that are triggers to relapse.?Take note of those triggers and work toward not giving them the excuse that they are looking for you to give them.?

Share the truth:?Friends and family already suspect that something is wrong.?There is no need to try to hide it from them.?I have a friend who finally opened up with his mother in law about his wife’s addiction.?She knew it but was afraid to tell him.?Now together they work as a team to help this woman find healing from her addiction.?They refuse to be played off of each other and together they are addressing the issue with truth and love.

You must allow natural consequences to take place:?Recently I read a story about a woman whose husband was violent when he was using.?On nearly every occasion he would throw a huge fit in the kitchen and throw the trashcan across the room and dump the contents of the fridge and then storm out of the house for several hours.?She would spend several hours cleaning up the mess and fixing the damage that he caused.?Later he would return home and pass out in their bed.?When morning came she would tell him what happened and he would look at the kitchen and deny that it happened.?She was tired because she had spent much of the night working and worrying and did not have the energy to battle.?Eventually, she decided that she had enough.?The next time that he trashed the kitchen she took a warm bath and went to bed.?When she woke up in the morning, her husband was in the kitchen cleaning up the mess and patching the hole he had made in the wall.?He never did that again.

If you have plans to go out with the kids than go ahead without them.?You don’t need to forsake your plans.?This is really important if kids are involved, they are the innocent victims.?Never miss a school play or baseball game simply because your spouse or other family member cannot control their addiction.?Have fun, which will be a natural consequence.

What is not a natural consequence is a lecture.?They know they messed up again.?Remind them that you love them and you are praying for their recovery.?Ask what you can do to help them find healing.?Offer to go to a recovery service with them.?Yes the first time you go it will be scary.?Typically these services are loud with people that are pierced and tattooed (not you standard church crowd).?Amazingly you will soon love these men and women because they are all at different stages of healing.?Some will defend and care for you when you have needs.

Develop an escape plan:?Similar to living in an abusive relationship you need to have a strategy for that moment when you really are tired of the lies and the addiction.?Where will you stay??How will you pay for it??Having a bag packed and in the trunk of the car is often a good move.?You can checkout most domestic abuse websites for a standard checklist.?Write out the plan and then stick with it.

The addiction is the enemy not your loved one:?It is ok to hate addiction and how it destroys life.?I know that this will be a tough thing to do but focus on separating the drug from the loved one.?They are a prisoner and the sooner you figure out how to work together the sooner you both can celebrate that vision that you have created in your mind regarding your loved one.