To Be Queer Is to Affirm Yourself: Queer-Affirming Therapy and Gay Men's Community

I’ve always said that to be queer is to hold a mirror to yourself and embrace every reflection—flaws, strengths, desires, and all. It’s a radical act of self-love, and it requires real work. This deeply personal journey of acceptance and joy is why I’m thrilled to be a guest on this podcast, talking about topics that resonate so deeply with me: sex positivity, queer-affirming therapy, monogamy and non-monogamy, and especially what it means to be a gay man over 40. As someone raised by two gay men, my connection to this community has always felt like home.

Growing up, I was immersed in a world where love and resilience thrived despite prejudice. This upbringing gave me a front-row seat to the realities, the highs and lows, and the beauty that comes from queer love and community. It shaped my commitment as a therapist to work with LGBTQ+ clients in ways that honor their truths. My professional focus on sex positivity, queer issues, and religious trauma wasn’t just a career choice—it was personal.

Why This Conversation Matters to Me

Talking about these themes—especially with and for gay men over 40—is an honor. This demographic has lived through rapid cultural changes, systemic discrimination, and profound shifts in how society views queerness and relationships. For many, stepping into their own identity has been layered with challenges. My work, and the conversations I have like this one, are about helping people reclaim their authentic selves.

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• Sex Positivity as Liberation: For many queer people, being sex-positive means rewriting stories of shame that have been imposed by family, religion, or society. It’s about reclaiming bodily autonomy, finding joy, and being unapologetic about what brings pleasure. It means honoring your unique desires—whether in a monogamous relationship, a non-monogamous one, or something completely different.
• Queer-Affirming Therapy: Therapy is often where the healing starts. Queer-affirming therapy is more than a buzzword; it’s a therapeutic approach that empowers people to embrace their full identities without judgment. I’ve seen the transformative power this has. My goal is to help therapists create safer, inclusive spaces where LGBTQ+ clients feel genuinely seen, celebrated, and understood—not just tolerated.
• Monogamy, Non-Monogamy, and Queer Identity: Relationship structures and dynamics are as diverse as queer people themselves. I’m passionate about breaking the one-size-fits-all mentality around relationships. For some, monogamy feels right. For others, ethical non-monogamy may offer fulfillment. What matters is choice and communication—not society’s dictates. This conversation allows me to emphasize the importance of honesty and self-awareness in any relationship dynamic, helping others navigate these sometimes tricky waters.

?Connection and Community

Being part of this dialogue is meaningful because it lets me give back to a community I love dearly. Gay men over 40 have been trailblazers, truth-seekers, and cultural changemakers. I see your struggles, your resilience, and your vibrant spirits. This podcast isn’t just about sharing expertise; it’s a love letter to all of you. I’m here to remind you: you get to define your own path—whether you’re embracing your sexuality, forging new relationships, or healing past traumas. So, let’s explore what it means to live as our truest selves. Let’s reclaim pleasure, honor our experiences, and create communities built on affirmation and love. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

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