The Queen Bee of all Queen Bees

I was hired by a large, top-three (at the time) AV company as a global marketing manager. I had never held that title before, but I always say yes to a challenge. It was a small team led by a woman who had come up through the corporate ranks in marketing and was very focused on thought leadership. It was, in fact, our differing opinions on thought leadership that got me fired.

I was tasked with reimagining the SMB Channel Program for each of the 33 global regions for one product line, which was new for SMB. We had a well-established enterprise product in this category, and the challenge was to figure out how to make it work in SMB.

So, this was going to be a typical paring down of an enterprise product to fit SMB from a price perspective. Specifically, what features can we remove from the product to still provide a relevant solution to the SMB market while at the same time making it affordable? This wasn’t the hard part.

The hard part was working with the pettiness of my girl boss. As I look back, I think it started when we met for the first time in person. She had already hired me, and I was in the office to start my first week on the job. I don’t know if it was my age, my dress, my look, my face—I don’t know, but there was a pause when she shook my hand the first time that I could feel. It was an energy thing, and the energy shifted right then and there.

Little things became big problems. For example, she’d coordinate a meeting with several stakeholders and include me in it. Then, I’d see a cancellation via email. Next thing I know, I am being reprimanded for not being in the meeting. She would set tasks for me with tight deadlines. I’d meet them, but weeks later, she would write me up to create a plan to work on my time management skills. It was all super weird, and I always felt like I couldn’t get my feet firmly planted.

I was too na?ve to understand what was happening at the time. I was also too politically incorrect, at least for my girl boss. During tenure, I also worked with many other people in the organization—Product Managers, Sales Managers, other Marketing Managers—and had developed some good relationships. A VP in the Product organization noticed what was happening and pulled me aside to try to help me. I learned a lot from him, and specifically, I learned about the group concept of forming, storming, norming, and performing. This was first presented by psychologist Bruce Tuckman in 1977, and this VP was trying to help me understand what he thought was happening, how she was a new girl boss with a new team of people and was not experienced in managing people. Ultimately, it wasn’t really group dynamics or inexperience; it was an insecure girl boss that was happening.

One particularly interesting call that she included me on was with a journalist. My background was Managed Service Providers (MSPs) and the Small & Medium Business (SMB) space, and I was known at the time for being an expert in bringing new products to market to and through the MSP Channel. This briefing was scheduled for me to talk to this journalist about how our product was going to fit right in with the MSP space and all the benefits we’d bring to the MSPs. However, my girl boss made a statement something like this, “We want this to be a thought leadership article…” There was a pause, and the journalist asked me what I thought would make it a good “thought leadership” article. I hesitated but decided to be honest. I told her that “thought leadership” isn’t something you write; it’s something you do. The journalist was intrigued by my answer, and we spoke about it for the rest of the call.

Looking back on this, my girl boss wanted to be the center of the article. Not only was she not the center of the article, but the journalist didn’t even mention her. The resulting article was great for the company and great for me. Apparently, though, it was not great for my girl boss. She felt it was a slap in the face. Maybe it was? I am not sure. One of my flaws is honesty. If you ask me what I think, I will tell you. If my answer threatens your way of thinking, maybe you shouldn’t have asked? I love a good debate, passionate conversation, and smart dialogue. If you think about something differently than I do, it’s a bonus. I love that! It makes life interesting and enjoyable. If your psyche is too fragile to hear a differing opinion, a different idea, or something that you’ve never thought of, then maybe it’s an indication that you need to work on yourself??

Anyway, about a week later, I was called into a Zoom call with my girl boss and an HR person. My girl boss stated that I was late on two assignments and therefore they were letting me go. When I asked which assignments, she said she didn’t have the dates in front of her. I told her we had time to wait, and she eventually named an assignment. It was from several months prior, but I quickly found the emails and forwarded them to her and the HR person while on the phone. The emails I forwarded were of me delivering the assignment on time, attachments and all, as evidenced by the email timestamp. At that point, the HR representative took over the call and said the decision had been made and it was final. Moral of this story? Never give your opinion if it doesn’t align with your insecure girl boss.

Learning Points on Toxic Bosses

1. Communication and Transparency: A lack of clear communication and transparency from a boss can lead to misunderstandings and a toxic work environment. It's important for leaders to communicate expectations and feedback clearly.

2. Handling Different Opinions: A good leader should be open to different opinions and ideas. Insecure bosses may feel threatened by differing viewpoints, which can stifle creativity and innovation.

3. Professionalism and Fairness: Professionalism involves treating all team members fairly and with respect. A boss who plays favorites or engages in petty behavior can create a toxic workplace.

4. Constructive Feedback: Effective leaders provide constructive feedback and support to help employees grow. Criticizing without basis or providing vague feedback can demoralize employees.

5. Self-Reflection and Growth: Both leaders and employees should engage in self-reflection to understand their strengths and weaknesses. Leaders should be willing to work on their insecurities and biases to create a healthier work environment.

Here are some things I could have done differently to potentially make this situation more positive:

1. Establish clear communication channels early on. After noticing the initial tension, I could have requested a one-on-one meeting to discuss expectations, goals, and communication preferences. I could have trusted my gut and been more brave in the moment when I first sensed the energy shift.

2. Document all assignments, deadlines, and completions meticulously. This would have provided concrete evidence of my work and helped avoid misunderstandings about task completion. Although I did have an electronic paper trail, waiting until the meeting with HR to share it was too late.

3. Seek feedback regularly. By proactively asking for feedback on my performance, I could have addressed any concerns before they escalated. This one is difficult because my girl boss wasn’t forthcoming and difficult to get constructive feedback from, but I could have tried harder.

4. Adapt my communication style. Once I noticed my girl boss's sensitivity to certain topics or approaches, I could have adjusted my communication to be more diplomatic while still maintaining my integrity. One of my flaws is that pettiness disgusts me. I could have handled her better, but instead I got stubborn. #lessonlearned

5. Build stronger relationships with other team members and leaders. While I did develop good relationships with others, cultivating more allies within the organization might have provided additional support and perspective on the situation.

In the end, growth is key, and growth doesn’t happen without action. This particular girl boss was eventually let go and has since left tech to pursue other things. I went on to work for other vendors in similar roles and continue to do things that get misconstrued as thought leadership. One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Florence Nightingale, the mother of Nursing who said, “I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought to be distilled into actions which bring results.” While this is true, learning the finesse of working with people and their idiosyncrasies is an art and a science that I have had to learn over time.

#leadershipbecoming #queenbee #seekingequanimity