Quality vs. Quantity

How my ears opened my eyes to what really matters.

There was one very tangible upside from the pandemic for me personally.? Until that initial lockdown in 2020, I had no idea that my brain was racing so rapidly, so much so that I never even noticed that I had a constant ringing in my ears, a.k.a. tinnitus.? When everything came to a screeching halt and I was no longer dashing about non-stop across New Zealand and back & forth to Australia in a given week, I recall sitting here at my dining table trying to understand why I hadn’t noticed the ringing in my ears that had been there for some time.? It was a revelation for me.? I wasn’t used to the silence.? I wasn’t used to sitting in one spot and being mindful about my inner being. ?That really got my attention.? I spent a lot of time reflecting on how that came to be.

As a kid who grew up in the housing projects in Washington, D.C., I fantasized about what it would be like to be ‘well off’ – to have the money and means to live a life that wasn’t limited to what my family could and couldn’t afford.? In the 1950s and 60s, there were very few shows on television about people like me.? I would sit there watching tv shows that highlighted the benefits of living in a big home with a vast yard, color televisions, having a family car and even a live-in maid to clean the house.? I think that’s why I loved watching the Brady Bunch every week.? Their world was my fantasy of living a good life, an escape from living in the projects.

The reality was that my mother was a maid who cleaned the houses of families like the Brady’s.? As a kid, I would sometimes fake being sick so that I didn’t have to go to school and my mother would take me with her to work because she couldn’t afford to take the day off.? While my mother cleaned, I would sit there in the homes of affluent white people fantasizing about what it would be like to live in their world someday.? Fancy cars, color televisions, big yards and having a maid.

Nearly six decades later, that old adage rang true for me:? Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true. ?Unbeknownst to my conscious mind, my early vision of success in life was based largely on financial wealth.? My quest to earn more each year was much louder in my head than the ringing in my ears that had likely been there for years.? Watching my financial assets grow had become my primary barometer for success. ?Pre-COVID, quantity was everything to me, no matter how exhausted I typically was at the end of each week.? Sometimes it takes a pandemic-like crisis to slow you down and help refocus on what really matters the most.? The ringing in my ears was a true wake-up call for me.? It pulled me inward to explore what true happiness is all about.? I’m not distressed at all about the tinnitus.? My ears helped to open my eyes to the importance of quality in life.

Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, wrote a beautiful book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.’ ?A big part of her professional work was spending time with people who were in the final days of their life.? She would sit and talk with them about lessons, insights and regrets that they would like to pass on to others.? Of their top five regrets, the one that really grabbed me was, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.’?? Ware writes that this regret came from every single one of her male patients, but numerous women also spoke of the imbalance in how they had lived their lives.? For many of these dying patients, quantity had prevailed over quality.

They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. People regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. ?Many of them grew to challenge the notion that they needed as much income as they thought they once did.? The sad reality that money can’t buy you happiness sunk in for most of them as they reflected on how they would have lived their lives differently.? From these conversations, Ware’s advice to those of us who still have time to mitigate this regret:? Simplify your lifestyle, create more space in your life to become happier and more open to new opportunities – ones that truly feed your passion. ?Personally, I could not agree more.?

During the lockdown, the silence in my mind that focused me on the ringing in my ears was a true blessing.? I have already begun to make some lifestyle changes that load far more on quality of life rather than quantity.? When my final days are here, this is one regret that I will have crossed off my list.? ???

The Authentic Leader Workshop

Please join me, my team and a wonderful cohort of 24 people on Friday 17 November at Auckland’s beautiful Waitakere Resort, located in a captivating rain forest.?

The workshop is focused on unpacking the seven dimensions of authentic leadership, an important requisite for success in business and life.? The day is structured largely around conversations that enhance your grasp on emotional intelligence and a valuable set of tools to take away and apply immediately.?

Treat yourself to a day of personal reflection on how you might lift your capability to have even greater impact with your leadership.? ??

To learn more about The Authentic Leader, click the link below: www.theauthenticleader.co.nz