Quality Over Quantity: Overcoming the Need to Overperform

Welcome to This Woman Can (and did!), designed for mature Black women embarking on their next chapter with intention and purpose, aligning personal values with professional priorities. Like what you read? Please be sure to subscribe to my email list to stay in touch.

In my weekly subscriber newsletter , I shared how much I was struggling to get motivated for 2024. Despite putting in the hours I felt that my enthusiasm and productivity was not quite there.

I did a little self coaching and looked inward for the answers to my lethargy.?

On reflection, I’d achieved far more than I was giving myself credit for;?

• I had successfully delivered my virtual retreat.?
• Conducted and released interviews for my podcast .?
• Made my first TV guest appearance.
• Designed my new life and career coaching program for the mature Black woman.?
• Launched my online store.?
• Secured a new client
• Almost completed my website revamp.

Phew, how much more did I expect to achieve??

I realized? (like many of my clients) I had gotten caught up in the pressure to perform. As Black women, the need to constantly prove ourselves is inherent.- The constant striving for perfection, the fear of falling short, the never-ending quest for validation. Driven by a mix of historical inequalities, stereotypes that portray us as superhuman, and the unique challenges of being at the intersection of race, gender and later on age (trust me the struggle can be real).?

Add in cultural expectations, working twice as hard to be seen and heard - you've got a cocktail of pressure that is quite frankly exhausting.?

But here’s the thing: I’ve learned a thing or two about overcoming the need to perform, and I’m here to share my insights with you.

Ditch The Perfectionist Trap - Growing up, I was always taught to aim high and never settle for anything less than the best. And while striving for excellence can be a good thing, it can also become a trap. The pressure to meet impossible standards, to always have it together, to never show weakness—it can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. It took me a while to realize that perfection is overrated. That it’s okay to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, to be less than perfect. In fact, embracing imperfection is liberating. It’s about letting go of the need to please others and embracing who you are, flaws and all.

Redefine Your Measures of Success - For the longest time, I equated success with hard work and the external achievements—job titles, salary raises, accolades aka the extrinsic rewards. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that true success is about so much more than that. It’s about living a life that’s true to yourself, that’s aligned with your values and passions. It’s about finding joy and fulfillment in the little things, rather than constantly chasing the next big milestone.

Practice Self-Compassion - One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the importance of self-compassion. Instead of being my own harshest critic, I’ve learned to treat myself with kindness and understanding. To give myself permission to rest, to recharge, to be imperfect. Because let’s face it, we’re all human, and we all deserve a little grace now and then.

Set and Protect Your Boundaries - Over the years navigating my corporate career, I was pretty adept at setting boundaries but found I'd let them slip with no-one "to answer to" in my entrepreneurial career. The ability to set my own hours didn't stop me working harder, in fact not having a team supporting me meant the contrary and in my early days I was berating myself for not achieving unattainable goals for a solopreneur!

This exhausting pursuit (and the not so subtle reminder from my Husband that I was actually working harder than before) meant that setting boundaries has also been key in my journey to overcome the need to perform. Learning to say no to things that don’t align with my values or priorities. Prioritizing self-care and making time for the things that bring me joy. It’s about taking back control of my life and refusing to be overwhelmed by the expectations of others.

Embracing Authenticity - Today, I can proudly say that I’m living life on my own terms. I no longer feel the need to perform for anyone else’s approval. I show up as my authentic self, unapologetically and without reservation. And you know what? It feels pretty damn good.

So here’s my advice to you - look inward and question;

• What are you trying to prove?
• Who are you trying to prove it to?
• What would happen if you focused on quality over quantity? (Shout out to Shaina Smith-Archer, PMP who inspired that question)
• What would it look like to set more realistic expectations for myself?
• How can I practice self-compassion and set boundaries?

Your answers may surprise you!

Embrace who you are, imperfections and all. Trust in your own journey, and know that you are enough just as you are. The world doesn’t need you to perform—it needs you to be authentically, unapologetically, beautifully you.

Here’s to embracing authenticity and living life on our own terms.

Janice

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