The Q-Kids - MMMM Good

By John R. Nocero, Andrea Bordonaro and Nicole Palmer

JRN: So this article started because I posted the following on LinkedIn: “Leave home. Live alone.take risks. go through betrayal. heartbreak. loneliness. and grow.” And it’s true. There is no growthwithout pain. My mom taught me a lot of things, but maybe the best lesson she taught me was howto thrive and deal with the pain, not that it breaks me but that it grows me, stronger, wiser, harderand levels me up. You both know it is no secret that I went through my greatest pain in August 2023and that pain lead me to finding my why to fuel the man I am now. Who I am right now is because ofthe pain I felt 9 months ago. And who I continue to level up into. That isn’t some cute tagline. That is raw truth.

Truth is too – most people do more to avoid pain than seek pleasure. But how are you gonna growwithout struggle?My parents were military and my mom taught me about this thing called drownproofing that they doin the Navy SEALs. Basically, they tie your arms and feet together, toss you in a pool and you areinstructed not to drown. How do you do not drown? Well not by resisting. But by sinking to thebottom of the pool, pushing off the floor all the way to the top out of the water, taking a huge breath and then sinking again until the time is up. Doing it over and over and over. GOING INTO THE PAIN. Don’t resist it. Lean into it. This is the trick no one wants to do but itis vital.Part of the reason I took a job far away from home, all alone, where I know nobody is so I cangrow. The money is great. The experience is great. But the lessons from the pain are greater.There is a huge difference in crying about not being able to fix a fridge than crying out offrustration because you have to go and kill someone who hurt your girl.

There is a big difference between saying “I don’t know what to do” and “I got you. I will figure it out” because you havebeen forged in struggle. Pain makes you and I use it as my octane to be better than I wasyesterday because that why that I talk about is that important. That is my responsibility as a manand as an adult.Pain is MMMMMMM Delicious.Andrea: Can you please describe your thoughts on pain? I ask you because I know and respecthow strong you are and now the world is about to know.Nikki – please elaborate on your statement: Deliberately give up comfort. Seek struggle.

ALB: I REALLY enjoyed reading both of your viewpoints on pain and I agree, Nicole, that there are different types and levels of pain. Obviously I think of pain as physical pain, which hopefully goes away after treatment (if we are lucky), but I do know that emotional pain can also have a physical impact on ourselves, too. REGRET and LOSS are perhaps the worst types of pain, I agree, and shapes us into who we are today.

I do agree, John, that we need to experience pain in order to thrive and I've always said that going through difficult experiences in my life have made me appreciate the wonderful experiences SO much more than if I had never went through the hard times. It's like a conversation that I had with my college friend last night. We discussed how we worked so hard to get through our undergrad program at John Carroll University because we were not born into wealthy families and thus, had to pay our way through college. We HAD to get out in four years at any cost with our Bachelor's Degree and start our career because we HAD to. Many kids at JCU at the time took 5-6 years because they didn't have to worry about the struggle of working on the weekends and over holiday breaks to make ends meet to pay tuition, room and board, as they had parents who did it for them.

Taking until I was 43 years old (over 20 years past my graduation date from JCU) to completely pay off my undergrad student loans make me appreciate my college education even more - I know the sweat, tears, time and struggle it took to not only get through those four years, but to excel and graduate with a 3.54 GPA.

Heartache is in another class for me and that's probably the worst type of pain. That can last a lifetime, even if we shape it and deal with it along the way through therapy and new, more positive experiences. It shapes us, keeps us from not becoming complacent and outside of our comfort zones, too, if we go about it the best way. Reaching higher to not experience that same type of pain becomes a life goal in a lot of ways.

I love your fitness example, Nicole, as it's very fitting. That's why I always admire someone who sticks to a good regime. It shows. John, that non-drowning strategy...wow. Tough. Pain can often make people turn their life into different paths to avoid it again or sometimes I've seen it lead to a self-destructive life of depression in a downward spiral. Like you've both pointed out, the choice is personal and it is ours.

NMP: We all suffer from 1 of 2 pains…..The pain of DISCIPLINE or the pain of REGRET.The difference is discipline weighs ounces while REGRET weighs tons.Both of these decisions can impact our lives. Discipline can lead to progress; however, the painof regret can carry in our hearts and minds for years. Several years.Choose wisely.If the goal of fitness is to stay in shape. The only way you can fail is if you stop. It’s important totest, fail, learn, and pivot. This process isn’t a one-and-done. It’s a play on repeat process. The“struggle” is an important part of the process. If struggling isn’t in the recipe, there is no strength.What’s cool about this, is YOU get to choose the challenge. It’s important to resist the comfort.Comfort=Easy. We choose the hard things. We weren’t meant to settle and stay stagnant. If wecontinue with the fitness example. You can’t cheat your way to fitness. You are either fit or not.You can’t take any shortcuts. You can’t buy being physically fit. It’s YOU vs. YOU.I think it’s important to have the mindset of I built this with my 2 hands and it’s a process that Iwon’t give up.