#PV - Get That Handled

By John R. Nocero & Sandy Abell

John: I was listening to a podcast the other day and the guest made an incredible point. He was talking about reinvention and how it was important to continually reinvent yourself when needed; that life is not over but there are things that are new beginnings.

He said something that was very profound. During the course of reinventing himself, he said that he recently started smoking, but he didn’t tell his wife about it. He would sneak and smoke, sometimes in back alleys, and he wore a gardening glove over his hand so that his wife would not smell cigarette smoke on him. One day while he was smoking, he ran into a homeless man. The homeless man bummed a couple smokes and then asked him about the glove. He explained why he wore it and the homeless man’s response floored him:

 “You should really get that handled.”

 The guest never forgot it, and he quit smoking that day and went home and told his wife about it.

 Moral of the story, at least how I take it – people that lie to other people, lie to themselves. If you destroy your credibility with YOU, why should anyone believe you?

 Sandy, thoughts?

 Sandy: Interesting and important story John. Yes, I completely agree that people who lie to others usually lie to themselves. As I’ve said before, honesty and trust are the most important things in any relationship. Whether it’s with your spouse, family, friends, business associates or yourself, if you lie you will never have respect or credibility, and the quality of your relationships will be shaky.

 Although lying to others is bad, I believe that lying to yourself is most destructive, because when you do that you lose track of reality. Then you make decisions based on your lie, and it tends to snowball.

 I’ve seen this with many people in a variety of situations. Often people who are addicted to some kind of substance or damaging behavior, deceive themselves by saying it’s really not a problem, even though they ignore all the damage their addiction is doing to their relationships, finances, business, etc.

 Being able to look honestly at yourself requires some degree of positive self-esteem, which many people don’t have.

 If you can’t look at yourself, it’s time to listen to the people around you. When things aren’t going as you want them to, and people around you are letting you know something is wrong, it’s really important to pay attention to them.

 As the homeless man said, it’s definitely time to get that handled.