PV - Endings

By John R. Nocero & Sandy Abell.

John: This is an interesting topic for me, and one that I am opening up with. That is telling the people that I love, quite frankly, that I love them. This has always been hard for me.

 I would leave old jobs and I would generally start a fight or get distant from former colleagues; or with friends, I would invent an issue and then we would fight and I would run away; it was all about dealing with loss. I realize now as I have grown up and hopefully matured, that I can say, loss is hard.

I was always afraid of loss. I did not want people to leave me, so I would leave them first, because I would be afraid of what would happen if they left. How would I cope? Would I be okay? Could I move on?

Now I realize that it is all about being good with you. If you are good with you, then things are okay. Yes, people will leave but you will get good with the fact that it happened, rather than that you miss them. I know there are a lot of people now in my life, especially over the last month, I have told how much they have meant to me, and I have asked them to stay in my life. I believe they will. If they don’t, I am still good with it, but at the same time I am grateful that it happened.

You can’t be afraid of people leaving. You have to create the space for the right people to come in and when they do, cherish them. If they leave, it is okay, they were meant to be there for that time. It's so funny; I was saying recently that I had an empty space that needed to be filled, then my best friend returned - space filled. She was never gone anyway. But I did tell her how much she is valued.

Sandy thoughts?

Sandy: Wow John! You’ve really figured out this difficult thing! Nice job!

Yes, absolutely, change is hard, and with change comes loss. It’s especially hard to lose people you care about. Whatever the reason for the ending, it’s always important to share your feelings and appreciation for who they are and what they mean to you. 

As you say, you might see them again or you might not, but leaving on a positive note, filled with love and appreciation, will stay with both of you forever. You are also right in saying that you have to open the space for new people to come in. You never know who or when the next perfect person for you will appear.

Endings are inevitable, and the important thing is how you choose to do it. It sounds like you’re doing it perfectly. I know that makes it a great experience for both of you. Many congratulations!