#PV - Congruency

By John R. Nocero & Sandra Abell

 John: Congruency. Do what you say you are going to do, when you said you were going to do it, and how you said you were going to do it. 

I don’t know why people do not do this. What causes this Sandy? It is strange but the more you can be congruent, the better relationships you have. I think this is true in all cases. 

From a professional perspective, if you said you would complete a report for example by today at noon, and it would go to your boss, then it should be there by today at noon. If not, you should give him a head’s up as to why, so he is not surprised. 

From a personal perspective, if I ask you to do something, and you said you needed to check your schedule, and I say great, check your schedule and get back to me, then I have to wait for you to get back to me. Life is like a game of tennis. You have to wait for partners to hit the ball back over the net but you also have to tell your partner when you are serving! Sandy thoughts?  

 Sandy: Hey John, this is such an important topic! Being congruent is all about trust, which is what healthy relationships are built on. When you have it, you have a great relationship, but when you don’t, nothing else matters. It goes along with reliability. If you say you’ll do something, you do it. That’s all there is. 

Also, when you are congruent it’s a sign of respect to the people you’re dealing with, and will make them respect you in return. 

Last week I heard someone say, “never lie to someone who trusts you, and never trust someone who lies.” That pretty much covers it. 

This is such an important subject that a while ago I wrote an article about it, which I’d like to share with you: 

Are You Congruent? 

At a meeting last week, I met a man who introduced himself as a personal trainer and health coach. He seemed quite knowledgeable about his field, but later, at the break, he loaded his plate with sweets from the snack table and then went outside to smoke a cigarette! This surprised me, since his focus was health. It made me wonder how effective he could be with his clients if he is asking them to do something he can’t do. It started me thinking about congruency. 

Being congruent means living your life so that your words, values and behavior all align. You live your values and do what you say. I think the old phrases are “walk the talk:” or “practice what you preach.” In the case of this man, I was confused about how he could coach people to live a healthy lifestyle, and then deliberately do something unhealthy to himself. He obviously wasn’t living a congruent life, and my response to this was to distrust him and his ability to do his work. 

 When I became a business and life coach, my first job was to coach myself so I could be congruent as I worked with my clients. I focused on always being responsible, honest and trustworthy, following through, cleaning up tolerations in my life, and valuing the person I am. If I were going to ask my clients to do this, then I had to do it first. It’s something I continue to do every day because my goal is to be honest, trustworthy and congruent.