Putting Yourself First

"Question: How can you do onto others as you would like done onto you, if you are not compassionate toward yourself? Sure, it is important to be kind to others. But don't forget to give yourself a break."

- Charles F Glassman.

Fall is the time for introspection - to be present to what we’ve produced and to decide where to go next. Just as summer turned to fall, I got a cold. Despite (what I thought were) my best efforts, the cough and fatigue lingered for a full month. The first night I realized I was getting sick, I sat in denial. I convinced myself that a couple extra hours of sleep and vitamins would knock it out. I rescheduled one client but kept my other meetings and appointments. The second day, I slept in, but kept my afternoon meetings. The third day was the first day of a four-day learning intensive workshop. I barely made it through the first day but insisted I could finish the course. By the middle of the second day, I realized I was in no shape to continue. With extra snot and tears streaming from my face, I let the course leader know I would have to drop the course until the next offering. I had waited a whole year to take the course and was devastated. I’ll pause here to say that my typical behavior would have included keeping every single appointment and commitment, no matter what. This time around, I canceled a few things as I tried to honor the fight my body was going through. Looking back now, I can see that by pushing through to fulfill the rest of my commitments, I was not honoring my body fully, and the consequence was prolonged sickness.

This lesson, to listen to my body first, has come to me in many forms since childhood. As a child with outbreaks of eczema, in college as a full body breakdown, and in my late 20s as a slow growing nodule that ended up cancerous. Each time I have gotten sick, I have sided more with the pressure of the “should dos,” than with the call of my body and its needs. By the time I got on the phone with my mentor coach at the end of the month, I was frustrated, sad, and angry. I had to cancel so many things because of my health, and I was beyond upset. I wanted to blame someone, and in the absence of external sources, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for getting sick in the first place. I could have worn my mask more. Maybe there was a moment I forgot to wash my hands. I was sleep deprived and knew it. I should have slept more and then it wouldn’t have happened! My coach let me go on for a few minutes, acknowledged my grief for plans unmaterialized, and then took me on a journey of self-reflection. What I realized by the end of our session is that I’m the only one putting pressure on myself. I’m the one saying that things need to happen by a certain time and in a certain way. So what if I gave myself some space (and grace) for completing things? How might it benefit my body, me, and in turn, my family, friends, and clients if I were to do so?

The month’s events came into sharp focus, and I saw the truth. I had asked the Universe for more sleep all summer, and it delivered a cold. A surefire way to get me to stop and slow down, right? Not for me! I looked at this cold as a roadblock instead of a gift. If I had seen it as something positive in the moment, perhaps I would have canceled anything and everything I could that week and rested. I would have let the idea that I “should” be doing something go, and just listened to what my body needed and wanted. So, here I am, learning another piece of the lesson that has been delivered to me time and time again over the years...if you want to do and be your best, put your needs first! In this context, “needs” being rest and sleep, eating food that leaves your body feeling energized, connecting with supportive people, and giving yourself space to hear what your body needs.

What I am committing to, and what I’m inviting you to commit to this month, is to pick one sweet, small way to demonstrate the intention of being a great partner to your body every day. This might look like canceling or rescheduling something if you're not up for it (while also letting go of any creeping guilt). It could mean going for a walk instead of working longer hours. Saying “yes” only to things that you really want to do. Saying “no” to anything that doesn’t feel right, and generally checking in with yourself throughout the day to determine what you need. I know this will take some patience on my part, and maybe you feel the same. It takes effort to dismantle the ingrained thoughts and habits around always needing to be productive, always needing to better ourselves, needing to prove our worth, or to say yes to every invitation that comes our way. And, what can I, and you, learn from showing dedication and love to our body, our mind, and our soul? My theory is that showing more love to ourselves will eventually spill out into demonstrating a deeper love for others, and that is a beautiful thing that I would love to be a part of.?